“sometimes you think the rain will never end
but it always does”
-me
Month: July 2020
ah, so some haiku, as I am known to not usually do (to form)…
little yellow star
buttercup
for summer has come
notes… well, I must confess I went full on form haiku here, but it makes sense to me, these little flowers in my lawn only bloom in the summer sun, I was out there sweating my,… well never mind, it was hot, let’s say it that way, but those little flowers, the only ones that populate lawns beside dandelions, have you tasted them? the name is not misplaced, they taste great, something I learned in day camp decades ago. and you know, I have not repeated the experience, I should…
the seduction of summer thunder…
does it make me strange to have an almost romantic affinity for summer thunderstorms?
the sound of distant thunder on the evening, no, not menacing, or foreboding, a promised release from the iron grip of summer’s heat, a most welcome visitor to this house in this hour, peak of summer thunderstorms have a different feel than other times of year, with sharpened brash fury they also bring comforting relief, there is the slow approach as the sound grows closer, the ground shakes slightly and then ever more slight, leaves tremble, forearm hairs begin cross conversation and stand on end at attention, every inch of air, every pound of ground knows what is coming, anticipation swells in all the land, then, without notice, without a proper introduction, the drops come, first, single file mostly, marking circular targets near my feet, then multiplying, uncontrollably, as if to color rain by number every square inch of space, soon all the ground is a tapestry of water either falling or catching or running, a thousand drummers pouring down aloud, no, now the sound of ten thousand drums exploding at once, and instantly the break, a crack of back, broken grip, snap the whip against the humidity’s oppressive lock, that stranglehold fades from the neck of day, freed chains drop with heft, relief, nature bringing balance back onto itself, in an instant, all the world revels in the scene, and I observer the cocoon broken to luscious butterfly.
the sound of distant thunder on the evening
carriage and main approaching
kicked up dust
double barrel loaded
the crash of thor’s hammer
electrical power to break the sky open
to shake – the very ground
bathed in streaming rivers
the world begins to drink
in sweet glory
the world will drink her fill
poking the haiku bear…
summer rain
water droplets suspended
on a spiders web
notes… so, I like haiku, in theory that is… I like the blunt tone but focus on nature/truth revealed (traditionally), however I just can’t keep myself to the norm forms, so this is 3/7/5 kind of a blend, I was out checking out my new bamboo plants after the rain (giant leaf and houzeau proud horticultural nerd papa that I am), I saw a spider’s web near the house anchored at the end of my siding to the ground, almost like a teepee, it was like a freeze-frame of rain, various size droplets in suspended animation, and these words popped into my head… there is more layers to this but I will let you contemplate that my friends…
I don’t endorse products or push links that make me money, so with no incentive I tell you that Lewis Bamboo is awesome, they know what they are doing and have great support, so that is why I linked to them specifically.
an affirmation…
is the price of life
forgetting your past existence
for memories are energy, and there is only a finite amount, sure, the universe is larger than what we can wrap our current head around but everything has bounds, everything has limits, what if there is only so much to go around, kind of a more physics way of approaching the idea of the Guf, a universal recycling program if you will, less ashes to ashes more us to us, obviously you were meant to be, you are here reading this, so that is proof positive, matter is not destroyed but relived or reworked, energy is the same, there is only a finite amount of material, and then pause on the cosmic odds, your life, my life, so strange to consider that stars actually did align for all this, the entirety of all existence is culminated in your consciousness, the grooming of billions of years, bodies in motion, the cosmos endless ocean, to produce that note, that wonderful sound of you, you were meant to be born and live right now.
modus onerariis
the passing of these blessed hours
for I have failed you
I can not recall the original station where I got on, they all seem the same, various configurations of brick and tile, metal bars framing stairs, all leading to quaint towns and their common squares, I can not recall how long this ride has been, as long as I have been, time pulls forward, always in motion, a frame not unlike an old airstream trailer I imagine, from the outside, the lulling rhythmic sound kha chunk kha chunk kha chunk kha chunk, the gentle up and down glide riding the waves over land and rail, a strobe light effect, yes, like flickering, but not like flame, mechanical, a robotic toddler playing with a light switch, on off on again, billboards and advertisements plastered with memories, some graffiti, some show ragged worn edges that have succumb to weather, there is only one destination and that is never back, there is never a moment grasp just a string of them, and all those who have passed through this particular car, for a conversation, a meal, perhaps more, but in the end I am here standing holding the strap myself, I suppose my legs will tire, eventually, and retire to the uncomfortable looking seats, but, the racing pacing scenes fly by, like movies marquee in my eye, a lullaby, waking sleep as to the passage of time, for surely passed, even if this is mine, flashing bulbs pop with cut scenes, cities, forests, oceans vast, landscapes familiar and foreign, laughter, tears, and the warm indifference of fear, the dream of love to transform this form sometimes a visitor here, the sweet songs that have been sung and those not yet composed, I wonder about the conductor, never seen nor heard, but clearly there is something steering, lines laid had to be built by some purpose, by some hands, by some means, but I am a mere passenger riding out my days, as best I can.
time is not sacred but a master
love is not blind that has no eyes
a feeling
a knowing
like a tide gathering to caress the shore
a train rambling on the lines
station to station with no stops
scenes from a life in between flashes
flashes of the lights
like snapshots
flashing bulbs
the highlights and the nots
rambling
rambling on down the line
a basin of hands
why this popped into my head? I have no idea, the whim of the universe I suppose…
but go with me and maybe you will reveal something to yourself as I did, so… take your hands, turn them inwards, so your palms and wrists are facing towards your face, connect your pinky tips together and then bring your hands together in the middle seam (top to bottom) like they are sewn together, all the while keeping your palms up in your line of sight… and look, examine, the lines, all those inexplicable lines come together in some sort of crazy jigsaw map of YOU, not a perfect mirror but certainly remnants of that one cell that divided to become two…
is the natural state of our hands? a basin, a cup, a vessel, to remind us of the vessel from which we were brought from, I suppose I have noticed this before but for some reason missed the wonder, putting my hands side by side so the lines collide and become one – running outward to the coasts of the palms, a pause of earnest humble,
…supplication…
when two become one for the greater outcome or goal, this is not prayer with palms together, no, this is asking to receive, a willing flag of good surrender of one’s self to believe, to place faith in a higher fate, and for some reason, this pose, this slight of hands, makes me think of a fetus in the womb, our purest existence untainted and not stained by the outer world as yet, the womb may be the palms themselves cradling life, sheltering in a shell this ultimate gift, the most sacred Matryoska doll inside, do we actually realize we spent nearly a year inside someone else? such a strange and foreign thought that we were very much alive but not breathing as we have done every day since, a semi-aquatic being in world of such all encompassing warmth and yet all darkness but not the darkness of fear, but not absence of light – the light of life inside, an egg in a shell floating within an amazing protective harness, an incubation of our coming self forward, from a couple of cells to this moment, all those years ago and I have no memory – as if, as if I was meant to forget the start of the journey, perhaps like a lotus flower, I was meant to bloom, but archaeological human remnants remain, in this… a basin of hands… so I say thanks in my inner way and stare at my hands once again… with great wonder, I could never have built this alone.
memory triggers: the sounds of (late) summer
there is humid, and then there is HUMID, some wise man said sometime or something… yesterday was one of those days, the kind of weighty yoke that slows the world down to near motionless, every effort seems an affront to good sense, sweat is not an option just a nod to how much and how swept, you can see the air frying and understand how mirages work, adding to this physical dissonance is that strange sound, some might describe this as a buzzing sound but yet to me the truth lies somewhere on the spectrum elsewhere, maybe the union of a common snake’s hiss and a raged rattlesnake’s rattle, and like the waves of heat that seem to break upon your face that sound is much the same, rising and falling in some strangely robotic chorus of the natural world, is this displeasure? a warning? of course the mystery is gone, we know cicadas are the cause, but as I regularly do (and I do) I wonder about the time before these things were plain and easy to find out (in the palm of your hand if you will), if you close your eyes and listen to the sound, what mysterious creatures or demons abound? I imagine trees dripping with perfectly camouflaged pit vipers, curled around the branches like leaves among leaves, ready to strike at any passer by who’s senses are worn down by the withering heat, or maybe these are the sirens of lore, just land born, lulling you with their waves of song into a desperate shore, to what end? only they know, so they sing some more bars…
you know, maybe I am overthinking this, the actuality, the reality, the actual cause of the noise is something one might not believe, little bugs, critters, supposed dwellers in the cellar of the hierarchy of life, cicadas, vibrating a membrane to the point of insane, a coital chorus of love, I suppose we all dance to a different song, but that sound, my mind is instantly tied and kidnapped to the end of summer, the lazy hazy days of late summer, is this August yet? no… not quite, but this sure feels like it, the end of summer, the closing of the funhouse is around the corner, but yet I want more, but as many years pass, so do the chances, so heed the song, and remember this is all, passing.
Jersey moment of Zen… (and fossil digging)
My home state gets a bad rap, ok, some of it IS warranted (we have more superfund sites than any other state and considering the size of the state that is embarrassing), but, but… BUT I tell you, there are gems here, one of which is Big Brook Park which goes across parts of Monmouth County (which has a rich history itself), Big Brook is one of the few (rare) places in the entire country where you can openly dig for fossils (and it is a rich trove at that), personally I habit the Colts Neck section, NJ horse country… yes, you read that correctly, NJ has a horse country section, tons of farms, all of twenty to thirty minutes from the more urban areas like Newark, how odd to be able to hop in your car for 15 minutes and feel like you are in the middle of nowhere… that is where this video is, a park nestled in the backyards of a very affluent area actually, the reeds are a playground for the local deer, and there is just something about the sound of the wind on the reeds section, an instant recognizable sound, one you just want to close your eyes and let your ears bathe in, like the wind brushing the earth’s hair, all this surrounded by the various trappings of New Jersey, a special place, and yes, I always find some interesting things back there…
If anyone is interested or in my general area I will gladly give you directions and tips, I see more families down there this year, a great place for kids to explore and learn, and the cost? free… how does that grab you. I have met plenty of people in my travels there from Delaware to Pennsylvania, it is worth the drive if you plan it out.
lost.love.letters.
as once the sphinx
asleep in the sands
so clear now upon excavation
my mind wanders
a, lone, last, resident, heart
incoherent, time travel
to a place, a palace of emptiness
a tomb, once resplendent in the adornments of love
a blooming garden in the sun,
long gone –
dilapidated ruins, strewn columns, passing uncaring tourist feet
wanton blind, I travel the path, to the lost oasis, armed, with no reason
a fool’s journey of temporary reprieve or warm habit had
but old empty hands itch
for anything to grasp
and so this goes
my fantasy, once reality, my past
a proud worn marker once, leans down broken,
half buried in dirt once mud, discarded, on a side road
forgotten by some
haunted by others
tethered by one
notes… Of course I am fascinated by the pyramids and such… the sphinx was buried until pretty recently, so imagine the sphinx sleeping for a time, where the meaning maybe was forgotten, but have I made a monument in my mind? to my love… yes, maybe, and then the years pass and you forget, for a time, but then maybe revisit that monument, that love, buried a bit, worn, but never gone, that is what I was feeling here, and the gist of the thrust of the poem… as usual it came up upon me and just wrote, the first few lines just popped into my head.
Shades of My Garden 