even sitting here, among my nothing life, I do not mean to say I hate life (I really do love life), but how can I comprehend anything, we have all these non-consequential things, houses, a deck, which I am sitting upon now, listening to the world, the world we dominate at this time, the beautiful sound of night birds singing themselves to sleep, the distant sound of a train, why does the distant sound of a train, mixed with my visible breath on a cold eve, why does that distant cry of a train feel almost… sacred, dated, historical, and comforting, seeing my breath appear and evaporate into the night air like smoke, seeing the green creep, again, back as spring claws back, as it always does… sitting in a chair here, the sky spitting a bit, but not awful downpours, the temp just enough to sit out on the border of my land, soon to be not my land, in the scheme of things, we are squatters honestly, I try my best to foster nature but how much can I do in my short life? not much. honestly, not much, the world will spin and forget about me and you honestly. This makes me think more and more that my job here is to be happy, never at the expense of others, but the rest? yeah, I can get involved… but what is the point? This makes me tired, I just want to live my life and be happy… but that is something that can not happen with human beings. I am actively searching for the balance of being happy, being barely here in times sake, and leaving a better place for people after me… even if our run is so short, and it is, I want to have hope… and that is what I want to instill in people, hope.
the tower
a door
a window
the view
is much different
when looking
from a tower;
the many hours
looking out
looking up
perhaps closer to the top
of the world
scratching the stars
every inch
yet so far
every foot
yet a dream;
such is the human endeavor
stitched into our seams
hands stretched out
until our leave.
little things…
sometimes the world is dancing right in front of you… what may be a drab dingy somewhat dirty asphalt patch can be an oasis… there is a lesson in there somewhere…
the day
such the summer tease
jaunt into 80 degrees
rain now flirts with snow
a bird’s chorus rounds
and the moon phasses once round
now, no single note
been a while…
sometimes you need to remind yourself, to be yourself, and perhaps that is getting back to an old habit, a good one, in this case, just sitting out on my porch, unplugging the old noggin, amputating the phone from my hand, and just listening to the world around me, carving out a 10 minute or so chunk of time I would have wasted otherwise to pay more attention to the fishbowl than usual…
I should know every bird and call by now… shouldn’t I? I have lived here most of my life, haven’t I? Surely, the players have not really changed all that much, cardinals, robins, etc. I should know them all by sight and voice by now, but I must confess, I don’t, which hits me as oddly strange and almost hard to believe, there are so many subjects on which I am not verse, the chapters are all right there in front of me, daily
I have had a new visitor lately, a kitten, or something in-between, not totally skittish but just sits there and looks at me, and I thee, I leave food out on occasion, like fish skins and such leftover from dinner, for sometime I have been convinced it was one of the little foxes from last summer, but now I think I know better, either way why throw out food that something will be delighted to eat, I mean, I do put out bird seed in a feeder, for the squirrels mostly, but I can’t help that, I’ve tried the gadgets and such… but the squirrels always seem to get some, but I don’t mind really, as long as the birds have some, and they do.
I think I need to sit out more and just observe as I used to do, more often, it really is relaxing/grounding, even in the packed ‘burbs of New Jersey (we are the most populous state by density – yeah, and there is a huge portion with no people! (the pine barrens aka home of the Jersey Devil… but that is a story for another day…)
notes… since I actually penned this I am up to 4 visiting kittens now outside my door (well, in the back yard really)… and also Taylor D is a master of ambient… he has done so much for decades now…check him out if you like the genre… you never know where my blog will go, neither do I. why? because it is simply a passion hobby not a focus, so when I disappear for awhile I am out in the real world, then I come back here and sling some things… if you get it… you get it… thanks for all the eyes.
the way of things presents…
the hands of the sunrise extend
with warmth, the stretch
begins,
to cradle the world
inch of ground by inch next found;
the hands of the sunset
withdraw back
slow grasp, on a final gesture
until the light
fades down, to none;
and the message-?
all cycles
orbits
life
all begin and end
but-
there is always a beginning
around the next bend.
note… I used to dissect and explain a bunch of stuff, I got away from it for some time, this one, I will let you in a bit, well, for one, this is a off the cuff piece, as most of my stuff is, no shade, that is just my process, be your own thing, get comfortable with you, and if that don’t fit? change… who cares, do it, be happy with yourself before you cross the roads of life… anyway, pontificating aside, I don’t know why, maybe it was the angle of the sun? but I felt like the late day shadows were like the hands of god slowly pulling back from the world, now, when I say “god” I mean whatever, whatever that means to you, that’s fine, for me, I don’t have a religion but I am not an atheist perse… I just have not found that deity that “clicks” with me… and I am cool with that, honestly, as I have said many times in the past, I would love to be a believer in Jesus or something as such, and I used to think of such people as loons… which is of course stupid. Why? glad you asked… because… a very simple thing came to me… I don’t have the answers, so… as improbable as it seems to me, hey I can not say Jesus is not the answer… so, if that, or whatever works for you, I am genuinely glad for you, it just has never clicked for me. I would say Buddhism is intriguing as well but again, nothing has touched my heart to take the toll on the bridge of faith… I’m still alive (thankfully), so who knows what this life will bring… I am open to the world but I am just a dude, flawed, smarter than some, dumber than others, like the earth, I have mountains, valleys, underwater mountains that are probably larger than the visible (that is a subconscious comment), lakes, ponds… we are just a reflection of the earth in human form, that’s my story right now, and I am sticking to it…
to those who stood and fell
thousands upon thousands of rows
of those, the glass-gone eyes,
locked eternal glass-gaze
towards, forever- the sky,
contained there, within-
never broken, internal will,
the eyes are now forever locked
never shut-
so look up, upon their dream
with them, for them
dedicated to those who braved their souls, and lost their lives in protest. you have paved the roads to a better future.
wwww waves
but for the simple pleasure
of the sand
filling the spaces
between my toes
and the surf
washing over them-
a welcome-
–
…
crash…
cresting over them-
so, this, this is, bliss-
distilled into purity
in motion
this is but one grace of the mother’s hand
the vast.
medallions of the sky
celestial bodies
the fabric of space
the invisible mass
the hand that holds- this all in place,
the measure of distance-
beyond our measure (honestly)
from the earth to the moon
but just a skip of ether
to the sun
on to poor diminished pluto
‘wear a coat’
I’m told-
although I might never go
even down the block
in this little nook
in our neighborhood, a cul-de-sac
our one sun-
our only one.
notes… can we even contemplate the vastness? of our galaxy? of the universe? can we ever literally wrap our head around such a concept? and then pour in the concept of time and infinity… it is all overwhelming… but yet, there is still that beacon, that lighthouse, that voice in all of it, from the space between atoms to the birth of the big bang or the reverse… hope.
the awfulness of traffic
sure, this is a first world problem. I admit it… but damn… I can not explain the soul crushing of having to sit in 5 hours of traffic to go back and forth to the nassau collieseum … for a nothing expo that should have been cancelled but got pushed back a day.. so… um.. anyway..
it is soul crushing… to sit in your car for miles and miles in our supposed enlightened country.. among the “smartest” who hold themselves above the rest of the country… how smart can we be to design bonds via highways that thousands upon thousands are stuck upon daily? how is that not the most important thing to fix? and is never mentioned… and we accept it? insane… I was in my car for 5 hours today… and traveled 50 miles total… that is insane… now you know my pain, again, this is nothing compared to cancer or people’s ills… but things that are solvable bother me… and this is one of those.. and it made me think of this band that never got traction, I know, weird reaction but… to me this was a hit song… that no one heard of, best heard by someone like me, instead of wasting our time in traffic doing nothing, at least we can be importing something else into our lives… I had to meditate… or at least do breathing exercises in traffic this morning… just to feel human…. we need to change that.
Shades of My Garden 