lost.love.letters.

lost.love.letters.

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my beautiful flower
for what have I done
poisoned my garden
’till kingdom come

notes… since my father passed I have been posting photos on my facebook page daily, and of course I wound up running across photos of her, my true love, the major screw up I can never mend, well, I hope but that was many years ago, time is supposed to mend or heal, not so much here, I try not dwell but honestly it is always there, somewhere, some days just rise and it is all I can think about, just happened to coincide with V-day, I used to make her special meals, with red themes, heart shaped veg or the like, always something ambitious, I miss those days, but I am still here and there are days ahead, so that has to be my focus, but seeing those old photos, the closeness, her holding me and me her, in addition to my old dog, Chestnut, whom I loved so very much, and made mistakes like any first time parent, memories, of all the animals we had, practically a zoo, birds (amazon yellow front, parakeet, parotlet, monk parakeet), a degu, pacus, turtles (mississippi mud and soft shell), a mexican tarantula, a sugar glider and a texas ground squirrel… yeah it was pretty nuts, and I leaving out the scorpions and betas… retrospect always breeds romanticism, but who am I to argue with my own feelings? but accept them.

lost.love.letters.

lost.love.letters.

young woman near window in living hall
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the lady in waiting, trade in a life for the dream, so clear, a portrayal of all love inside a movie scene, i always thought it would be you, a quiet painted green wooden porch, the type of porch that encompasses all around the house, peeling paint on all the edges of door and window frames, buckled from years of the seasons beatings, a backdrop to all the reasons, the creaking rocker swing, and there we are, looking out at a long field of green grasses, something like a farm, harmonized by the subtle magic of the grass swaying, for a jersey boy a strange thought perhaps, maybe this is some sort of rockwell archetype (or hummel) etched in me somewhere at my core, a typical apple pie american bucolic scene, and my mind shifts…
maybe the shore, the ocean, the beach with no one else around, the gulls sounds across the dunes, I suppose miles of swaying grass resembles the sea after all, the same calming feeling ensues, wind waves undulating on, perhaps she waits there for me, or am I waiting for her to arrive, here at, the sunset of our lives, a sun sinks below into the depths, seagulls become just black angle angels hovering against the glow, tired and quiet now, there is just the sound of the waves break, the pulse, the true deep heartbeat of the earth herself, and your hand, I can feel the warmth from what blood is left, our eyes locked out to the seascape, as if we are one, and we are, because that is what I wish this to be, my lady in waiting, my love, I will come for thee, if I have to cross the face of god or the scour the body of the universe – for you, I will, I will come, to spend those last moments with you – as one, I will walk barefoot across the surface of the sun, burn all that remains save my soul for the return, for I will journey on, until, I am once more with you, my love, my lady in waiting.

lost. love. letters.

lost. love. letters.

sand field
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I have lost her

I am the saint to my sins
the almighty absolver
unable to bend the knee
and forgive
for penance does not placate the past
nor clear the tomes, so written

let the sky fall
let the stars drop
down up from the heaven
break onto the ground
for, I have lost her

let my blood dry in a dead river bed
let my last breath escape
prepare my soul for departure
for, I have lost her

with such clarity
after all this wandering
a clutched mirage
might I lay down and rest now
let my mind release
for, I have lost her

note…. my weekly nod to the romantic side, a side that has been waning but is always hopeful

music… King’s X – Goldilox (a lost 80s rock ballad but some get it… have you ever seen an audience sing the whole song?  and this is what it is like at a KX concert over the years)

sometimes you don’t know where the trigger comes from…

sometimes you don’t know where the trigger comes from…

sea of clouds sunrise wallpaper
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at this moment
the sun is veiled
behind a mass of pulled cotton
and slowly revealed, in setting
an everlasting bulb,
I might wish
a night wish
to witness
the super nova
that will end all, here at least
for at least
in that end
I will have one more moment
to share with you, my love
before that great end, with you.


notes… I think we all have fantasies about such, maybe not, but probably, or at least us artistic types, or those of us that live in our head, it is probably better to be an automaton, maybe, I vacillate between wanting to be ignorant and the knowing… but I really don’t have a choice anyway, unless someone bashes me in the head with the proverbial frying pan or age robs me of my rapier whit… I just need to breathe in deep and accept everything, not surrender mind you, but just accept things as they are and concentrate on what I actually have control over… and let go of which I do not.


panoramic photo of bushes near pond
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Music

Opeth – River

talk about evolution, I imagine many fans of this band are like WTF? but… they are so good musically and show it here, I like that they have evolved completely away from the start, static is boring, I hate boring…

A romantic offering…

A romantic offering…

love couple sunset sunrise
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upon the power of” 11.14.2018

your sweet breath upon my ear

the soft heart whispers as you near

for as the light, illuminate

for fair fate

with mine own eyes

have tendered the more

even as winter is drawn, closer

my hearth glows full with warmth fire-born

with outstretched hand I reach

as our love endures

burns, as a quantum star

to power the forever eternal light

you, my love

you, my life


Notes… I reference a quantum star (aka naked singularity), so I am playing with some concepts there (science, time and gravity). but even such magnificent stars have a lifespan as us all, but my short eternity will be hers, because that is all I know.

Music (I am a plucky sort)…

No Woman No Cry – Bob Marley as covered by Thomas Leeb (finger style guitar)

Stephen Marley was supposed to play tonight in NYC.. and I surely wanted to go before snowmaggedon hit us… 555 accidents reported in NJ to the state police in the first 2 hours of the storm… insane, I actually stayed at my office in Hackensack until 9 (I snuck out down the street (on foot sorry for the poor bastards stuck in their cars – been there) with a coworker for some Cubby’s which made all the difference tonight)… all that said it still took me until 11 to get home, I’m beat man… hope you like the post, if not, I’ll suck it up and come up with something better (well… hopefully but I am an optimist after all). And if you read all this ramble, hey, thanks (pretending to shake your hand, or tip my cap, or raise my glass, or sacrifice a live goat.. woah.. calm down now…)