Pilot in a man suit…

Pilot in a man suit…


SO here I am driving, pondering, I notice something, a strange sensation invades my thoughts

I feel like I am a pilot in a man suit

all these years spent in this body, this sensation seems like an out of body experience, although I have surely never left this vessel, this feels distinctly like I am a passenger or more rightly a conductor, I can perceive the nerve clusters bundled up behind the orbs of my eyes inside the casing of my skull (the construct), these fleshy globes floating in holes, they filter everything I experience while they are engaged in their designed job, I am well aware of how they actually combine images into one, great software I think, even without the upgrade of my glasses, this is the being behind the console, my soul or collection of electronic happenings all in orchestration, might I have the hang of operating this machine by now in all the subtleties of the controls, knobs, buttons, the vast array of senses to touch this outer world beyond the reach of this inner dimension…

as always I am drawn to the impossible moment that is the now, how all the things in the vast everything of existence had to line up in just such a way for me to be here in this very moment, and write this, and you as well, to read this, fellow traveler, all the culmination of randomness (or perhaps purpose, I do not know) in the sheer existence of all time and verses (uni and other), just even the question of how life arrived here on earth (or sprang from boiling pools of goo, not so elegant perhaps), maybe we are the seed dna of aliens piggy backed on a meteor, or comet, or some other celestial traveler, ancient astronaut theorists say ‘YES’, well, if you are familiar with that show, they always say yes, I don’t think I have ever heard them say no, I find the matter fascinating although the actual proof of the matter is lacking, but either way, whether we slithered up out of a pile of muck or hitched a ride on some alien rock – we are here, almost belying the sheer cruel randomness of even just our tiny slice of the milky way, so very surreal, I truly hope I am just a pilot in this biomachine, and one day may I find another vessel to continue this improbable journey but just in case I should quite cherish this one, and perhaps pen a travel log of my experience for others to enjoy should they happen upon this little story of me…

Thoughts from the porch…

Thoughts from the porch…

(an ongoing series, kind of like a picture a week but of my thoughts when I step outside and take the world in, stream of my consciousness I suppose, so I invite you to check it out)


Taking out the garbage, a sunday ritual with no holiday pending extending the weekend, a ritual, a comfort just as much as ordering out from the local, quite average, chinese restaurant, well, it is local, this day (well early night to be exact) does not seem to know what to make of itself, a cool breeze but not a cold one, no ice in sight to pronounce the season, i’m in no rush to rush back indoors, I stop to pause, to observe the world in it’s natural orderly.
I can almost taste the faint of hope in the air, or maybe it is just the slight relent of the choke-hold of cold that has settled into common trend these past months, the tides of spring are surely rising, somewhere out there, past the horizon, but yet, I am quite sure winter has not shed all of her teeth.
there is a great deal more sound out on the town tonight, to my left the semi-distant whizzing din of a busy road, up and to the left the low rumble roar of a jumbo-liner on to a destination, more immediately left (two houses down across the street) children squabbling getting into the car after a night at their grandparent’s house, “stop it L-a-c-e-y!!” pierces the block, me, dumping my recyclables into the recycle bin with a clangy avalanche of metal and glass, my neighbor’s dog Cookie barking at every little thing (I wonder how old she is now?), such a contemplative difference a little slice of time makes, we might just get of this thing alive, I think…

and I would be remiss if I did not say thanks to anyone who reads this, I appreciate all comments and thoughts, I can only process my own after all, how it affects others is a different animal, that I would like to wrestle some understanding from. (oh, and that last line is a doors thing, I am not going to link to it, to easy)




sometimes nature does the work for me (she’s good like that)

like a swarm of pine
there is the science of ice
look at my windshield

Sometimes I like Haiku, this would be one of those times, the Japanese have a knack for, well, some straight up weirdness, but also for being a crucible when it comes to poetic form.

MAME game of the moment : Strider, yeah I am a retro gamer geek full on, with a tankstick, hey, I work hard, I need to decompress sometimes without the nature bug, the snug feel of an old game, a time machine, that brings me back to my youth, which I still feel young but surely am not, in relation to those times, we can only relate to what we have done, experience is a very personal thing.

music ? sticking to the retro game thing… here is some Bit Brigade, they rock out to old nintendo game music (which I grew up with), they play the background music that would be on as someone plays the actual game… I know, super nerdy, but that’s me (vid games AND guitars ? hello?) !

Bit Brigade – Mega Man 2 @ Magfest

and time catches you

and time catches you

black shower head switched on
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com


I step naked from the shower

stop to fill the Davinci pose

I am not a perfect body

far from, far flung

and what do you see

in this earthly form

do you really see me ?

I wonder

I am confused by the look in your eyes

do I transmit, do you receive

are we talking


in the same language, our common tongues,

beyond this flesh

are we not inside each other, anymore?

I pause,

and I get dressed-

you’ve left.

notes: wrote this back on 8/22 and revised it today, time has a way of moving, it seems obvious of course, but as you age you realize the ninja aspect of time, time sneaks up on you, you blink and can’t believe where you are in this now (and how much has passed, I can almost divide my life into different lives), of course time is just time, it does what it does regardless of what our personal self importance wants to bend it too, time is always a constant even if our perception of same is more like a roller coaster rising and falling, peaks and valleys, maybe I need an internal tick-tock to hear, as a reminder, every moment is a moment closer to my end whether I like it or not… that immediacy should be coursing through my veins, but it is not, I have become comfortable, and I should not be…. perhaps it is evolution for us to seek safety, I am trying to fight my own nature…

music…  a beautiful acoustic piece that I truly love… to the point…

Honesty by King’s X

this is simple, and amazing…

truth, an essay about the nature of it

truth, an essay about the nature of it


truth is like a box of chocolates, ummm… nah, that one sounds a bit too familiar for some reason so I will forgo it, thinking about it, truth is more like a perfectly formed square clear plexiglass box, a novel little thing that you can hold in your hands (just big enough to trigger a two hand response but you could hold it in one hand if you endeavored to do so), you can not inherently change it (no matter what you do), however, you can choose to do many things to suit it to you…  to hide it behind your back, or take pictures of it for disbursement, make copies and call it the “real thing“, the truth remains however, you may even hold it at a certain angle so only part is visible, or at a different vector to show off one aspect of this cute little plastic box, but the truth – has not changed, you may lash  it to a pole and smash someone in the head with it, maybe you hide it somewhere knowing someone will find it later, perhaps it is up on a ledge just out of reach, or just around the next corner, maybe you do not even know what it looks like, on a map X marks the spot, or left alone in the yard, half grown over with ivy, bury it for one thousand years in sand, paste glue popsicle sticks all over, hand print paint turkeys on the side…

but it remains, a simple box, square sides of even dimension, clear plexiglass from all sides when revealed, the truth.

“truth is what holds our feet to the very ground (whether we like it or not).” – me

“truth will ultimately prevail where there is pains to bring it to light” – GWash (some guy who founded America)

“Truth will always be truth, regardless of lack of understanding, disbelief or ignorance.” W. Clemrock

“Truth is ever to be found in simplicity, and not in the multiplicity and confusion of things.” I (the original apple) Newton

So.. what do you think about the truth … ?

about faith…

about faith…

silhouette image of person praying
Photo by Rodolfo Clix on Pexels.com

the divine path
might I lead,
divine wrath
I might reap,
the divine spark
to light me through
this fierce storm in the wake
in the pursuit of the only grace
I surely fail
as humans break
as does my will
at times will fail
for all that drains my strength
to find the well that springs again
my faith

notes (this piece was written 1/21, comments today)… faith is not a particularly religious thing for me, we all believe in something, even if that is ‘nothing’ in the case of atheists, I am perfectly fine with both sides, why?  I came to a calm in my mind some years ago, I know I do not have all the answers, am I more confident than some in my beliefs ? sure (I am trying to lose that). but I acknowledge the effect of ego and my experience on that belief.  My belief does not bring me total comfort per-se as I am in limbo but yet there is some respite there in capitulation to the fact that I do not have the answers, how arrogant it would be for me to look down on those who have found theirs, god could be a goat named bob in wisconsin for all I know, and for all I know I will only be here a blink, so, I should not waste my time judging those that have found peace, so bless you all in whatever form that takes, me, it is just the universe, being alive, being in nature, but I am glad the human brain has the capacity to make movies for all movie goers (I just wish the floor wasn’t so sticky).

music> ? Yeah, I am all about that! here is some acoustic goodness, how this song never became big is beyond me… (of course Summerland (this is a fan cover, with passion) is my favorite song of all time)

Legal Kill – King’s X

this is the secondary singer of the band, they all can sing lead, Ty Tabor has a very beatles tone (he is a huge fan of them)

Red Mill, historic site, Paramus NJ

Red Mill, historic site, Paramus NJ

road nature trees branches
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I made a pact with myself, when I started this blog, that my goal was honesty and personal growth, part of that movement in the nation me is to actively notice things that I see everyday and check them out (instead of passively passing them by), essentially we should see beauty every chance we get, and I also think history is beautiful, there are ugly moments, sure, but history is a vehicle in which we can gain experience without having to live through something ourselves… and learn.  Even in a country as new as this (in the scheme of thing’s america is very new) we have plenty of history, especially here in new jersey.  So saturday I decided to check out this place I have driven by hundreds of times…

I have mixed feelings about the place, I like that it is a little enclave in the middle of major roads (Route 4, 208, rt 80 is not too far), there is a nice path from the lot through the park (it splits, I only went left this time), it is interesting that the park literally is in people’s backyards when you are walking, some owners have gates that open to the park, others, well, their fences seem less comfortable if you get my drift, unfortunately the nakedness of the winter reveals the debris and litter of humanity, is it overwhelming ? no, but certainly noticeable, I picked up a few pieces as I always do, but this place is in serious need of a dedicated patrol to pick up the flotsam, a little effort goes a long way, I guess this is the paramus river, I should google it but I don’t feel like it, the roar of the tiny rapids does pose some nice sound and almost (almost) drowns out the car traffic buzzing about and over, I shall check this out further in the future… it did not inspire a thought on the spot, but upon reflection tonight I wrote this (first draft just for this post):

upon red mill
the common ground now a park
with visions before the founding
now nestled between highways and routes
older than the country still
may outlast the bustle ’bout
and shared the land with history books
for washington surely crossed this little nook
and burr in yuletide of times sure partook
certainly before his career paced north to new york
and even lafayette on his farewell tour
did endure to pass these grounds
and now casual walkers, bikers and pavement encircle
the visitors of note leave their bags and baubles
but I might imagine the red mill will grist for it’s own will
and endure on beyond more generations

I posted a couple of quick vids on my youtube account as well to give you a feel.so, that promise I made to myself… maybe I honored it here, but I am still struggling to be ‘it’ all the time, there are plenty of times I don’t stop and admire… or do the right thing, I’m working on it, so should you, we are barely here in the scheme of things, I know it so easy to say that, I know, I am just a guy and I do not live up to my own standards, but I am trying, I want everyone to give effort, and make this world better, step by step.

The sun and the moon…

The sun and the moon…

switched beige table lamp
Photo by 祝 鹤槐 on Pexels.com

I often wonder would I like to live in more primitive times, to be an ancient as it were, the television would be the sky, the logs my corridors, there is an allure to that simple life but perhaps only if you hadn’t dipped that big toe into the now know, but I try to imagine what the sun and moon would mean not knowing the spin cycle that is the reason for their being in motion, sure, the celestial bodies are still a wonder, but imagine seeing these spheres magically appear and change over the course of a year, has the moon lost some luster ? has the sun lost some bright ?  doubtful… just tonight looking up at a cloudy sky, just one note color, but there, a fuzzy diffused bulb just hanging, close one eye and reach up with a hand circle spyglass, and you could almost touch the thing, even knowing in reality only a handful of humans have actually touched moona firma, and that was 50 years ago, half a lifetime these days, perhaps only a third of a lifetime just down the road, so is our wonder gone or just refocused ? does technology and knowledge disconnect  us?  I might imagine what it was like to be the guy (or gal) that figured out how to create fire on demand, the veritable steve jobs of their day, pimping Ifire, bigger Ifire, Ifire portable, but I imagine people got tired of Ifire when the only difference in Ifire 10 was charcoal briquettes, so I suppose, in all this prose, what I might be trying to say, it is all relative, all generations thought they knew the most, think of those that found all the coasts and what a revelation that was in those times, is the feeling the same now when we find a new exoplanet? or is it blase-faire ?  I often find myself sky gazing these days during the day and star gazing the night when the sun is away. and so I muse…

I find myself standing
among a forest of naked believers
limbs raised in praise
upwards to the heavens
vibrating in the breeze
so I may look there
and agree,
with no roots holding
may I ascend up into the stars
to continue this journey
into the celestial bounty

Music ? how about some space ambient… I listen to this stuff all the time…

Space Ambient Live Channel on Youtube

“Bah, love-bug”

“Bah, love-bug”

statue church amor cupid
Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com

Call me Ebenezer, or hey, just call me!  I am not a big fan of V-Day, the premise is fine, albeit contrived, but I think we should strive to celebrate life spontaneously (when the muse reminds your eye), especially us creative types, the masses (maybe not so much)?  I get it, but some of us follow blogs less traveled and thoughts quite more unraveled, maybe I am the problem ?  sure enough, guilty as shot by that uber bachelor cupid.


cupid’s bow
so quaint and narrow
chubby little fellow
seeks hearts o fallow
with one swipe
one strike
this unassuming cherubim
wink’s his eye
and with that
strikes down all of them

notes: just some simple thing I wrote just now in the moment, the point?  love conquers all (even cupid the seemingly ever-bachelor had psyche after all).  I have a more “cupid” oriented poem that I wrote a while ago (seems like ages but I still like it, so sue me, well, don’t sue me, we don’t need that, let’s not do that, thanks)

music… one of the most seductive songs I have ever heard, pump up the volume, the bass lends weight to the lines… listen to the lyrics, oh the damn lyrics.. man alive this makes me feel alive (and want to pick up one of my guitars and just get better expressing myself that way)

>>>>Minus the Bear – White Mystery