the “c.k.” conundrum and the curious intention of intent…

the “c.k.” conundrum and the curious intention of intent…

aromatherapy bamboo basket candlelight
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ck, no, not su, or fu, ‘c.k’. meaning Courtesy and Kindness… I am not going to go on with some long harangue (excellent word btw) about how there is less of these attributes populating the world today, because:

a) how would I know
b) what’s the point anyway?

So (genesis of this), I was driving down the Parkway Sunday to spend the day in a lovely park (Big Brook) and the Parkway is already showing signs of “shore traffic“, that is the typical backup of the South direction in the morning, North in the evening, something you get quite used to being a New Jersey resident, there is an absolute mad dash down the roadway on every weekend starting, well, yesterday I suppose (it is not totally scientific, forgive my dalliance), so I had to deal with this super heavy merge, I try to be judicious with my driving (I am a big believer in alternate merging, I seriously don’t understand those who actively block you, I mean, you are gaining a car length buddy or two at best – wow for you, you won the internet…), so a gentleman (well, I’m not 100% sure really) let me in and I meant to do the courtesy wave, instead, for some reason unbeknownst to me even though I was the one producing the physical gesture, I kind of did a half point up instead of the approved wave form, and I did not see a reply in my rear view, so I hoped that my message was not ill-received, it made me think of a few things, one being the state of courtesy and kindness and my role in that, which is what I started rambling about here…

is there a point to actually doing these sort of things?
I won’t make a difference even if I do these things.

Logically it is hard to argue against the above summation. However, I postulate to you (the one reading this) that it is better to strive for better even though we will certainly fall short (especially if you jump off a curb, joke). but more aptly…

“In the face of imminent death I would rather go with a smile than a scowl.”

Maybe this is simplistic, obvious, childlike, stupid, corny (insert your adjective of choice here)… Sure, I get it, but what is the alternative? And is that better off for all those involved (ahem, humanity) in the long run? This brings me to the intention of intent. Deep down we know what we are engaged in when we do it, but does someone else ever do (or do we assume)? Instincts are great but perhaps a pause in mind before an action, or an extra mental step to look down the line would better serve the end. Good intentions do not always have the expected result so use them with care, and like any other tool hone your skill as you grow. Why do people not think practice matters when it comes to courtesy and kindness.  I posit that it is like any other thing we choose to do.  The first time you stumble or perhaps screw the pooch entirely…. but given time you screw up less, that is the hope at best. Good intentions blended with proper preperation.

I don’t say all this to be preachy or pretend for even a barren nano-second that I embrace these ideals every minute of every day, in fact the fact that I have to expound these thoughts this way may mean they are not my natural inclination, perhaps true, however, I am choosing to look at that impossibly impassable mountain before me and climb anyway, surely, many days I wake and will not have the energy or verve to tackle the task…

but keep my eyes forward focused on the path

And somewhere along this blog road, perhaps, I can drag a few souls in a positive direction, at least, I think and that is my wish, with all of this.

might I keep these words alive
as with a beacon’s light
that faith may guide my mind
and god will temper my hand

(…and with that, good night my friends, exit stage dave)

people silhouette during sunset
Photo by Min An on


Music to read by… Fine Art of Friendship (King’s X)

What has happened to the courtesy wave?

What has happened to the courtesy wave?

car driving keys repair
Photo by Negative Space on

Driving a ton, as I do, I commute all over the tri-state area on a weekly basis, I try to be a good (courteous) driver, admittedly I will purposely speed up to block a jerk, sorry, can’t help myself, but mostly I am a good egg, which leads me to this post, to me, as I was raised (or taught I suppose), when someone let’s you in a lane you are pining for in sheer desperation or in an utter sweaty panic (because the other driver surely does not have to defer), you give them the old ‘courtesy wave‘, a simple hand gesture that universally expresses your thanks to the driver now behind that you appreciate the act of kind, certainly this has become a much endangered animal compared to it’s little (but wildly popular) brother, the one finger salute, and I do not want to confuse this with the infuriating ‘hand out the window / flag you down sort of’ gesture, no, I hate that one, the driver lowers down the window and starts to direct you like they are pharaoh and you are building the pyramids, nope, no thank you, take that garbage back to whatever primitive culture you came from, I am talking about genuine courtesy, of course there is this, but …. I just can’t wrap my head around it, a little courtesy, sheesh, why is it so difficult ?