So… work shuffles me about the tri-state area (NY NJ CT, as always, sorry PA – you are your own thing), last week my life’s time was spent mostly in this little town, among the “Rivertowns” (for some reason I had not heard this term previously although I certainly had visited these towns), Hastings is much like the other enclaves up there (you say ‘up there’ because you feel quite removed from the seething behemoth that is NYC just a quick jaunt south). Right off the Saw Mill you are presented with a laid out, quite almost Revolutionary American style, Main Street dripping down the hills because it is all hills that eventually pour into the basin of the Hudson river. As the pictures show this all becomes normal – even the huge massive fall in elevation behind the buildings that veritably smile along the main. Unfortunately I was there for work and not play, although I am glad to have had a lay of the land for future use. There definitely was a buzz about, a gladness to being hung in the air, a protected little section of the world which likes to jump up and take a big bite of the apple to then run into the comforting corner to enjoy said bite. I am sure there is plenty of history in this area, but you have google, I am just passing on my experience in the matter.
and they come in pairs…

(this is related to my previous post, quite by accident, or circumstance, or the whimsy of the muse) Oddly enough, as I woke this morning (better than the alternative), when I walked outside to observe my ‘get in the car go to work ritual’, there was a mad amount of noise afoot… crows, in trees on both sides of my street, so this wrote itself (I suppose I can take credit, the pen was in my hand, but sometimes it feels I am just a cosmic means to an end…)
a gathering of crows
in twin mirror treetops
bookend my block
angular shadows
pasted up against naked limbs
screaming, toasting, celebrating
I think of an irish wake
and then on a wink, on a wing
unison, sync, they fly away
on to the next barker’s perch
traffic can (really) breed inspiration…

This Wednesday was one of those ultra blue sky days that almost makes you forget about the cold (almost), hard to erase the visual impact of the season with all the trees with no leaves (well, besides those damn taunting pines and evergreens), stuck in the mud of the mind numbing vortex of traffic known as the NJ Turnpike, watching those more impatient than I dart in and out of the lanes like mad little minnows in the shallows looking for a perfect spot in a lake of no destination, only to advance a few mere feet… (and I admit to a ‘little’ pleasure as I pass them staying in my lane and my ‘subtle’ dismay (grrrrr) when they pass me driving like kamikazes), but anyway I have learned to (ok, mostly) calm my mind among this grind to think of higher things, observe nature even when corralled by this asphalt and steel shackle laid out before me, and so I wrote this in observation (in of course my horrendous handwriting which I had to decipher tonight for this post…)
a formation of crows
an arrow, greater than, forward
framed, in a cobalt sky, winter
underneath
human congestion coagulates
jealousy, flies away, east
Pilot in a man suit…

SO here I am driving, pondering, I notice something, a strange sensation invades my thoughts
I feel like I am a pilot in a man suit
all these years spent in this body, this sensation seems like an out of body experience, although I have surely never left this vessel, this feels distinctly like I am a passenger or more rightly a conductor, I can perceive the nerve clusters bundled up behind the orbs of my eyes inside the casing of my skull (the construct), these fleshy globes floating in holes, they filter everything I experience while they are engaged in their designed job, I am well aware of how they actually combine images into one, great software I think, even without the upgrade of my glasses, this is the being behind the console, my soul or collection of electronic happenings all in orchestration, might I have the hang of operating this machine by now in all the subtleties of the controls, knobs, buttons, the vast array of senses to touch this outer world beyond the reach of this inner dimension…
as always I am drawn to the impossible moment that is the now, how all the things in the vast everything of existence had to line up in just such a way for me to be here in this very moment, and write this, and you as well, to read this, fellow traveler, all the culmination of randomness (or perhaps purpose, I do not know) in the sheer existence of all time and verses (uni and other), just even the question of how life arrived here on earth (or sprang from boiling pools of goo, not so elegant perhaps), maybe we are the seed dna of aliens piggy backed on a meteor, or comet, or some other celestial traveler, ancient astronaut theorists say ‘YES’, well, if you are familiar with that show, they always say yes, I don’t think I have ever heard them say no, I find the matter fascinating although the actual proof of the matter is lacking, but either way, whether we slithered up out of a pile of muck or hitched a ride on some alien rock – we are here, almost belying the sheer cruel randomness of even just our tiny slice of the milky way, so very surreal, I truly hope I am just a pilot in this biomachine, and one day may I find another vessel to continue this improbable journey but just in case I should quite cherish this one, and perhaps pen a travel log of my experience for others to enjoy should they happen upon this little story of me…
Thoughts from the porch…
(an ongoing series, kind of like a picture a week but of my thoughts when I step outside and take the world in, stream of my consciousness I suppose, so I invite you to check it out)

Taking out the garbage, a sunday ritual with no holiday pending extending the weekend, a ritual, a comfort just as much as ordering out from the local, quite average, chinese restaurant, well, it is local, this day (well early night to be exact) does not seem to know what to make of itself, a cool breeze but not a cold one, no ice in sight to pronounce the season, i’m in no rush to rush back indoors, I stop to pause, to observe the world in it’s natural orderly.
I can almost taste the faint of hope in the air, or maybe it is just the slight relent of the choke-hold of cold that has settled into common trend these past months, the tides of spring are surely rising, somewhere out there, past the horizon, but yet, I am quite sure winter has not shed all of her teeth.
there is a great deal more sound out on the town tonight, to my left the semi-distant whizzing din of a busy road, up and to the left the low rumble roar of a jumbo-liner on to a destination, more immediately left (two houses down across the street) children squabbling getting into the car after a night at their grandparent’s house, “stop it L-a-c-e-y!!” pierces the block, me, dumping my recyclables into the recycle bin with a clangy avalanche of metal and glass, my neighbor’s dog Cookie barking at every little thing (I wonder how old she is now?), such a contemplative difference a little slice of time makes, we might just get of this thing alive, I think…
and I would be remiss if I did not say thanks to anyone who reads this, I appreciate all comments and thoughts, I can only process my own after all, how it affects others is a different animal, that I would like to wrestle some understanding from. (oh, and that last line is a doors thing, I am not going to link to it, to easy)
a quick thought…

what roots can do to a sidewalk
insidious thoughts can do to a man
that’s all, I was walking the dog (OK she walks herself, ah the joy of a 10 year old black lab), and I noticed the bends and bowed concrete sidewalk trailing off to my neighbor’s domain.
Dash…

sometimes nature does the work for me (she’s good like that)
like a swarm of pine
there is the science of ice
look at my windshield
Sometimes I like Haiku, this would be one of those times, the Japanese have a knack for, well, some straight up weirdness, but also for being a crucible when it comes to poetic form.
MAME game of the moment : Strider, yeah I am a retro gamer geek full on, with a tankstick, hey, I work hard, I need to decompress sometimes without the nature bug, the snug feel of an old game, a time machine, that brings me back to my youth, which I still feel young but surely am not, in relation to those times, we can only relate to what we have done, experience is a very personal thing.
music ? sticking to the retro game thing… here is some Bit Brigade, they rock out to old nintendo game music (which I grew up with), they play the background music that would be on as someone plays the actual game… I know, super nerdy, but that’s me (vid games AND guitars ? hello?) !
and time catches you

“vapor”
I step naked from the shower
stop to fill the Davinci pose
I am not a perfect body
far from, far flung
and what do you see
in this earthly form
do you really see me ?
I wonder
I am confused by the look in your eyes
do I transmit, do you receive
are we talking
communicating
in the same language, our common tongues,
beyond this flesh
are we not inside each other, anymore?
I pause,
and I get dressed-
you’ve left.
notes: wrote this back on 8/22 and revised it today, time has a way of moving, it seems obvious of course, but as you age you realize the ninja aspect of time, time sneaks up on you, you blink and can’t believe where you are in this now (and how much has passed, I can almost divide my life into different lives), of course time is just time, it does what it does regardless of what our personal self importance wants to bend it too, time is always a constant even if our perception of same is more like a roller coaster rising and falling, peaks and valleys, maybe I need an internal tick-tock to hear, as a reminder, every moment is a moment closer to my end whether I like it or not… that immediacy should be coursing through my veins, but it is not, I have become comfortable, and I should not be…. perhaps it is evolution for us to seek safety, I am trying to fight my own nature…
music… a beautiful acoustic piece that I truly love… to the point…
this is simple, and amazing…
truth, an essay about the nature of it

truth is like a box of chocolates, ummm… nah, that one sounds a bit too familiar for some reason so I will forgo it, thinking about it, truth is more like a perfectly formed square clear plexiglass box, a novel little thing that you can hold in your hands (just big enough to trigger a two hand response but you could hold it in one hand if you endeavored to do so), you can not inherently change it (no matter what you do), however, you can choose to do many things to suit it to you… to hide it behind your back, or take pictures of it for disbursement, make copies and call it the “real thing“, the truth remains however, you may even hold it at a certain angle so only part is visible, or at a different vector to show off one aspect of this cute little plastic box, but the truth – has not changed, you may lash it to a pole and smash someone in the head with it, maybe you hide it somewhere knowing someone will find it later, perhaps it is up on a ledge just out of reach, or just around the next corner, maybe you do not even know what it looks like, on a map X marks the spot, or left alone in the yard, half grown over with ivy, bury it for one thousand years in sand, paste glue popsicle sticks all over, hand print paint turkeys on the side…
but it remains, a simple box, square sides of even dimension, clear plexiglass from all sides when revealed, the truth.
“truth is what holds our feet to the very ground (whether we like it or not).” – me
“truth will ultimately prevail where there is pains to bring it to light” – GWash (some guy who founded America)
“Truth will always be truth, regardless of lack of understanding, disbelief or ignorance.” W. Clemrock
“Truth is ever to be found in simplicity, and not in the multiplicity and confusion of things.” I (the original apple) Newton
So.. what do you think about the truth … ?
about faith…

maelstrom
the divine path
might I lead,
divine wrath
I might reap,
the divine spark
to light me through
this fierce storm in the wake
in the pursuit of the only grace
I surely fail
as humans break
as does my will
at times will fail
for all that drains my strength
to find the well that springs again
my faith
notes (this piece was written 1/21, comments today)… faith is not a particularly religious thing for me, we all believe in something, even if that is ‘nothing’ in the case of atheists, I am perfectly fine with both sides, why? I came to a calm in my mind some years ago, I know I do not have all the answers, am I more confident than some in my beliefs ? sure (I am trying to lose that). but I acknowledge the effect of ego and my experience on that belief. My belief does not bring me total comfort per-se as I am in limbo but yet there is some respite there in capitulation to the fact that I do not have the answers, how arrogant it would be for me to look down on those who have found theirs, god could be a goat named bob in wisconsin for all I know, and for all I know I will only be here a blink, so, I should not waste my time judging those that have found peace, so bless you all in whatever form that takes, me, it is just the universe, being alive, being in nature, but I am glad the human brain has the capacity to make movies for all movie goers (I just wish the floor wasn’t so sticky).
music> ? Yeah, I am all about that! here is some acoustic goodness, how this song never became big is beyond me… (of course Summerland (this is a fan cover, with passion) is my favorite song of all time)
this is the secondary singer of the band, they all can sing lead, Ty Tabor has a very beatles tone (he is a huge fan of them)