A rare saturday off for me, I must admit I slept in (I love laying in bed listening to binaural beats as nature rages outside whipping across the bamboo I planted making such a specific sound), I am a big believer in recharging batteries of the self, especially since I work 6 days a week and more than 9 hours a day usually, what sucks is friday peeked @ 70 degrees but today? not so much… barely 40’s, what a tease, but it was warm enough this afternoon to sit outside, let the dog roll around in the yard (man she hates to be clean), and sit and just let the breeze wash over me, let the sun warm me enough to be out there, watch the birds, try to sound locate the calls of the familiar ones, and for once I just did voice memos into my phone, so here they are….
“those pure of heart but grave of experience are doomed to make mistakes”
“tangled wind chimes only sound in the strongest winds”
“the songbirds call against the coming of the night for soon they will be silent”
notes… like my last post these are haiku to me, at least in spirit, I clearly have no control of the muse, she comes to me in all forms, I admit I have fear I will lose the talent to write, there are times I think what the hell will I write next? and some panic there, but the muse, so far has been fair and keeps delivering the mail to this address.
notes… written tonight while I was watching the punisher on my exercise bike, yeah, inspiration works like that, I say ‘not haiku’ because this is clearly not in the strictest form, but if you are really into the form it has a feel about it, to me, this has the feel, of course you are the judge, jury and likes-a-cuitioner of that.
point one, I was enjoying a rather common evening picking up a few items at the local supermarket (Wegmans, and I love the damn place), so being that I had just over 7 items and less than 15 I was relegated to the 15 or less lane (seems obvious), I generally pride myself in keeping my cool and apparently I was about to be put through the gauntlet of said pride, as luck, fate, or damn circumstance would have it, the gentleman (and I am stretching the word here) in front of me had way more than the appointed 15 items, that in itself is enough for a force-able slap across the face, but I showed restraint, point two, the cashier did not admonish this monster of the shop-way in any way shape or form, I train cashiers, or well used to at work and I always made that a point of emphasis, are these people actively f’ng with me ? (I think to myself, where is kutcher? but that show is long gone, bad reference on my part) So I relegate to swallow my growing, throbbing rage and think of better days, “hey, what is the outcome here if I confront this unspeakable evil?”, so I regress to pretend interest in the candies and periodicals lining the grocery runway toward the cashier, all the while trying to hide my side stink eye at the thorn sticking so sorely in my side, THREE! the cashier moved at a glacial pace, and also did not know her produce codes, inside baseball here THE CODES ARE ON THE STICKERS!!!! ARRRGHGGGHGGH!!! I am surprised I am not vibrating out of my shoes at this point, but I tap myself on the shoulder (figuratively now, otherwise that would be weird), and I pause and decide against any action as any outcome will not be just worth it, I just need to hold on and let the storm pass, FOUR… finally, I mean finally, the order is scanned and bagged, but is my ordeal done? oh nelly no no, not a chance in this hell I was getting out that easy, not only did gentleman “x” bring a party to the one person line he decides to finalize the transaction in slow order, FIVE… shopper loyalty card, does he have a swipe-able one ? nah… are you kidding? he pulls out a key ring that would make Tolkien drool, with a key fob for every store to perhaps inhabit a 100 mile radius of this place for the past three decades (or more), so one by one like the dewey decimal hell of my youth he goes through them, would it be in the first 20 flop ? of course not… I think I am out of my body at this point looking down upon the scene as my soul wants to depart this world, finally… and I mean finally finally (as my eyes seer) he finds the right card, ok… we’re good, oh wait, oh shit, this goddamn m-f’r has not even paid yet… if he pays in change, that’s f’n it, I have rights dammit, people have been killed for lesser transgressions, SIX…SIX…SIX…pick up sticks to beat this person with… just put your damn credit/debit card in the slot already, you could have done this AT ANY TIME during the transaction!! AHHHHH!!!! (admittedly it is worse for me because as this is my industry I know how the payment system works… you can slide/dip your card whenever people!!! do it early and often!)… I am almost broken at this point, having held off this raging beast inside so long the cage that is my brain is exhausted and… damn logic, there is no good outcome from confrontation here, I just have to eat it, and not enjoy it (this gentleman has no idea how close I was to losing it). Was this 5 minutes or an hour? I don’t know if I could testify to the facts after that. So please… when you are in line, do what you can to speed things along, the life you save… may be your own. (and the chipotle corn cakes turned out to be worth the wait, I hate to admit)
Driving home last night, something I do all the time, ahem, obviously… but the sky was so that the road was framed in, and spring, not quite here has lent a bent to the trees (or perhaps the way they were cut to avoid the power lines), so for some reason the trees seemed to be menacing, hanging over the road almost ready to strike, or more accurately swallow me whole, as the daylight dimmed and I drove towards oblivion I scribbled this in my journal (and as usual this is barely edited, damn I can barely read my own handwriting sometimes so I have to guess)…
a tree broken back over arching the roadway branches like ten thousand black talons in a witches’ bent lifeless, dangling, a photograph – a trap! driving this street mind racing a gauntlet of these gaunt creeps lining both sides all seems closing in the horizon light contracting to a point I am cornered. like ichabod in that hollow on that bridge cornered by what this night may bring
music to accompany (I know, worst band name ever but…)
note the ongoing synth throughout, like a heartbeat in the melancholy, to me this mixes ambient/electronica with doom metal, but yet there is layers… brilliant. the video is pretty dull but the tune rules…
just sitting out on the deck, even the dog just wants to pause and admire, the warming sun just enough to hold off the waning chill, birds return, it seems, by the hour now, their quorum raises suspicions that winter is indeed receding, the birds chorus sounds less like a symphony and more like contests about who gets the top bunk, snow still clings in the subtle shadows of trees and houses, binding to nooks where the sun’s growing confidence has quite not yet reached, clinging to the months long tundra ground in biting desperation, to remain in solid form and not simply melt away into nothing, soon their cousin rain will come and convert all the followers as such, we, these earth dwellers, can not actually feel the tilt (although we have calculated the trajectory), as we are very tethered in our hemisphere, but we can know the hints of the foreshadowing, the days are stretching, mildly but noticeably, and even my dog would agree, bask in the sun, watch the world change around you, here comes the spring.
(oh and by the way, that’s samantha aka sam, the dog, a rescue black lab from puerto rico, before hurricane maria, she is around 10 now (a sort of guess) and surely would be dead if not adopted prior to the hurricane which we never hear about anymore)
Short works that is (what were you thinking?), today was my typical horrendous commute but the sky was this orange/pink linear gradient into blue (and I had my tunes so I was certainly more chipper than my fellow travelers, I often concoct stories in my mind based on their cars and posture to pass the grind), I took some photos out of my dash with my phone but at the moment my motivation to post said photos has waned and passed, so take my word for it, an absolutely lovely hue rising above the tangled concrete mess (almost taunting), some windows open, blowing smoke, the lovely gas containers of Elizabeth (which you may have seen in the Soprano’s intro), I have worked 9 days straight and somehow I feel like I lost an hour somewhere, not sure, but anyway, here are a couple of simpler more singular numbers, enjoy…
single seagull soaring over head destination unknown perhaps the shore she does not tell how will I ever know?
I have never found anyone else because I have always been looking for you.
perhaps this is all we are meant to see all encompassed in a living dream for on our death we truly wake on to the eternal scene.
notes…wrote these back in November, not that you care but I always like to post when I wrote something, not sure if it matters in the scheme of things (OK, it doesn’t) but damn me and my promises (I might have tweaked a note or two here and there)…
musical recommendation ? (and I thought you might not ask….)
Groovy ambient, more active than passive and lots of bass… I find it great to get work done, pushing out the noise of the world to bang on the inner sanctum of intellect, but hey, that’s just me, let’s grab a beer…
Sometimes I like to be plain and simple, this would be one of those times, could I write some confusing lines and be all mysterious? sure… but I’m just not that guy much anymore…
the rose that blooms still blooms when you’re not there
the rose that blooms still blooms when you are gone
“driving scene“
minor hills covered in snow like a postcard from above
notes… (ah I just can’t resist dissection, that’s just me, get used to it) poem 1 is sort of a different take on the old “if a tree falls in the forest thing“, maybe it didn’t start out that way but after it wrote itself that is the way I felt about it, poem 2 was literally just some lines that popped into my head as I was driving to work, both these were written 2/15 and are exactly as I wrote them (no edits), I am usually an in the moment guy (well, in terms of my writing)… man alive I should really make myself be that way in everyday life and interactions… I am trying, I am on the path, I want to be outside my birdbox (i.e. without blinders on)… am I so strange in this aspect? I often wonder.
oh! magical jelly bean I strike out to find your whereabouts to track you down legend laces whispers that you are all flavors rolled into one truly a concocted dream of Wonka want might I find you… in a guessing jar? will you look familiar or are you a solitary star snuck among the common pebbles for common tongues oh! magical jelly bean my quest for you… has just begun !
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com
notes… there are times when I have no idea what is coming into the view-master of my mind, so I pull forward on the one armed bandit mech anyway and see what it brings, I labeled this canto 1 for a number of reasons, but primarily because I might come back to play in this sandlot, I have other ideas of where I might root around and search for this magical bean…
music, going geek rogue here again… one of the most overlooked video games (to me), complete package, skill, game mechanics, music, graphics (for the time)…
dear god, all this you already know (so why am I writing) and all I know is a fraction’s fraction I am an atom lost in the vastness of your soul how can my mind meet yours and understand blueprints physics a grand architect’s plans
you blink – one billion years I blink – from the mere light of a single solitary star we orbit the earth tilts and still we are so far apart but am I a part of you? the divine spark, is is true?
written way back in july of last year (edited tonight), I never know why I release these when I do, just whimsy or as I always say, the muse informs me, I am not particularly religious but respect those who are… and those who are not, if one of you has the answer to this life, I’m game, but I am also a skeptic (with an optimistic bent), I have a true love of life within the realization I surely can not know the answers to the everything, I used to be so sure, then I settled on “it’s ok not to know”, I am more in the “I surrender” to the universe phase now I suppose, I am trying to live life the right way, for that to be my light, I am not quite making the grade but I am on the path, as they say, I hope my thoughts can inform others to just pause and be better, you will fail, I fail, but make the effort, yes, in the end it might mean nothing (in pure honesty) but making no effort also leads to nothing… so pick the better alternative and plow forward my friends.
music... since I am in a musing mood… some spacey ambient (I know, not exactly original of me to post stuff like this… but I always post whatever I am into at the moment!)
and HEY! if you have some cool ambient I should check out.. let me know, I am always looking for new things to groove to, but you never know what will spin my widgets (what’s a widget?), I was listening to a bunch of old school metal this week like Six Feet Under and Meathook Seed, as well as some Vivaldi.. yeah, I am a strange bird, flightless, well… maybe…
Latin Irony… at my local Wegman’s (the most awesome-ist supermarket) I peered across the parking lot, and instead of just noting the irony to myself, I stopped, to share it with you, I can only imagine the thoughts of those in their cars as to why this nutbar was standing in the middle of the parking lot (literally) taking photos of such a banal suburban scene in less than 30 degrees, but only if they read my blog (like every good person should) they might understand…
Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on Pexels.com
music (to perhaps meditate to, whatever meditation means to you) ? I have been into this the past few days, I admittedly have an ambient bone to pick and love the soothing electronica it provides (I must admit I missed this band in the past, my bad but damn they, the duo are great)…
and as always, thanks for the look, the eyes, the time, all comments are appreciated, as well as local restaurant suggestions (I can’t complain though, really, how many towns have genuine thai, vietnamese, north and south indian, sri lankan and all the usual jersey fare – hello, awesome pizza?!?! and bagels), but I am always open to suggestions !
Shades of My Garden 