even sitting here, among my nothing life, I do not mean to say I hate life (I really do love life), but how can I comprehend anything, we have all these non-consequential things, houses, a deck, which I am sitting upon now, listening to the world, the world we dominate at this time, the beautiful sound of night birds singing themselves to sleep, the distant sound of a train, why does the distant sound of a train, mixed with my visible breath on a cold eve, why does that distant cry of a train feel almost… sacred, dated, historical, and comforting, seeing my breath appear and evaporate into the night air like smoke, seeing the green creep, again, back as spring claws back, as it always does… sitting in a chair here, the sky spitting a bit, but not awful downpours, the temp just enough to sit out on the border of my land, soon to be not my land, in the scheme of things, we are squatters honestly, I try my best to foster nature but how much can I do in my short life? not much. honestly, not much, the world will spin and forget about me and you honestly. This makes me think more and more that my job here is to be happy, never at the expense of others, but the rest? yeah, I can get involved… but what is the point? This makes me tired, I just want to live my life and be happy… but that is something that can not happen with human beings. I am actively searching for the balance of being happy, being barely here in times sake, and leaving a better place for people after me… even if our run is so short, and it is, I want to have hope… and that is what I want to instill in people, hope.
Month: April 2026
the tower
a door
a window
the view
is much different
when looking
from a tower;
the many hours
looking out
looking up
perhaps closer to the top
of the world
scratching the stars
every inch
yet so far
every foot
yet a dream;
such is the human endeavor
stitched into our seams
hands stretched out
until our leave.
little things…
sometimes the world is dancing right in front of you… what may be a drab dingy somewhat dirty asphalt patch can be an oasis… there is a lesson in there somewhere…
the day
such the summer tease
jaunt into 80 degrees
rain now flirts with snow
a bird’s chorus rounds
and the moon phasses once round
now, no single note
been a while…
sometimes you need to remind yourself, to be yourself, and perhaps that is getting back to an old habit, a good one, in this case, just sitting out on my porch, unplugging the old noggin, amputating the phone from my hand, and just listening to the world around me, carving out a 10 minute or so chunk of time I would have wasted otherwise to pay more attention to the fishbowl than usual…
I should know every bird and call by now… shouldn’t I? I have lived here most of my life, haven’t I? Surely, the players have not really changed all that much, cardinals, robins, etc. I should know them all by sight and voice by now, but I must confess, I don’t, which hits me as oddly strange and almost hard to believe, there are so many subjects on which I am not verse, the chapters are all right there in front of me, daily
I have had a new visitor lately, a kitten, or something in-between, not totally skittish but just sits there and looks at me, and I thee, I leave food out on occasion, like fish skins and such leftover from dinner, for sometime I have been convinced it was one of the little foxes from last summer, but now I think I know better, either way why throw out food that something will be delighted to eat, I mean, I do put out bird seed in a feeder, for the squirrels mostly, but I can’t help that, I’ve tried the gadgets and such… but the squirrels always seem to get some, but I don’t mind really, as long as the birds have some, and they do.
I think I need to sit out more and just observe as I used to do, more often, it really is relaxing/grounding, even in the packed ‘burbs of New Jersey (we are the most populous state by density – yeah, and there is a huge portion with no people! (the pine barrens aka home of the Jersey Devil… but that is a story for another day…)
notes… since I actually penned this I am up to 4 visiting kittens now outside my door (well, in the back yard really)… and also Taylor D is a master of ambient… he has done so much for decades now…check him out if you like the genre… you never know where my blog will go, neither do I. why? because it is simply a passion hobby not a focus, so when I disappear for awhile I am out in the real world, then I come back here and sling some things… if you get it… you get it… thanks for all the eyes.
the way of things presents…
the hands of the sunrise extend
with warmth, the stretch
begins,
to cradle the world
inch of ground by inch next found;
the hands of the sunset
withdraw back
slow grasp, on a final gesture
until the light
fades down, to none;
and the message-?
all cycles
orbits
life
all begin and end
but-
there is always a beginning
around the next bend.
note… I used to dissect and explain a bunch of stuff, I got away from it for some time, this one, I will let you in a bit, well, for one, this is a off the cuff piece, as most of my stuff is, no shade, that is just my process, be your own thing, get comfortable with you, and if that don’t fit? change… who cares, do it, be happy with yourself before you cross the roads of life… anyway, pontificating aside, I don’t know why, maybe it was the angle of the sun? but I felt like the late day shadows were like the hands of god slowly pulling back from the world, now, when I say “god” I mean whatever, whatever that means to you, that’s fine, for me, I don’t have a religion but I am not an atheist perse… I just have not found that deity that “clicks” with me… and I am cool with that, honestly, as I have said many times in the past, I would love to be a believer in Jesus or something as such, and I used to think of such people as loons… which is of course stupid. Why? glad you asked… because… a very simple thing came to me… I don’t have the answers, so… as improbable as it seems to me, hey I can not say Jesus is not the answer… so, if that, or whatever works for you, I am genuinely glad for you, it just has never clicked for me. I would say Buddhism is intriguing as well but again, nothing has touched my heart to take the toll on the bridge of faith… I’m still alive (thankfully), so who knows what this life will bring… I am open to the world but I am just a dude, flawed, smarter than some, dumber than others, like the earth, I have mountains, valleys, underwater mountains that are probably larger than the visible (that is a subconscious comment), lakes, ponds… we are just a reflection of the earth in human form, that’s my story right now, and I am sticking to it…
Shades of My Garden 