a prayer for the time of my dying…

a prayer for the time of my dying…

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for into the arms of god go I
divine guided path
with a fulfilled heart
and calm mind,
for into the bosom of god am I
for my ego shall fade
to rest
as I have arrived home
for all time.

notes… am I not dying anytime soon (I hope) but if I do I hope for more, I am not religious, I do not prescribe to any particular belief, and I do not have any angst against those that do, I have to believe something else is out there, our life on this world is truly a miracle, it could all be random and what not, I accept that, but I hope for more, I yearn for more, and if I am wrong ? I will never know anyway, so I plant my flag in the camp of hope on that end, and may I see those I love once again… somewhere, someway, maybe in a dream that is a parallel reality…

thoughts… from the porch.

thoughts… from the porch.

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hello my old friend, been awhile since we spent some time…
the relentless tide of cold has relented, and the world seems to be stirring from her slumber, some number of months now since I sat here, for this simple pleasure, inhaling and sampling the entirety of my immediate native surroundings, to sit and unpack my thoughts, a bird burst from a box, here I am again, alone, outside, starry night, full moon bright stained with a wisp of haze, a furrowed cloud line struck at a twenty degree angle beneath the face from right to left, as if to add an underline to the moon itself, “what a silly thing to do” I quip to myself, in a voice only I have ever heard, yes though, sound has slowly found a way back in to this since empty hall, as the blanket of snow retreats, lawns revealed peeking groggy gates, “ten more minutes mom”, “well, you have ’til march” (which is coming soon, certainly the next number to come up at the deli counter for order), what a strange year this has been, could I have prophesied such an entangled ride? no, for surely not, but here we are, on the promising precipice of another spring, as my family still mourns the king, and there is no natural ascension to the throne known, no writ of delegation, time will take care of that coronation, I suppose, so I wait, I have learned to have more patience these days but time still seems to roll over at break-neck pace, I can feel the itch and twitch of the hand moving, listening closely I can hear the gears turning in ever-forward motion, there is no pause, no rest, save that- one, there is no pause, just little valleys like these moments, like these when I sit among the trees pretending to be, waiting for them to bloom again, to show me the way, as ever seasons to better days – ahead. and this brings the calms of psalms, to the house of my residing soul.

slide…

slide…

(a stream of consciousness post)

slide…

the way to calm the mind, we all have our buttons, as much as I try, as much as I know myself, I still slide down that path to frustration and anger, mostly with the way other people deal with world, anathema is the word, and regardless of my self control, of my trying to accept and understand, slide, but how far is the goal I’ve found, this is not a fight you can actually win, you are the culprit within, but there is a tool for your reprisal, realization, to float back and observe the situation, focus on something bright, something other, something light, pause, the proverbial deep breath to brave the storm (as it shall pass).
slide…
so I step outside, literally and figuratively, find something else to focus on, to center on, to bring back myself to center being, and yes, even in this smothering cold winterness of near silence, providence shall provide, if you just look, and not nearly long did I spy, my own private glacier does flow, in front of my eyes, or at least a sculpture made in the random ways of the world, for four billion years this took, and here it is, presented, just for me, to remark inside at the wonder, I know the chemistry, but the random miracal-ity is what overflows within me, joy rising, now my trance, tracing down the droplets as they travel methodically down the form, around the horns, the strange angles, the sound of the drips that make their way to the ground off ends, tapping on the backs of others of their kind they have now found, and those that froze, to become those delicate tips, mocking gravity herself – for now, and all the little rays of light, bouncing in and around, suddenly my slide, the slide… is no where to be found.

Blue Sky

Blue Sky

(stream of consciousness post, meaning I wrote it in one sitting, maybe five minutes, so here it is…)

I might appreciate the application of wonder, for a blue sky, what is it? why does it hold such sway and magical spell upon my mind, is this an ideal planted as a seed long ago from when I was a mere sapling? for today is nearly one of those, and I suppose it has some effect on me, regardless of the now blighted snow, jammed, packed down, browned, kind of sad lumps as adjuncts abutting the sidewalks and roads, the only pretty perfect parts remain framed hanging in trees, on branches, on leaves, well, at least on my bean pole bamboo stalks or the evergreens, what is it about a blue sky? even in this seasonally frozen tundra where I am currently marooned, kind of a reminder, a marker, a beacon, a little pat on the back from mother nature, like a giant exhale that makes everything feel right, a release of sorts, I could dwell on the science, the cold, the reality and measurements of the actual, but that is bereft of emotion, of this feeling at least, I know the why, intellectually at least, but I would rather cuddle up and snuggle with the old cozy afghan of hand-knitted-human wonder, to close my eyes, and remember-recall-relive-revive those perfect days of past time, clear blue sky, maybe a cloud visiting once and by, but that shining-inviting-hypnotizing clear blue sky, like the world smiling, a cover, a mask, a solid illusion bolstered up against the sheer vast darkness just beyond, our fragile bubble just spinning along in such, invisible forces all at work that create a cradle of our daily harmony and ability for life, the miracle of just to be, and that little reminder, the flag up on a mailbox, a squirrel’s pause to look at you and still chew in puffy cheeks, your dog’s jaw resting on your leg with a beg for the simple pleasure of a scratch around the ear, a hug where the warmth of another becomes your own together shared, yes, the clear blue sky, reminds – and informs.

rebirth. a dream? a thought?

rebirth. a dream? a thought?

into the bosom of warmth
might I curl up
drawn in
like a new born
fern leaf,
sleep gently in that calm sea
amniotic womb
echo heartbeat in tune,
for a time-
escape the looming specter,
floating-
drifting in the dreamspace before rebirth,
may I forget the world, for a time,
inevitability to deliver me again
into the world fraught
fraught with perils
from the separation
into a single core
vulnerable as one
separate from the mother,
for a time
until I return to her
once more.

Notes… I often think of the end of life and what may happen (or not), I imagine making a bargain for reincarnation but I can not have my current conscience… sometimes I take solace in that nothing (matter) is really created or destroyed, there is a finite amount (which contains me), and other times I find comfort in knowing I DID (and you) exist, for I surely am, and my final fantasy has my soul released into the universe (or a parallel one) for we are electric beings at some level… maybe that lives on… This is something on my mind often, the unsolvable question, but I must admit, since my father has passed, I have had some calm, I feel like I can still speak to him, and he hears me, and I know the answers but feel his hand guiding me. I can not explain it rationally but I feel it. So the logic side of me shuns but the emotional tugs… and so it doesn’t matter in the end, but I grapple with it anyway…. your thoughts and comments are always appreciated my friends.

window musings (part 2)…

window musings (part 2)…

“for if this is all I have
’tis more than some will ever know”

a window into the world
defined by frames
defined by shape
much like our own

words try to clarify a picture
quantify a fraction
symbols drawn together
and agreed upon among others
language –
like an ancient tree
the high branches so far removed from root
reaching up
as if to escape
or grasp the stars – themselves
for we know to well
not bound to this earth
for we know not long – enough
as the spirit thrives to live on

pause, to take a look…

pause, to take a look…

actual photo by… me.

the sky unfolded above me
out toward the horizon
‘I have had dreams like this’
-thought crossed;
unfurled cotton waves
extended into the burnt orange
just an ordinary man
in an ordinary lot
the world transformed
into living art

notes… even on a rough day, I felt ground down to a stump, back was barking a bit, I was no where special, no where besides this miracle marble, more locally New Jersey south, in an asphalt parking lot, outside a supermarket in a semi-beach town in winter, something inside me said “pause”, the cosmos? god? an ancient ancestor giving a nod? maybe all those… for like our ancient past, I looked to the sky… and was amazed (that photo is what I saw above the usual fray I was mired in)… so, like I always say, take a pause, take it in, you might be dazzled every now and again when the norm is hanging over your head…

the reclamation… ;;;

the reclamation… ;;;

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into the dying sun
for there will go I
even the sun must, all sons will die
I turn to hope, to retain

the well is running dry
for mother is recalling her precious resource
reclamation to imbue the cosmic womb
with the life of another
death and incubation are stages, gemini
the well runs deep now
the well is running dry
so I will dig deeper
the work is harder, but familiar
hands harden like wood, with age
nails rotten with dirt – under, itches
as long as there is the energy
the breath to drift in
a beating heart within this chest

a raven stands over a puddle
and for a moment
catches a reflection