breath in the air, for a moment (life)

breath in the air, for a moment (life)

woman lifting her head up
Photo by Martin Lopez on

Another time to take a step back and marvel at this world, something so simple as being out on my deck, walking the dog (or letting her loose on the neighborhood at large), the spotlight on, not quite snow falling in the light blazing from behind my right ear, something between rain and snow but definitely visible coming down straight, I wish I could snapshot my mind sometimes (like this one), pure joy in simple weather, these simple things after a day of fixing all sorts of complications with computers and their machinations (and users…), so here I am just standing in awe, and I let out a breath, and see it set in full form, and try to blow those cool smoke “O” rings, I can not of course, but then I think about the formation of my exhale itself, the very life exiting my body at that very moment, one of the breaths less in the count, for surely there is a count, sadly down, or rejoiced for how long compared to some, but there it is, my breath, a life, something of me breathed back out into the world, maybe recycled one hundred fold, maybe this was once snow on everest, or just dew upon the newest born leaf (or the exhaust of a 72 veedub), all I know is this frozen time, my breath billows out into this surreal, and I am fascinated in all this living dream, as the precipitation still falls in unison as if commissioned (I am mesmerized)… … … and then the jangle of samantha’s tags (the dog, after all), brings me back from this dreamy plane, but those sweetest eyes that look up fuel other dreams, so I slide the door and let her in, taking one look back at the falling precipitation … and breathe out one deep last breath…

notes.. I was going to post a poem about breath that tonight reminded me of, and then this came rambling out of me first as I was thinking about how I felt out on the deck, consider this part of my porch series I suppose… definitely in that vibe

music… Mars De Revs “How to Disappear Completely”

Ambient masterpiece imo, very calming, a song a month composed for sleep/relaxation… I listened to this all day at work often. And I would be remiss if I did miss, the opportunity to say thanks to… you.

Remembering a time.

Remembering a time.

photo of blue sea
Photo by Ibrahim Asad on

music to read by: Minus the Bear – Pachuca Sunrise

This tune just carries me away in the airy feel it allays… plus when it came out I was in the Florida Keys (specifically Islamorada – I will move there in 4 seconds flat if I ever won the lottery, no offense to Key West, no, actually screw Key West, total tourist hole, which can be nice but not my speed at all).  Islamorada has it all, great lodging, amazing everything nature wise (preserves and rescue centers), fishing (some of the best in the world), hand feeding huge tarpon @ robbies (by the way have breakfast there), and the water… one of my most indelible memories was watching thunderstorms roll in off the Atlantic, in the tropics thunderstorms are very local, so I could watch the individual pods coming in with lightning lighting up the clear azure water lapping at my feet, it was like islands of thunder approaching the shore all around me, like city states floating in for battle or invasion, all of them missed my particular location, I wish I had a video to share but at the time I was only armed with my memory and flip phones were the norm, but imagine all these floating castles showering thunder and light down from their perch, in different columns approaching your position, but all around you, never towards you, as you sat in the moonlight with your feet in the clearest water you might ever see… yeah, that unreal, like a movie reel but real.

Mirages of the mind.

Mirages of the mind.

photo of person walking on deserted island
Photo by Tom Swinnen on


in the fog of my existence

in the distance

I think, I think I see you

making out your form

tracing you with my eyes

standing there

are you watching?


for me to finally kill my soul

the singular formality

of all that is left of it all

so to be that sacrifice

for a moment

to give

just to be sure

that it is you

standing there

sometimes it is your heart that plays tricks, which is truly the vessel with which you see things ? or is it a symposium of the mind, heart and eyes… or a want for that perfect grail, that simple carpenter’s cup that can heal all? (I wrote this poem originally 6.18.18)

The NJ Frozen Tundra…

The NJ Frozen Tundra…

‘chill and cold takes pace
eyes span the frozen lake
life still finds a place’

one of my usual haunts (not too far from my office)… Franklin Lakes Reservoir, Franklin Lakes NJ

I uploaded a couple of short videos to my Youtube account as well.  Even in the frozen lock of winter the swans still gather, this particular pair must be used to humans (feeding them I suppose) as they drifted toward me immediately as I approached, then I backed off a little, no need to fall into the icy water, granted I wanted to get some “cooler” shots but the idea of even crashing into the ice a little was enough to keep me just far enough from the shore, I did walk out onto the boat launch (which is eerie hearing all the creaking and cracking) but those particular photos wound up sucking… oh well.  There is always tomorrow, well, until there isn’t one, so with that in mind I am trying to do more and exit my safe space life, the blog helps, it makes me want to venture out a bit more, I am sure I will never be Evel K or Survivorman or maybe not even the chocolate rain guy, but I will certainly be…. me.

Thoughts, pairs of eyes, your time, this time is always appreciated, so I bow and exit stage left for tonight.

‘walk upon a pond
came across a pair of swans
as in summer calm’

Holding on, sometimes.

Holding on, sometimes.

two person holding pinkies
Photo by Valentin Antonucci on


only for you

I forever hold

a reservation

in my heart

always a vacancy

at my door

regardless of season

or the passing years

I long for our reunion, my love

I wait for the time to come

by life or tomb

I will wait for you, my love.

notes… how do you re-wire yourself?  Or fix your own wiring?  Is it even possible? I know the love I speak of I destroyed by my own hands but have always felt it was still there, even if nascent, am I right that she was the “one” (probably not), so many things had to happen for us to meet, so many variables, different lifestyles (me moving 1000 miles from home), my soul feels instructed but my mind feels obstructed by the same thoughts, logic is a great thing but is by definition counter-intuitive and I remain (here).  If you are looking for answers from me, don’t, I can only provide my experience for you to process.  If that is what you are looking for to inform your world, than, welcome, and take a chair, can I offer you a drink? sit back, enjoy. (I wrote this poem 8.31.2018 but it only hit me now to post it).

music – Tori Amos – Winter

nuff said

a few quick items…

a few quick items…

blue clouds color danger
Photo by Pixabay on

not even sure if these are complete, but admittedly I have an awful track record of going back and finishing things (I write in the moment best), so I consider these my orphans as it were, just thoughts, a capture in time, a brief idea (maybe the ideas will catch fire in someone else’s sphere),  so without further blathering fanfare here they are… (cue curtain pulling back, lights fading)

struggling to describe the scene
a man of words hides in verse

the past is written in stone
engraved upon my soul

I close my eyes to see
the dawn of my dreams
as I drift to sleep
I walk upon the gate

team picks
in a pitch of reeds
taller domain

notes… this last one was a play on how back in the day we were picked for teams in games (ahem on a pitch) almost by height, and also had to line up by height when we were kids in school (does this still happen? I don’t know.) I was looking at the bay of reeds at the end of the street of my office which is now a construction site building a personal cube storage place… (these were written a few months ago, specifically 12.2 for the first one and 11.20 for the rest… out of my journals, man my handwriting still sucks, you think I would learn to write a little smoother, you would think…)

music – Tycho’s set from burning man 2018 (with visuals)

I totally dig it from a visual and aural sense, this is not all his stuff, plenty of call backs in there, but just relaxing (well, at least to me, for what it is worth), but check him out if he comes to your town, man I love his music.

and speaking of worth! thanks for reading, I ramble, I type, even if one person reads this all is cool but honestly I am just sharing, so if the art hits a heart I was not aiming, so… thanks.  all likes, follows, comments, rhubarb pies, capezios, z-cavariccis are appreciated.  feel free to quote me, just credit me, if you don’t well.. ah, maybe you will get a fungus on one of your toes or something… (wink, but seriously thanks to all who stumble upon my little corner of the world)  I am off to replay Rygar

The universes of scale…

The universes of scale…

healthy nature relaxation water
Photo by Pixabay on

the scale of ponds

as I look out beyond
just my reach of site, this pond
for this is all I may ever see
of the oceans and seven told of seas
even this common ground
upon a leaf that has found
upon my gaze in scales not bound
a body of water clear as glass
in the palm of a leafy frond
turned tan by age
and gravity down
for within this earthly confine
waves and a shore all but mine
the life and eternal in this space
a moment of infinity to embrace
volume means nothing to scale of meaning
atoms are the fabric of all things
from a galaxy down
in my hands I do hold
all and nothing of all ever told

notes… written 1.7, I was thinking about how things are perceived through the perception of our scale, meaning how we process things because we are a certain size (and exist in a certain space), if we were atoms surely a little water in a fallen leaf would be an ocean, if we were a galaxy our planetary oceans would be a tear drop by comparison, all about scale, so to me there is universes within universes in everything but we experience what we do because of where we are by sheer chance (or destiny depending on your belief), but either way the universe , all of time, conspired for you to read this at this moment in the time of all things, of all existence as we can perceive it, my head hurts… but contemplate that for a moment (pausing, waiting for you to contemplate, c’mon, I don’t have all day, well, ok, maybe I do, but that is none of your business)

music ? I have been into binaural beats lately for all sorts of things:

Sleep, Focus, Calm

Hat tip to Rarebear for reminding me about these things and to post this.

the moon you know, the moon you don’t…

the moon you know, the moon you don’t…

sky space moon astronomy
Photo by Pixabay on
“We ran as if to meet the moon.”
Robert Frost
Do we take the moon for granted?  Our little companion in perfect orbit (synced so close to ours that one side faces us all the time).  Other planets have tons of moons (Saturn has 62!) but our little friend is out just in the right place where we can have full eclipses (that is actually super rare in our little solar system – but not here on water world!)   So my last post was all about musings on the moon (in poem form), so for those with a little nerdy science streak l ask… did you get all the little references? granted some are obvious, I mean we have known this moon our whole lives right?  just curious… so, if you don’t want spoilers read no further, here is all the little tidbits I was thinking about writing that poem…

seven seas ? OK, obvious… Pangea ? OK, not brilliant… master of all seasons ? I was trying to invoke how we take for granted our place in a hemisphere, so the moon could care less, it is the same when the southern hemisphere is in winter or the northern hemisphere is in winter… dead eye’s watch? the moon is quite dead, nothing there… blinks as slow ? I needed some vehicle to explain the phases, so I chose sound witch travels way slower than light, and we see moonlight… born of earthly rock ? I am referencing the theory that the moon is born of a cosmic collision (one of many but I think it makes the most sense, not 100% proven obviously – this is also referenced in the line “twin composition“)… millennia of collision ? pretty obvious, the moon has been bombed by asteroids or other bodies, the evidence is there of a violent past, there was all sorts of stuff flying around the solar system when it was forming, there is still tons of stuff out in the kuiper belt and the oort cloud waiting to make impact at some point… I think the rest of the piece is pretty clear
so anyway, if you made it this far? damn.. thanks for riding down the rabbit hole with me, I appreciate all reads and eyes, and any comments are gladly taken even if you think I am a dumb stump stuck in the mud, I am probably not, but how would I know if I was ?

super blood wolf fish hamster moon thing.

super blood wolf fish hamster moon thing.


clearly the phenom was cool ( site), that’s my photo from my deck sunday night when I was walking Samantha (a black lab mix rescue dog – she’s 10-ish), but it also inspired this…

1.22.2019 the night watcher

before the seven seas
before the age of pangea
master of all seasons
a dead eye’s watch
blinks as slow as sound
born of earthly rock
millennia of collisions tell
this barren face does watch
down upon creation
ever in the shadow
of the twin composition
not privy to the tidal lives
evolving below this stoic eye
left to turn and spin in cold
destined to observe and never hold
and how many human eyes have wandered
up at you on nights like these
wondered what has come and gone
as you bear witness back to sun
from the first step of life upon this earth
cursed to watch from orbit’s perch

notes… I have a bunch of science nods in this one, I won’t uncover them all now (hey man it is late here on the E C)… I’ll get to it though and re-post, there is a bunch of nerdy stuff in there with the literary flowers.

Music ? (for those adventurous in the electronic realm) :

IPeiqi – landscape

call it deep tech/trance/tech ambient… I dunno, I love it.

and thank you to all who read my stuff, I bow and say thanks.