notes… technically I wrote this on my porch but it was different from those musings… this is my blog so, I do what I want, If you dig it, I am grateful, if not there is plenty of other grapefruit to ponder.
music... COM TRUISE… that’s all, retro electronica, sounds 80s but yet somehow modern-ish… NJ guy as well so I am partial to that…
the clouds seem to want to have a conversation tonight, I am not sure what about, they seem quite still, shadows painted flat against the blue, not a blue recognizable as a hue you would associate with day, a blue looking over a ledge right before it fades into black, but still perceptibly blue even at almost nine at night, a commercial flight blinking as it moves across the main face, pulsing in and out, passing in and out, just as a car passes by, symmetry in random things, a sign? or just reading the page nature has laid out in front of me…
“I’ll surely miss this one day”
so, I must, with my best intent soak it all in, but then, for a moment I notice the yellow jacket lady has a hitch in her walking steps, and that little detail manages to spirit my attention away, until the subtle shfff shfff scrape shfff shfff scrape fades, no matter how much we stop and look at the world in frame, the world is content to whirl around us never stopping, an unpredictable machine with infinite parts, we announce to the universe that we know the ticks, the gears, the hands, but we are still landlocked on this one planetary earth, as sophisticated as we are… string theory, dark matter, chaos theory, astrophysics, a holographic universe, the multiverse, buckyball (I just wanted to throw that in there because of the name), the god particle (higss boson), all fascinating areas to stretch our limited knowledge wider (and I revel in immersing in all these things as possibility is imagination, dreams into reality essentially), but there is also equal satisfaction in staring at the variance of leaves on a simple single tree, as I am doing now, there is enchantment in looking at what we might ignore in the very daily day but it is it’s own complex network of molecules and matter in a nearly infinite scale, I can get lost in the peaks and valleys in just a tree I planted some years ago with these hands, fascination, watching the subtle twitches from insects or a breeze, mesmerizing, I find myself lost in the moment for a moment or some, another plane breaks through, a train calls out in the distance, as the clouds are fading back into the darkening sky, I forgot by now, what was I going to ask them, what were they going to say ?
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notes… (this is part of my porch project).. I was going to post something else tonight but then I sat outside and as I always say “this wrote itself”, because that is the way the muse works through me, I don’t know if this piece conveys the feeling of peace I felt, if not, well, it was…peaceful, I highly recommend finding a quiet space from the rat race of daily life daily if you can, stripped away of these electronic things (which I equally love to be fair), but just sit there and take it all in, look for details you might have missed…
Excellent (amazing) ambient space music… maybe I should post these links before my posts as music to read the post by? I am writing this listening to this… I imagine traveling as light through space…
“The universe saw fit for you to be alive in this exact moment of all space and all time, although you may never fully comprehend this existence or reason for being, fiercely embrace the truth that you have happened, for that is utterly undeniable.”
From time to time these hit me, not the first time, so of course my watch has ended, I won’t go all Aaron Rodgers on you here, I have a media review page for that (if you care to see my opinion about such things), but this blog is about my creative work and working to be a better person (not necessarily in that order or ever clear), this falls more in the creative work category because certainly a TV show is not reality but isn’t all art some reflection of reality? including TV… well, except those reality TV shows… damn I hate those, anyway… here is a little ditty…
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for Winter has truly come all along the smoldering ruins past the walls of King’s Landing covered now but not by snow but by the souls of those once living, a pride of lions proved no match for the wrath of a phoenix writhing forever to unmask the absolution of power’s binding, two once bright suns did crash one if by brick, one if by steel and within their lover’s arms reveal love can exceed even that of death and break the bonds of reasoned men
of course I have to end with this…. and all re-posts, likes, snowballs, spitballs and all sorts of diatribes.. are welcome, if you spent time reading this, thanks, I’ll never know it but perhaps screaming in the wind catches a few ears.
ck, no, not su, or fu, ‘c.k’. meaning Courtesy and Kindness… I am not going to go on with some long harangue (excellent word btw) about how there is less of these attributes populating the world today, because:
a) how would I know b) what’s the point anyway?
So (genesis of this), I was driving down the Parkway Sunday to spend the day in a lovely park (Big Brook) and the Parkway is already showing signs of “shore traffic“, that is the typical backup of the South direction in the morning, North in the evening, something you get quite used to being a New Jersey resident, there is an absolute mad dash down the roadway on every weekend starting, well, yesterday I suppose (it is not totally scientific, forgive my dalliance), so I had to deal with this super heavy merge, I try to be judicious with my driving (I am a big believer in alternate merging, I seriously don’t understand those who actively block you, I mean, you are gaining a car length buddy or two at best – wow for you, you won the internet…), so a gentleman (well, I’m not 100% sure really) let me in and I meant to do the courtesy wave, instead, for some reason unbeknownst to me even though I was the one producing the physical gesture, I kind of did a half point up instead of the approved wave form, and I did not see a reply in my rear view, so I hoped that my message was not ill-received, it made me think of a few things, one being the state of courtesy and kindness and my role in that, which is what I started rambling about here…
is there a point to actually doing these sort of things? I won’t make a difference even if I do these things.
Logically it is hard to argue against the above summation. However, I postulate to you (the one reading this) that it is better to strive for better even though we will certainly fall short (especially if you jump off a curb, joke). but more aptly…
“In the face of imminent death I would rather go with a smile than a scowl.”
Maybe this is simplistic, obvious, childlike, stupid, corny (insert your adjective of choice here)… Sure, I get it, but what is the alternative? And is that better off for all those involved (ahem, humanity) in the long run? This brings me to the intention of intent. Deep down we know what we are engaged in when we do it, but does someone else ever do (or do we assume)? Instincts are great but perhaps a pause in mind before an action, or an extra mental step to look down the line would better serve the end. Good intentions do not always have the expected result so use them with care, and like any other tool hone your skill as you grow. Why do people not think practice matters when it comes to courtesy and kindness. I posit that it is like any other thing we choose to do. The first time you stumble or perhaps screw the pooch entirely…. but given time you screw up less, that is the hope at best. Good intentions blended with proper preperation.
I don’t say all this to be preachy or pretend for even a barren nano-second that I embrace these ideals every minute of every day, in fact the fact that I have to expound these thoughts this way may mean they are not my natural inclination, perhaps true, however, I am choosing to look at that impossibly impassable mountain before me and climb anyway, surely, many days I wake and will not have the energy or verve to tackle the task…
but keep my eyes forward focused on the path
And somewhere along this blog road, perhaps, I can drag a few souls in a positive direction, at least, I think and that is my wish, with all of this.
might I keep these words alive
as with a beacon’s light
that faith may guide my mind
and god will temper my hand
(…and with that, good night my friends, exit stage dave)
3/5/3 form considered “modern” for whatever that is worth…
exhaust fumes I am stuck behind concrete truck
a small child on a bicycle of his size
Photo by David Besh on Pexels.com
as I look toward the flower moon my heart yearns for that which I know that which can not last hope and logic are not bedfellows and I have a choice with whom to lie so I beseech you, flower moon to hear my plea grant me rights as I will you the portent to fulfill bring blooms to night under pale reflected light you hold all my eye and wash away make me pure again make me whole again for winter has lingered far long within this soul o’ flower moon
I was pondering what my limits are when it comes to happiness, is there a well, a reservoir, a certain limit to my good nature and how exactly does that work? I thought about how some days my fuse is quite short but others not so much, do we possess…
a quotient of happiness ?
I quite imagine it is like a little jar, with some iridescent red fluid, stocked with a various amount any given day (maybe I grew up playing too many RPGs, fair point), regardless, this is what I visualize in my mind, what a grand thing it would be to know how much happiness I had in stock for the day before I stumbled out on the world, I might mete it out better or more copiously (depending – supply/demand happiness economics 101), this visceral representation in the mind might lend to a more balanced me, after all, especially on Mondays, I certainly could use an IV of good tidings to start the week, but how might I fill this heart container once drained? what if I set out to dream of happiness as I lay down at night? and how might I accomplish such a thing? counting smiling sheep perhaps? having Ed McMahon confirm that I may have already won 10 million dollars? a tropical island? a date with Drew Barrymore? maybe none of those things, maybe the key is just thinking about the subject at all, power through consideration, a mental reminder to recharge the resource for the good of all, I think I will give it a whirl, what’s the harm, although a smile to the next passing car does not seem to return the same… I’ll smile anyway.
apparently I am not the only one to ponder this particular conundrum, as a simple web search brought up the following…
if I only knew what I was getting into! seven steps… and here I thought I was all clever mcDavey with my little flask analogy like Legend of Zelda… hmmph. oh well, whatever the case may be, be happy.
So here I sit, halfway through May, 70! seventy seems like such a magical number, a threshold, perhaps mental or winter weary, just 24 mere hours ago I thought about penning the misery of a cold “unforgiving” rain, one that seemed keen to rob me of my day off, I can almost taste them now, in spring, days off, the promise of all the things I love to do outdoors crushed by the cruel scheduling of Mother Nature, but at least, for this moment, I can bask in this, especially after the tides of rain of late, my lawn certainly looks greener than I recall, my Japanese maple is invading the walking path to my door, taunting me to dust off my trimmer, my various bamboo plots are literally jumping out of the ground (not always where planned), the smell of a fresh cut lawn hits me, my neighbor has one of those do-it-all riding mowers and pretty much does my whole yard without a word, who am I to contest? our interactions at best are usually just the nod as I drive past in the morning to work, he’s a good guy, a family man, two kids, he and his wife have the same first name, some sort of cultural thing, “han”, I refer to them as Han Duo, and they get the joke, he invites me to his pool sometimes, I usually decline, at least, I have in the past, I see two asian indian girls walking up the street, I have seen them before, I always wonder about people’s stories, one of them is usually wearing some Rutgers schwag, I don’t know much more than that, or what house they are from, I used to know everyone up and down, but things are different now, or so I am told or so I experience, the day moon stands prominent just above the clouds, shaded in the same color of blue somehow, I’m sure there is some scientific explanation, but I’ll just take awe and contemplation as sustenance for now, maybe this is a perfect segment of time
no perceptible wind, seventy degrees, the sun is nearly down and certainly no longer in my sights, insects are not yet quite in season (although there are a few outliers but certainly not sipping mosquitoes), I try and listen to the stillness of it all and wish to internalize the sum, capture it, stow it away for future use, rare are the days that allergies do not cripple my olfactory line, this is one of those times, where I can feel the expression of all my senses full, I do not bemoan my condition, it is a mere penance compared to many before and gone, and even, perhaps, a too familiar friend all these years, my iris are in full bloom which most likely is a sure sign my daffodils are quite gone, I do not have the will to go look at the scene of the natural crime, why kill the mood? even the uneven sound of clamoring garbage bins being dragged out to the curb does not top the bird call competition, common birds but still a remarkable collection, and there is quite the mic battle, but, they seem almost like children trying to get the last word in, before the night, in between light
perhaps that is a better way to think of the dark.
Groovy, hypnotic bass line, kind of like Doors meets the Beatles.
(this is part of my porch series… an ongoing exploration of the same thing at different times but with the same mind, this one, all thoughts, comments, questions and likes are all appreciated, thanks.)
“guardian“ am I an observer in your hall a light embedded in the wall a light post to light your way around the corners to banish shadows so you might step confidently forward and around vigilant in my stay my light always upon you from my place of servitude unnoticed, I bow to you if only to light your way forward for you may be on your way in safe good light my light underfoot
notes… this can be taken a few ways, literal (as a light), a guardian angel, or also someone who works in the background for the betterment of someone else. How you take it is your decision but I wanted to articulate all it meant to me when I wrote it today, in a fever dream, ok, when I was chilling out and listening to the classical station on my TV…
music… maybe my post makes more sense that I was listening to this… (and usually I hate operas)
pasture and lawn reprieve: for now I see verdant swaths risen up from fallow flocks the world has turned to bloom life rides forward toward inevitable doom casting seeds upon the whim land and cone over the ground within carry on, to catch the sun oh dear mother, carry on
notes… written in my car 5/4 (yeah Star Wars day ya geeks…), rewritten tonight (I did make changes), here is the original as written (I want to be honest and show my true process):
pasture and lawn reprieve: for now I see verdant swaths risen up from fallow flocks the world has turned to bloom and life roars forward against that inevitable doom casting seeds upon the whim land and cone over the ground within carry on, to catch the sun oh dear mother, carry on
so the thrust of the poem is the same but I like my changes, it more reflects what I wanted to convey.
Shades of My Garden 