9/11… and those of us who live in the shadow of it.

9/11… and those of us who live in the shadow of it.

by David Koblentz ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I almost think of myself as a 9/11 snob, and not in a good way, I think (feel) that people in the rest of the country do not feel it the same way I do, or people who live in the Tri-State area do (here that is NY, NY, CT).  I am not saying that to be confrontational but more or less how can someone in Kansas (just picking a random state, relax Jayhawks) really understand what 9/11 really means to us…  I drive by ground zero all the time and it hits me without fail, that absence… that missing, the lives, the voices silenced.. it is a constant reminder in lower manhattan, there is a hole there, THAT hole, I know families that lost sons, guys I went to high school with and hung out with (not close friends I do not want to exaggerate)… that very easily could have been me in a heartbeat given subtle life changes, it could have been my brother who was doing work for Verizon almost into that week under the towers, it could have been my cousins who were all city dwellers until that day…

I imagine Oklahoma City residents go through the same thing… they live with the horrible horror of the memory of the bombing… how often do I ever think of OK city ?  never…  I can’t even recall the date, and I won’t google it to pretend, I am writing this right now… so it is all relative.  I imagine the people who live right where the boston marathon bombing remember the day of their bombing…

I am not criticizing or … well, I am totally unsure of what I am doing, I am just writing, who cares what the hell I write anyway, it is what it is… this day, this goddamn day.  I can’t fully explain the feelings even now.  I wrote the following months ago, and I am going to do the obvious thing and post this on 9/11, this day deserves reflection, I get it that everyone doesn’t understand… but this day..I’m … out of words that make sense.

“twins” 7.17.2018

NJ Turnpike drive, my daily commute,

up and over the snake mountain bridge

and there she is –

through the morning hazy glory

new york city skyscape

laid out like a postcard

I can reach out

touch the buildings to which I’ve been

but then, there is –

the missing

 

The Twins.

 

born the same year as mine

stolen from us

voices of the thousands – rise

lost now to memory, into the sky

how soon we forget

how slow we rebuild

we are charged by the gravity of their fall

to remember, the lives

the lives we lost

their silence since

their silence still

the lives, lost in that skyline

that day in september

we promise –

for all time

Remember.

Observations from my porch…

Observations from my porch…

by David Koblentz ♥ 0 Leave a Comment
clouds daylight forest landscape
Photo by katja on Pexels.com

Anyone who has read my blog (thanks by the way) should know by now I endeavor to sit out on my porch and observe the world, I kind of want to do this as an experiment over the course of time so you can track my thoughts along the course of a year, I write “from the porch” often but not every day, but still it should be an interesting experience to see where this goes.  Tonight’s edition is actually something(s) I wrote and totally forgot about.  I am not saying these are all masterpieces, more often they are set pieces to capture the moment… I have so many journals laying around (I try to have one ready wherever I go: my car, my outdoor backpack, work etc etc).. so somehow these entries missed being posted (could be me working 60-70 hours a week…  nah….) but anyway I want to post them and then I will put them in order in the series (because I like order, you may call it OCD… damn you) so anyway without all my verbose droning…

“porch” (series) 6.10.2018

the rise and fall of the cicada’s song

the humidity has lost a bit of its teeth

but is still warm to the touch

a young lone jack rabbit nibbling on my lawn

the distant hum of airliners crossing some miles away

the birds chatter dims in the fading tones of light orange

the cicadas song comes and goes flowing over

the summer night – still there is light

this late hour when winter would be pressing sleep

the summer stays awake with the possibility of day

conquering the night, the impetus of dreams

“senses” (porch series) 6.10.2018

I look out at all I can see

all that is in front of me

for it is nothing

even with a telescope or the mighty hubble itself

deep into the cosmos

we can barely see even past our own front yard

my eyes strain

but I can not see space

my eyes were not designed

not evolved, for this

they are bound to this rock, to this place

this space, this history

the square meters laid out in front of me

I should learn to observe –

with my ears

let my mind develop the photos

imagination and fears

might I taste the air

like a snake

but my eyes, my eyes

want to rule my truth

when in all

all senses I should use

to discover this world

because it will be all I will ever know

(porch) 6.10.2018

the street is almost silent now

the last strength of the sun struggles against slumber

the crescent moon blushes in full glow

composed to lead the stars

all the day sounds

have retreated into beds of calm

I remain as a witness

to this, transition

that has transpired

and will

does the world remember

these cycles

as each day is truly unique

but so many

so many, infinite combinations

may seem the same

but for a moment a finite grain

of singular existence in time.

musical choice of the night ?

humanmshdance – music of the spheres

totally chill… relax and listen to the tones and then the bass kick in… amazing.

Water. does not make sound.

Water. does not make sound.

by David Koblentz ♥ 0 Leave a Comment
creek environment flow landscape
Photo by David Bartus on Pexels.com

The oppressive ire of a humid summer broke in a big way yesterday, the temperature dropped to the point of going from summer shorts to a fall jacket overnight, I can’t say today was one of those miserable gray days you might think of, but it did rain all day, kind of off and on, never to hard never gone, I was going to go out and try to write out on my porch, but it is raining man… so I didn’t, but my mind did start up the writing engine as I was taking out the garbage (ah yes the regal authority of suburban life) and I thought about the rain (and as usual things we take for granted).  I love the way rain sounds, I am one of those people who listens to “white noise” at night to sleep, usually ocean waves (my fave) or rain storms (especially with rolling thunder)… but then a little gnome of realization grabbed my ear and whispered… “rain is silent you fool”, after a little soul searching about listening to a figment of imagination I had to tend to agree…

Rain does not make noise.  Rain is the percussion section of nature’s orchestra.  All the sounds we associate with rain or storms is certainly “not rain”.  Wind ? Thunder? The trees whipping, cars whipping down the street whoosh as they go by, jumping in a puddle splash, the ground rumbling from thunder claps… all not rain.  Rain is the sound of impact.  Think about that, something that only makes sound upon impact… and everything it impacts makes a different sound… but we process that as “rain” but it is surely not.  Rain is a silent lot, as it hits your earlobe, your car hood, your driveway, a thousand leaves, all of these… so remarkably different in all aspects. Rain is not like a voice, a voice is the sound of you, it may have a different impact on the intended target but the sound.. the sound is not impact, the perception is, quite different from rain.  So then…

I thought further, about water, in general… do waves make a sound? or is it their impetus movement against the shore ? Do ice cubes make a rap or is it the impact with your glass? or the crack as they dissipate ? Waterfalls, where is the sound found ?

I guess, remember to look at all things and think, observe how the world really works.

so after my philosophy blathering… “philosophy is the talk on a cereal box, religion is a smile on a dog”

Edie Brickell & NewBohemians – What I Am

one of my all time favorites… enjoy, smile, smile at the world, because a scowl doesn’t help anything.  do I do that all the time ? nah… but I am trying.

Perspective…

Perspective…

by David Koblentz ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I think I would rather much prefer to live among the towers of flowers, given the preference of perspective, thank you very much.

(semi crappy photos from a rest area on the GSP, find beauty wherever you may go – it is there, just look and observe! This time of year there are just these vast fields of wild flowers all over the parkway…I felt I had to grab some pics, I should grab some more because in a blink these little suns will be gone…)

weird trippy music for my weird mood dude (and dudettes)….

Tiamat – The Desolate One

Being someone else.

Being someone else.

by David Koblentz ♥ 3 Comments
grayscale photography of two newborn
Photo by Zaid Abu Taha on Pexels.com

I find my self often thinking about being someone else… I am not talking about the fantasies we all have about being famous or hitting the big home run (or playing a mind melting guitar solo in front of a crowd of floozies looking to hop my bones (ok… a little too much there)). I am literally talking about the mental exercise of looking at an everyday person and trying to gauge what it is to be them, in their skin, their experience, their problems, their sins and joys, I am talking about crawling in there and trying on that skin suit, empathy to the Nth degree, empathy by actually being, sure, it can’t happen but my mind needs crackers to munch on so it doesn’t munch on itself.   It is a strange exercise as sometimes I think it is pointless (we are all dead walking – hope I am wrong on that count but as far as I know now…) but other times it leads to insights you might not have thought of if you didn’t take your mind muscle through the paces, give it a whirl.  This work was my attempt at describing a bit of my thought process as it happened… just sitting in my car during my lunch hour, had to get out of the office to breath in some calm air, listen to some tunes… and words floated in… and controlled my pen…. (plus I picked a baby pic for click bait… c’mon, everyone loves babies.. and puppies… and unicorns, market research tells me so…)

“thoughts, lunch in the car, Hackensack NJ” 4/27/18

a gray day

a friday

threatening rain

forecast in hand

but eyes tell

better than a weather app

the local pockets of rain

on my corner of this map

people walking by, walking on by

I do not know them

but they know the route

as sure footing confident

are they looking at me

wondering the same things

shared experiences with another’s lens

stranger’s mouth and foreign eyes

a divergent skin on frame

tailored to a different size

choice of shoes and shirt

might we switch places

what would I do

where will I go

what would I inherit

what now will I know?

musical choice? I feel like a classic…

Motorhead – Ace of Spades

Fast and dirty rock and roll baby… time for the weekend.. oh wait, I am working (audible sigh), festivities cancelled, damn it.

The Mercy, and the story of Donald Crowhurst…

The Mercy, and the story of Donald Crowhurst…

by David Koblentz ♥ 0 Leave a Comment
man standing on boat
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So, if you are like me (and not a Brit), you may have not heard of Donald Crowhurst, click the link or just take my short version… basically this guy set out to win a prestigious race back in the 60’s to circumnavigate the globe via sailboat without stopping.  We tend to forget that we are not really that far removed from certain things… like black and white TV… only having a few TV channels, the internet (thank the gods) etc etc.  100 years as a capsule is not that much time in the grand scheme of things but in a life it is, but sometimes you have to step back and look at that, take a step out of the stream and test the water, when you are in it – your perception is muddled.  So anyway, to me, the Crowhurst story is fascinating, I really liked the movie “The Mercy” (review here, shameless plug), but the idea is what is endearing, it also seems something that is woven into the psyche of the british isles history (or maybe I am wrong, but it seems that way to me).  So the movie (and story) inspired me… as I have said before my handwriting is hot summer garbage, so… sometimes transcribing said handwriting is, well, frankly a chore as I am unsure of some of the words that I MYSELF wrote, lol… so this was on the shelf for a month-ish or so, until I figured out what the hell I wrote (especially being a longer piece, at least, for me)… and so, here it is:

“the mercy” 7.30.2018

the mercy; dear wife,

leaving you

sailing out on my own

alone into the wide oceans

travel directions

opposite of hope

the look in your eyes

as I depart from the shore

enough to dash all

upon these rocks

like so many ships before

 

my hope, my only hope

lies within the tides

(buoyed by my pride and savvy)

might I circumnavigate

and find my way back to you, once again

my prayers back to you

riding on these fateful trade-winds

 

you would think

the opportunity to discover new lands, new coasts

the fame, the accolades

would entice

but all I ever yearned for

the way to return home

to common shores

and common hands

and, your love

 

a contemplation, of the sin

my concealment

was from myself, my heart

which led – to this,

this joyless voyage

a race with no end

ill equipped for the raging winds

of infernal ocean storms

battered, beaten, torn

stripped of hope and safety

for so long now

all that remains, just to keep afloat

a dreaming memory

drowning, drowning in this swirling madness

losing the voices

voices I can no longer reach, much less hear

 

(some months later, after more of the more)

 

I can not go forward

I can not turn back

I am drifting, I am lost, stuck, spinning

I can not turn around, to where, to end

lost at sea, forever bound in my circles, wound

shall I succumb sweet wife?

shall I sink ?

shall I drown drown drown

simply, drawing me down

the only one left,

the only boat left

the only one

the lonely – one

(may you find my notes, my plight and forgive me

my sweet wife, my children

I can not brace the world and return to you

“it is finished, IT IS THE MERCY”)

notes… this is very story specific in the details so I encourage you to learn more, the last line is the final quote in Crowhurst’s log that they found on the boat just floating by itself…

musical musings…

Mind Funk “Drowning”

this band never got the due they deserve, chill out an listen to it, the bass, the slow build, the rising vocals… crescendo baby, it works… “if you killed the world today …. I wouldn’t miss it” …

Simple of mind

Simple of mind

by David Koblentz ♥ 0 Leave a Comment
aquatic beautiful bloom blooming
Photo by Diego Madrigal on Pexels.com

So of course the unofficial end of summer has come to pass, to be honest for me this is just another week, I do not have a pool to drain (labor day weekend is usually the last day people keep their pools open, in these parts at least), I actually worked yesterday so it was just my normal one day off weekend (that’s not a complaint, that is just how my job rolls (over me)), the traffic didn’t seem totally out of control, in fact I made it to the office on time (a 26 mile drive that can take from one hour to two… yikes, that I will complain about…), anyway, a server blew up around 4:30 and I got stuck working until about 8:30pm this evening, again, it is the job I chose so… (can I still say it sucks sometimes though? ok, it sucked today…) but anyway, here I am at my keyboard, sort of drained from the waterboarding of work today… just looking to post some simpler thoughts, just ideas, maybe not even complete (or my better) works, but that’s ok, you might not notice the difference anyway… besides I liked some of the ideas, this is not a beauty contest, hopefully it is just a glimpse into my mind for understanding, mine or yours, you have the menu, so order something up amigo !

5/31/18

O’ moon

master of the tides

are you yet tired?

As you gently roam

the sky

waxing and waning

rising and falling

living and dying

tied to the tides

but in the sky

alone, roaming.

5/31/18

dissipate

into particles

disappear

out into the cosmos

retain consciousness

spared

spread among the stars

I am the milky way

I am a galaxy

finally

expanding

eternally

“legacy” 6.1.18

when I pass

will these words remain

in a book

on a page

kept alive

for posterity

when I am just

a memory

“broke” 6.1.18

how could I have been so wrong

how could I have been so wrong

not a mantra

not a song

but a dirge

I have destroyed all that’s worth

“place” 6.11.18

you’ve come to a different truth

where our love did not exist

please tell me

is there something I missed

“truth” 6.12.18

I would like

to loan you my truth

so you will know

and in return

please lend me yours

notes… not much to say here, just, I do like the ideas here, perfect? nah.  neither am I, or you, or anything (except Mr. Do, but that’s my opinion…)

music…

Simple Minds – Don’t You (Forget About Me)

hell, I am a child of the 80’s after all, to me this song is like the soundtrack to about 52 movies… nothing is more 80’s than this, and suddenly nostalgia seems to be a thing, but I was there… trust me, most of the music sucked monkey balls, but what was good…. was damn good…

On my porch again…

On my porch again…

by David Koblentz ♥ 0 Leave a Comment
leafless tree on grass field
Photo by Johannes Plenio on Pexels.com

When 6pm rolled around I didn’t think I had any thoughts in me, well, I had thoughts but they seemed to want to crawl back into a comfy bed and curl up with my mypillow and just… not create – nap  but I could not (I was on call today for work.. and in short, it sucked for hours), so then after those facts I had dinner (as I usually do) and sat outside for awhile, just hanging out listening to the summer sounds (decompressing), distant kid voices, the occasional roar of an airliner (I am not too far from Newark airport after all), the din of insects, the chatter of the neighborhood walkers (mostly foreign languages), some dogs barking… I have to say it is cathartic, I recommend taking the appointment time (if you can) and just observe the space around you, especially for creative types, you can develop stories just based on what you see, so after all my blathering what I am trying to say is I did write… whether it is good or not ? meh… not important, I was in the moment, so like it or not, here was my shot…

9.3.2018

the summer seems to have lost some breath, some steam

as if she knows she is in the final stretch,

after just mere hours yesterday as I declared her death

she reared up in full form, regalia, glory,

with mighty vengeance

unleashing a torrent of gripping heat

and concentrated lens,

the type of day that makes waves

in the sight of asphalt,

the type of day barefoot burns,

necks bare red in a seeming instant,

no, this is not convection

she set this all the way to broil,

but here I sit in lovely aftermath

now that the sun has faded down

quickly drains out the wrath.

summer seems she is spent

but she will not go willingly –

as is all things.

“sunlight, because we see you” 9.3.2018

we perceive the sunlight as pulling back

when we are really spinning away, tethered to the land

we perceive the sun as rising up

when we are really hurtling toward, hidden forces,

those who do not believe

in something you can not see

take you for granted

every waking moment

Gravity and Time

they go about being

paying no attention to

us. the dust, the wind, the rain, evolution, airplanes, messaging –

all the same, to them

they were here, before the human show

they will see the epilogue, and a thousand more,

I wonder if there are forces out there

that they yet fear ?

music.. hmm, I love to post my damn opinionated musical selections 🙂

Eric Johnson – Stratagem

EJ…  I don’t know what to say, either you get him or don’t, too me he plays with “joy”, it is so apparent, just.. go see him in person, you will thank me, no ego, no hubris, the guy is just the baddest ass player but plays with joy, hard to explain, even with my damn vocabulary.

More thoughts from my porch…

More thoughts from my porch…

by David Koblentz ♥ 0 Leave a Comment
garden sunset sunrise lens flare
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I finally made a page for this “series” or whatever it may be, my attempt at just creating my art as it is on the fly, on spot, on my porch. But here is what I wrote tonight (well, last night since I am schedule posting this for the morning , remember I will never tell you something is new if I post it if it is not, I will always post my dates of writing same, that is just me because I am really trying to post me, or at least the best approximation thereof), when I post older stuff, you will know, does it matter in the long run ? probably not, but I am me and I will be Mr. Me all the damn time.

9.2.2018 “from the porch” (series)

so here I am once again

the hour is late august

no, early september

(although they speak a version of the same language)

ambitious leaves

are now beginning to fall

either precocious –

or tired of the season summer

and her beating heat,

I find myself staring

at the leaves of my japanese maple

knowing, but yet wondering

if they are even alive

in this still non breeze

this quiet of not quite night

I don’t even see any tremble,

trees barely seem alive

unless they are pushed and persuaded

their growth, seems to happen

in a different time

quit different, than the flow of mine,

hard to comprehend, understand

or wrap around my head, my mind,

I try to think of some clever metaphor

for trees,

my roots welling up, bolstering the pillar, of my trunk

branching out

the leaves, how ever do they fulfill

the sun, driving the hunger

burning the oil of chlorophyll,

but I wonder, what are my leaves?

obviously I am the core, the tree itself

trunk and branch

always there, in all seasons, even winter bare,

so what are my leaves?

are they feelings? people?

but what in my life do I have all

and then – none more,

so I suppose this is a failed metaphor,

failure, we’ve all worn the shawl

failure, even in words sounds so dire

but yet, should be as natural as the breathing air,

all the many species

that have come to past

and those that survived

not by a straight line

with a dollop of luck

or just a plain old long shot,

so flip failure on heads

on tails

you might just find

hope, even on summer’s end.

“on the eve of labor day” (porch series) 9.2.2018

I witness the world sleep walking

even the clouds seem crawling across skyward dreams

only one cricket seems to care with lonely declare

the once raging blaze of the fireflies in peak – is dying out

only a few embers remain here and about

the temperature has not yet quite broken

but soon enough will

yet in a way I still mourn

yet knowing you will return once more

but for me, this means one less,

a few leaves have already leapt to begin their slumber

once high above, now they are grounded

and I know it is more than mere gravity –

Newton my friend

who can think of the “g” word

without picturing an apple striking your head,

just a month ago

a rumor of snow would smack absurd

but now –

an inevitable sound

the rusty old plows

scraping down the street,

huddled inside

as our hemisphere

tilts from the sun

good bye my summer

may I be here for your return.

Dobbs Ferry, NY

Dobbs Ferry, NY

by David Koblentz ♥ 0 Leave a Comment
two person riding boat on body of water
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since my “rebirth” or “awakening” (or just realization to get my ass going) I am trying to look and observe to “find beauty wherever it may be“… beauty in nature, a flower, a bee hopping from one lily bloom to another, a child with their mother, a father teaching his child to ride a bike… but also in knowledge, there is beauty in knowledge learned and forgotten – even common knowledge that lies just beneath your surface eyes, like the very name of a place, how often do you think about the names of towns where you putter about in your little fishbowl of life, our turf, our own streets and yet the historical grounds of “why” in a name might escape the mundane every day, so, that is why Dobbs Ferry sang out to me and caused these words and subsequent thoughts.  So, you might be asking why Dobbs Ferry David ?  Certainly that seems like a prudent question from you.  I had work call me there this saturday, not the first time I have been and actually I have family in the town (hello Lottermans!), but it dawned on me how this little section of the Hudson is probably little known in the rest of the country (or world for that matter),  the first little tidbit that stuck in my craw was the actual name “ferry”, how soon we forget in this modern age modes of transport of the old days, but a ferry was rather important, so you had a dude named “Dobbs” who literally ran a ferry, and the the name just becomes common happenstance lost to the plowing of time across generations, but back to this area of NY, it is not very far from the city proper, but you might as well be on another world, a quaint little town on the river with stunning views, even in the colder months, just seemingly a forgotten stretch even for people who live just across the river (ahem, here in my mighty garden state).. so check out Dobbs Ferry  (there is a lot of history there – including revolutionary war stuff), I also get to visit Hastings-On-The-Hudson (the coolest looking fire department I have seen!) and Cold Spring (dutchess county wine tours people!)… and one of my favorite things up there is the Bear Mountain Bridge but I do not want to get too distracted from my original post (as I might be known to do).

a water themed musical thing…

Voivod – The Prow