into the dying sun for there will go I even the sun must, all sons will die I turn to hope, to retain
the well is running dry for mother is recalling her precious resource reclamation to imbue the cosmic womb with the life of another death and incubation are stages, gemini the well runs deep now the well is running dry so I will dig deeper the work is harder, but familiar hands harden like wood, with age nails rotten with dirt – under, itches as long as there is the energy the breath to drift in a beating heart within this chest
a raven stands over a puddle and for a moment catches a reflection
I can not explain the feeling, like living in a moment of infinity, maybe it is the season, maybe it is the reason, I was out walking the dog, not some euphemism, literally just letting samantha out to explore and defile the lawn somewhat, I walked, out to the sidewalk, in shorts, in the cold, on january twelth, nearly 2am, wind kicking up some, time seemed to slow down to a crawl, as I looked around, slowly, it felt like forever, like this moment should be everything and all things and was, -infinity-, for a second, it felt like that, nothing else was on this human plane, there was just this, this moment, existing in this space, the wind roaming all around, the moss on the one side of the tree in the streetlight, sort of glowing, or so it seemed, to my left, the sidewalk glistening beneath from some earlier rain, at a certain angle seen, then, I turn, a sudden jarring sound, a plastic water bottle has escaped my recycling bin, rattling down the driveway run away barrel, I stop it, I pick it up, put it back, the dog is there out on the lawn, roaming around with purpose, I feel the breeze, the trees are just lines against the moon now, no leaves, no sounds, just the breeze pure against my ears, around my ears, in my ears whispering things I can not understand, I embrace it, the breeze, strike a jesus pose to try and absorb it all in like a kite flying, I can not take a deep enough breath but I try none the less, to fly, this moment, this is an experience of infinity, of endless life, of life, of life itself, this is that, for a second, I call her back in, my dog, so we can return to the now, the routine, the continuum of the real life, the banal, but I feel as if I touched something else, tonight, even for just that moment.
erudite in the language of the sun conversations with solar implications warming rays fade in my waning days might I stride along your cosmic road and sit stridently still upon your shore to witness in glory bathe and full force waves strip instant of my magnetic core and for once before my skin burns tender flesh for the absolute briefest moment might I instead experience the form that binds and breathes of all of the universe as neutrinos speed through – and – passed
notes… kind of playing around with various concepts, sometimes I just think about things like what it would be like to walk up to the sun to experience the full on force, because I marvel at how the Earth survives in such a harsh environment, if we weren’t exactly X distance (give or take) from the sun, had enough water (comets?), had a strong magnetic field (which creates the aurora borealis) and one huge asteroid decided to land in the Yucatan and wipe out millions of years of dinosaur rule…. that and some sweet lovin’ that went down by my folks and their folks before them before them before them etc…. wow, it is crazy to think about all that had to happen in the universe just for me to be here typing away on my blog… so, yeah, that’s the space I was in writing this… in case you were not wondering… thanks, as usual, comments, likes, spitballs, old tab cans and general flotsam is always appreciated (except for you, the one reading this, I’m kidding of course… or am I? (raised eyebrow provocatively) ) …
I am trying to find a way, a reminder, some token to remind me every minute (or as much as possible) how incredibly miraculous life truly is, the amount of factors for life to develop (right at this exact moment) all these billions of years… take our planet on a purely scientific scale (I won’t get too heady, I promise), we don’t think about this everyday (or enough), we are right now (look at your feet) standing on rock islands floating on immensely insane amounts of magma that could torch us to cinder in a hot second, the crust of the planet, our “terra firma” is so incredibly thin, think of the Earth as an apple (whatever varietal strokes your fancy), the crust would be as deep as the skin of said apple (are you getting warmer yet?), furthermore our atmosphere (when viewed from space) is this little thin blue haze that barely extends out off the surface, add to that lucky potion the magnetic field that shields us just enough from the sun’s harmful radiation (but let’s in just enough to let life thrive), just for all those factors to collide and let me be present to type these words – in sheer amazement at the process of time and place, humbling, how do I hold this perspective ? or more surely, how do I apply this jolt, this feeling of almost infinite discovery of the miracle of everything, life itself, this draws me to understand why people wear crosses or other religious symbols, does that work? is the pendant around your neck or a tat’ enough? personally I am not religious in the religious affiliation sense, but I hold no grudge for my fellow travelers who are (I used to be that guy who thought he had all the answers and that those who believe were dumb, yeah, that was me), I am still looking for my personal ah-ha moment (not ‘take me on’), maybe I will never find the end of this path before I meet the end of this path, but! perspective, so much of our little corner of the galaxy (our city block in the country of the milky way if you will) is wrapped in such wonder that I might never wrap my head around it completely, but I know this… nothing we know of or probably will ever know of in our limited lifetime will ever account for all of “this”, I can only hope my foray into the mental exercise of perspective can help to remind me, every blade of grass, the look in my dog’s eyes, the touch of a loved one, the call of gulls as the surf rolls in and again, the stars carousel in the sky… this is a miracle, this life, always remember that as best you may in any times you may despair, think about the amount of things that had to happen just for you to be here, at this moment, truly an incredible miracle of reality.
If anyone has a good idea on how to remind myself or others (instead of just falling into daily routine)… all suggestions are appreciated! thanks.
music ? damn it, I am going guilty pleasure here, I don’t know why I love this tune so much… it is catchy as hell, I dare ya to tell me otherwise…
Ever have the thought, or the question, if you had the choice, would you rather see the end of the universe … or the beginning ? It is something that rattles around in the attic upstairs from my mouth from time to time, we have a good idea (scientifically) how planets/suns are formed, even our own solar system, and the process is nothing short of miraculous even when explained with theory down to the atom, and this wondering is what inspired this… (and probably more down the proverbial road)
might I have witnessed
the dawning of the sun
that first light of birth
not the first light of man
of the sun’s first brush upon the earth,
the faint slight of life
an idea born in that light
gathered up from prior night
first chapter told
of this, our magnificent tome
I am fascinated by space and in particular the SETI project, so here is some links regarding that for further consumption
notes… I sort of was thinking of the Matrix scene where Neo is “reborn” and also the “fields”… a great metaphor for life, so I imagined that we are all just on this endless plain digging our own graves… because, in a sense, we are, we are all traveling in that way, I am not saying I like it, but it is the truth, which makes me understand suicide more from a rational sense but it is something I could never do… even though honestly, logically the equation is the same… can you really argue that ? the only thing I can champion is maybe just maybe instead of suicide there is creation- of art, of life, of cures of disease, of inspiration of invention, of children… because the human experience tells me.. things are possible, the impossible is possible, death will never be cheated or defeated (everything has an end), but the fight… remember the fight and try to win even when you know you will not. that is the hope of humanity, at least that is what keeps me going, and my hope to inspire. I am just a man but I want to be more. the question is… do you ?
Musical choice ? I will not pull punches.. I think Anna Murphy is the goddamn balls…
A continuation of my Voyager series (1, 2)… and now 3! Of course there is not an actual 3rd mission but I had to number these to avoid confusion among the handful of people actually reading them…and myself honestly. They all have a common thread but different flavor (I hope). Maybe I am like voyager throwing things out into the universe to see what I see… throwing my own golden disc into the vast expanse of the internet perhaps finding an alien I can teach my language… or maybe I just like to write, or somewhere in between the two probably is the domain of the truth, at least for now… and without further adieu…
“voyager 3” 7.2.2018
a faint –
ever traveling further
every moment every second every hour
a thin beam of light suspends dust
through the seam of a midnight door
a whisper slithers down the hall
I strain to hear
I might remember
how I came upon this place
this cold space
a litany of stars
but none are close
none are warm
all are far
notes… I am specifically commenting on Voyager 1 here… It is in interstellar space now (see my original post to learn about all that). So… it takes 17 hours (more now) to receive a message from Voyager 1 so hence the ‘strain to hear’ reference… and the line ‘a thin beam of light suspends dust’ is a specific reference to this photo… Our planet… from the perspective of Voyager after it left the solar system… humbling, to say the very least. This little satellite that could is now in between stars… which illustrates the sheer vastness of space, hence the rest of the poem, maybe some people think I should not explain things or whatever… but these are very specific references I am playing with here that I want the reader to understand… now I am leaving huge gaps in metaphors as well… so this poem has other levels (like personal) but I want people to understand the core of the feeling as it energized me to write the piece(s).
so… some more trippy ambient avant garde stuff ? sure… I got that in spades folks.
notes… the golden disc is of course the records sent out with the voyager probes, ozymandias … well, that is a shot at my friend shelley whom I love as one poet to another but kind of recalls his great poem vs the object of time that it addresses, he did not have the science of now to contemplate so I will give the old boy a pass. I love the last line here… it sums up how arrogant we are because we are NOW… we know so little, we barely pierced the sky just 100+ years ago with the wright brothers.. think about it.
Voyager is of course (well I say that because I am a science geek but I should not assume) the project that launched 2 ships in 1977 that are still out there traveling past our solar system into interstellar space (Voyager 1 is the first man made object to do so, Voyager 2 still has a ways to go to escape the influence of our sun… think about that, we launched something in 1977 that still is under the influence of our sun… and is traveling at over 30,000 mph all the time – nuts!). So I recently watched a documentary about the Voyager mission called “The Farthest”… (I reviewed it here on my Facebook media review page).. it is amazingly inspirational to see what people in the 70’s were able to accomplish (and to see their enthusiasm and reaction to this amazing triumph of humanity)… The computers then compared to now… I mean..wow ! My cell phone has 1000 times the power those little Voyager units do… BUT… they will outlive us all, being in space there is a ton of … (wait for it) …. space! seriously space here seems so cramped (at times) but the space of space (that sounds confusing) is insane compared to what we consider here as the volume of personal space (I am trying to say they won’t have a car accident as astral traffic is very light). So these little voyager units are out there… zooming into the unknown, the vikings, chris columbus, hell… they ain’t got nothing on these little things.. totally inspiring. So hence these poems the next few days…
“voyager 1” 6.15.18
might I walk upon
the surface of the sun
like a god
and look down below
onto the earth
the cradle of life
the dawn of man
and all we know
I spy out into the endless expanse
and spot a messenger
our greeting card
our extended hand
and I utter
as you blaze blindly bravely
into the unknown
your passenger of knowledge
forever into the cosmos
I already posted once about the Seti : pharos album, that is some trippy space stuff… but it applies here, so I am posting it again… I have probably listened to that album 10,000 times, it is one of those things I play when I want to sleep and have dreams… that I am a voyager. Because… maybe the only scrap of humanity that will ever survive is aboard those vessels.. they are time capsules of our civilization…
I actually wrote something about 9/11 today (in my car reciting it to myself until I arrived at work and feverishly scribbled it down)… but it is something I actually want to work on due to the nature of the moment (very not me, I know, you know if you read anything I write that I am usually just in the moment of now)… Every day I drive a certain section of the NJ Turnpike (geez, what an arcane term) and a hill crests where you can see NYC like a postcard (over that abomination of a train station)…. thousands of cars, we all pass this every day vision in the distance, so close you can almost touch it, I wonder how many pause and are struck by inspiration, surely not the A-hole in the Infiniti all over my bumper… I used to have road rage but now I smile more, because where the hell are we all going ? really? plus I have great tunes on my USB stick….
So I posted the above because I am determined to post everything I write for the most part… good or bad, this is not about me showcasing my best stuff.. this is me unloading on the universe that which I am driven to create, and share. I do not claim to understand how this works, if it works… or anything… if I can touch one life I suppose it is all worth it, even if that life is just mine.. maybe I am a fisherman throwing out my line into the ether… for another her… a companion or just friendship… I’m not so sure about anything anymore, the more mistakes you make in life the less you trust yourself, but you are better at hiding it… so much better…