lost.love.letters.

lost.love.letters.

that, so hear!
riding on the wind,
the cry of the wolf
rises up on the moonlit night
piercing all forward and all behind
crests effortlessly over my ramparts and walls
directly into my soul
directly to my heart;

for the grey that inhabits my crown
for the once saplings now laid down with leaf
for seasons past and lives have cross’t,
that pierce of hers-
the cost does haunt;

still, might I lie mostly wake
thoughts can hardly break the lure
of that call of the earthen core herself-
nor noble sword for which I held
nor conquered foe for which I thought I felled
upon my knees can not relent
spine down my soul can not repent;

for she shall always be my queen;-
in times of youth when all was the golden
eternity was upon and nothing spent
the perfection of lying together in our bed
at night, until the soft light morn
the supple fit of our perfect form,
how insidious human works did invade that space
worldly words n’ deeds the insurrection led by my disgrace;

a guise, so easy to see with hind
so easily remembered, twice fold in kind
a fool’s errand to decide by one the best for two
rather than raze the building to see again
the gleaming foundation; (abandoned dream)
a fate of two disparate streams that became a river
spilled into an endless ocean of the unity of love
dried up in a short sighted season of my famine
the destruction of a singular decision is more than a scar
heavier than an anchor of the base most stone
a crushed trachea trained under heavy breath,
like a collapsed tunnel under a grand mountain’s ground;

sometimes there is the air of escape,
from miles, from towns, in the arms of others,
but when, that call hears out, and reaches these ears
I can not bear to wonder what else, and despair.

notes… I shall never forget, I want to, I want to find that next love, but it has not materialized so far… I feel I am wired different, time and years feel like nothing to me, although not everyone is wired the same way, today could be yesterday or the day I left her, it all feels the same, regardless of time and space…

lost.love.letters.

lost.love.letters.

there is nothing to compare
to what the feeling would be
to hold you-
in my arms-
right now,
my love.
and to hold you close then-
forever
and never question
anything
ever again.
(oh for just the chance I would trade my soul)

notes… and yes, I would trade it all sometimes to reverse the past, to reverse the shame, the mistakes, damn I hate my memory, I see people, most people just can move on and forget, but I am wired the way I am because of the dna I was given, the brain I was given, I can not lament – or I can but what difference does it make, the struggle, damn, I don’t know what to do even if everyone looks at me like that dude who knows it all.. I know so little, feel so much, I think I know more than the average joe, but who knows? we all wind up the same, the fuel for a star or the remains… damn sometimes I hate awareness, I might rather be a cactus just hoping for rain… but that would rob me of my faculties… damn, I just don’t know.

brilliant room…

brilliant room…

so she appeared
in the now. brilliant room
time stops. spotlight on. traffic parts
these usual cliches. catch me off guard

this does not happen
not to me, at least
hence my confusion
frozen. in a situation
I was not expecting;
so has. halted breath
and eyes lock met;
I have to have her
when of course
she already has… me.

lost.love.letters.

lost.love.letters.

Photo by Jorge Fakhouri Filho on Pexels.com

are we fibers
or just strings
or links in a chain
I wonder
as I hold you closer

I imagine
we begin to combine
at the molecular level
can we now pass through each other?
or simply merge
for a moment
two spun as one
no wonder
the separation
feels
as this does

notes… lost love letters staccato style (as I call it), I am very aware of rhythm in my words and flow… maybe it is all in my head, sure, but those who get it are wired into my frequency, I do not expect that to be everyone, just you, so thanks for the time, any and all comments are appreciated

lost.love.letters.

lost.love.letters.

Photo by Hiu1ebfu Hou00e0ng on Pexels.com

my beautiful flower
for what have I done
poisoned my garden
’till kingdom come

notes… since my father passed I have been posting photos on my facebook page daily, and of course I wound up running across photos of her, my true love, the major screw up I can never mend, well, I hope but that was many years ago, time is supposed to mend or heal, not so much here, I try not dwell but honestly it is always there, somewhere, some days just rise and it is all I can think about, just happened to coincide with V-day, I used to make her special meals, with red themes, heart shaped veg or the like, always something ambitious, I miss those days, but I am still here and there are days ahead, so that has to be my focus, but seeing those old photos, the closeness, her holding me and me her, in addition to my old dog, Chestnut, whom I loved so very much, and made mistakes like any first time parent, memories, of all the animals we had, practically a zoo, birds (amazon yellow front, parakeet, parotlet, monk parakeet), a degu, pacus, turtles (mississippi mud and soft shell), a mexican tarantula, a sugar glider and a texas ground squirrel… yeah it was pretty nuts, and I leaving out the scorpions and betas… retrospect always breeds romanticism, but who am I to argue with my own feelings? but accept them.

lost.love.letters.

lost.love.letters.

Photo by Johannes Rapprich on Pexels.com

as I might
contemplate
that last moment
before I leave this plane
and wonder
my last thought
will I see you
oh lord
will I see my love
once more

on a beam of light
so singular in this life
left bereft of completion
longing to be whole again
the separation
and we pray to write, unite
a fabled ending

and I must confess
my faith wavers
doubt simmers
for I am just a man
but I look to the sky
to the sun
to the stars
to you
oh lord
will I see my love
once more.

notes... been awhile since I opined for my love (her), other things, life going on, I suppose, but it is always there, isn’t it? just under the surface, always there like a shadow beat to my heartbeat, like an echo to my every thought reverb, my love I hope you are well and content, wherever you are these days… (from a poem perspective this was me being deliberate and staccato, something I do sometimes to hear the timing in my mind)

lost.love.letters. \\\\\

lost.love.letters. \\\\\

Photo by Ave Calvar Martinez on Pexels.com

perhaps this is causality
and I am the casualty of-
the rain
a grey veil of gloom over
even silver linings wane
not some days
not all days
today, one of those lingering
an insidious thought invades, breaks the levy
‘I have nothing’
or feel that way
perhaps only because I ‘had’
I can not stop the swell, the surge
the rush back, a rampaging flood now converges
that a bound fist in my abdomen confirms
my eyes well,
we all want to travel back, to rewrite;
and we do, in a way, down that path, in our mind
but know, always know the foundation
the truth is in the earth, hands clench this
the cruelty of the steadiness of dirt
support of life and burial of the dead roots
as far reach as heaven, up into the air
roots buried, anchors, always, memories
a library, a curated collection
rows and rows of known, wanton forgotten
I am alone-
most days this is not a bother
some days a marker, a visitor, my own host
I scrape for false shelter
draw out the homilies on my lips
all the words I left out
a mantra to my burden
to wait out the storm and pretend some more.

note… to any new people (as I am seeing more traffic), hello you (waving), my work is off the cuff, one off, unless otherwise noted, perfect? no way man…. but I post it… and here it is… when I write the thing it is visceral, you get me facial, that’s all… and if you like it … great, if not, also great, I appreciate the read, the time, your eyes, thanks… we are existing right now at this time…. which is a miracle, billions of the years of the universe have brought us together… for corn dogs… well, er, at least that or more I hope, so all your comments, recipes, thoughts, coherent rants and advice for my garden – are appreciated. I am the bamboo whisperer… I tell ya…