lost.love.letters.

lost.love.letters.

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my beautiful flower
for what have I done
poisoned my garden
’till kingdom come

notes… since my father passed I have been posting photos on my facebook page daily, and of course I wound up running across photos of her, mirsa, my true love, the major screw up I can never mend, well, I hope but that was many years ago, time is supposed to mend or heal, not so much here, I try not dwell but honestly it is always there, somewhere, some days just rise and it is all I can think about, just happened to coincide with V-day, I used to make her special meals, with red themes, heart shaped veg or the like, always something ambitious, I miss those days, but I am still here and there are days ahead, so that has to be my focus, but seeing those old photos, the closeness, her holding me and me her, in addition to my old dog, Chestnut, whom I loved so very much, and made mistakes like any first time parent, memories, of all the animals we had, practically a zoo, birds (amazon yellow front, parakeet, parotlet, monk parakeet), a degu, pacus, turtles (mississippi mud and soft shell), a mexican tarantula, a sugar glider and a texas ground squirrel… yeah it was pretty nuts, and I leaving out the scorpions and betas… retrospect always breeds romanticism, but who am I to argue with my own feelings? but accept them.

lost.love.letters.

lost.love.letters.

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as I might
contemplate
that last moment
before I leave this plane
and wonder
my last thought
will I see you
oh lord
will I see my love
once more

on a beam of light
so singular in this life
left bereft of completion
longing to be whole again
the separation
and we pray to write, unite
a fabled ending

and I must confess
my faith wavers
doubt simmers
for I am just a man
but I look to the sky
to the sun
to the stars
to you
oh lord
will I see my love
once more.

notes... been awhile since I opined for my love (her), other things, life going on, I suppose, but it is always there, isn’t it? just under the surface, always there like a shadow beat to my heartbeat, like an echo to my every thought reverb, my love I hope you are well and content, wherever you are these days… (from a poem perspective this was me being deliberate and staccato, something I do sometimes to hear the timing in my mind)

lost.love.letters.

lost.love.letters.

CB400_ZMB_Cut_Outs-0004_1

the dampness in my heart
has been replaced
by a restless cough
born, of barren ash
once blood did flow
a river of hope
life in – pump by pump
deadened – to a still birth
a trickle down
you are gone, my love
and so I evolve
into the ground

notes… sometimes I get caught in themes or a mode of thought, the world could be celebrating but I exist in my own head, as we all do, sometimes retreat feels like the obvious option, but yet I persist in moving forward with anchors of the past, so I must have hope in there somewhere in all the despair, there is always hope, I search for the light, and I often fail but I aim for the light, I do.

lost.love.letters.

lost.love.letters.

planet earth
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let the core of this earth
be as is my heart
a world
existing only
for you, eden-born
my love, my gemini, for I am bound
as my soul, to this dirt
from which I come
which I came to know you,
forever the poles
as they track the sun
until all light fades
my love shall remain
until the dying collapse
that will end all days
so-
I will be with you
forever.

notes… this is meant to be staccato in rhythm, in beats, at least that is the way, it reads, to me, and I meant, to write it, that way… but always for her, for her, the one I will always love, until the day, the day I die.

lost.love.letters.

lost.love.letters.

photo of person walking on desert
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how long
how long did you wait
for me to come home
to come back.
alone.

she is always in there somewhere, entwined with my DNA, never far from the surface, even under the weight of the undergrowth of so many years, there are times I forget, but there are more times I remember, this is a lost.love.letter.

to remember contours,
lying naked together in bed
moonlight penetrates
sliding through the window slits
onto your exposed skin
the base of my palm begins
in the small of your back
tracing upwards
curling my fingers slightly
so the tips track between your shoulders
until they breach
the rise of your neck
pausing at your hairline
turning to cradle
your head towards mine
no eyes as lips guide
and we are one
for a moment in time.

lost. love. letters.

lost. love. letters.

red heart on a old opened book
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“nothing now or forever will
replace you, my love
for in my heart you ever dwell
forever one or nothing more
forever one or never will”

notes… part of my series (scroll down a bit), I had a dream today, a real feel dream and she, her, the one actually touched me, pinched me, and her wry smile shined, I know, seems cliche, but where she pinched me was not, it was shocking, the whole thing was like being in a different life, a different dimension, but damn it felt so real, like those dreams where you fall and wake up scared, I woke up…. inspired and full of love, of her.

lost. love. letters.

lost. love. letters.

black bird perching on concrete wall with ocean overview
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“dream”
in decay
I can feel your breath
on the back my hand
as I caress your cheek
your stark black hair framed
in soft white light you exist
my angel
everything I need to know
you tell my with your eyes
everything I ever needed
my love
in bed, on my side
just staring into your eyes
this is all I ever wanted
this moment is all I ever had
for a dream once real
this feels of then
don’t let me wake
let this be my death

*part of an ongoing series, my heart beat as it were, if you like this then please check out the rest (scroll down a hair)… thanks for all looks, likes, comments, all that. oh, and yeah, line 9 is not a typo, it is there because I let words out for the reader to fill in… “my …”  when you are expecting “me” there, just sayin…

lost. love. letters.

lost. love. letters.

sand field
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I have lost her

I am the saint to my sins
the almighty absolver
unable to bend the knee
and forgive
for penance does not placate the past
nor clear the tomes, so written

let the sky fall
let the stars drop
down up from the heaven
break onto the ground
for, I have lost her

let my blood dry in a dead river bed
let my last breath escape
prepare my soul for departure
for, I have lost her

with such clarity
after all this wandering
a clutched mirage
might I lay down and rest now
let my mind release
for, I have lost her

note…. my weekly nod to the romantic side, a side that has been waning but is always hopeful

music… King’s X – Goldilox (a lost 80s rock ballad but some get it… have you ever seen an audience sing the whole song?  and this is what it is like at a KX concert over the years)

lost. love. letters.

lost. love. letters.

sunset love lake resort
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so here I am
broken and old
I left you so long ago
but never could untether my soul
I will tell my grand children about you
should I have them
like a fairy tale
like a fable
I hardly believe myself, anymore
“for I was once in love
with the most beautiful girl
in all the world”
for she was
and so you are, still
age and time has not stolen that vision
in my eyes blind
your such simple perfection
gifted unto me
a brilliant burning helium core
of the brightest star
and now you are, just that
up in my sky
distant
but always there to guide my heart
upward
to the north, a path
to one day I might depart
upon
and reunite, with you
my love
my heart, my love, I await our reunion
even if, I know this will never come.

notes… as I fall into routine, this has been my thursday night thing lately, no guaranty it will stay, but it seems ok to reflect on her once a week even if she is on my mind more than that.

and what else do you need…

>> Minus the Bear – Last Kiss (live)

listen to the lyrics… just listen…