road rage, the death penalty and waiting in line @ the grocery store

road rage, the death penalty and waiting in line @ the grocery store

grocery cart with item
Photo by Oleg Magni on

point one, I was enjoying a rather common evening picking up a few items at the local supermarket (Wegmans, and I love the damn place), so being that I had just over 7 items and less than 15 I was relegated to the 15 or less lane (seems obvious), I generally pride myself in keeping my cool and apparently I was about to be put through the gauntlet of said pride, as luck, fate, or damn circumstance would have it, the gentleman (and I am stretching the word here) in front of me had way more than the appointed 15 items, that in itself is enough for a force-able slap across the face, but I showed restraint, point two, the cashier did not admonish this monster of the shop-way in any way shape or form, I train cashiers, or well used to at work and I always made that a point of emphasis, are these people actively f’ng with me ? (I think to myself, where is kutcher? but that show is long gone, bad reference on my part) So I relegate to swallow my growing, throbbing rage and think of better days, “hey, what is the outcome here if I confront this unspeakable evil?”, so I regress to pretend interest in the candies and periodicals lining the grocery runway toward the cashier, all the while trying to hide my side stink eye at the thorn sticking so sorely in my side, THREE! the cashier moved at a glacial pace, and also did not know her produce codes, inside baseball here THE CODES ARE ON THE STICKERS!!!! ARRRGHGGGHGGH!!! I am surprised I am not vibrating out of my shoes at this point, but I tap myself on the shoulder (figuratively now, otherwise that would be weird), and I pause and decide against any action as any outcome will not be just worth it, I just need to hold on and let the storm pass, FOUR… finally, I mean finally, the order is scanned and bagged, but is my ordeal done? oh nelly no no, not a chance in this hell I was getting out that easy, not only did gentleman “x” bring a party to the one person line he decides to finalize the transaction in slow order, FIVE… shopper loyalty card, does he have a swipe-able one ? nah… are you kidding? he pulls out a key ring that would make Tolkien drool, with a key fob for every store to perhaps inhabit a 100 mile radius of this place for the past three decades (or more), so one by one like the dewey decimal hell of my youth he goes through them, would it be in the first 20 flop ? of course not… I think I am out of my body at this point looking down upon the scene as my soul wants to depart this world, finally… and I mean finally finally (as my eyes seer) he finds the right card, ok… we’re good, oh wait, oh shit, this goddamn m-f’r has not even paid yet… if he pays in change, that’s f’n it, I have rights dammit, people have been killed for lesser transgressions, SIX…SIX…SIX… pick up sticks to beat this person with… just put your damn credit/debit card in the slot already, you could have done this AT ANY TIME during the transaction!! AHHHHH!!!! (admittedly it is worse for me because as this is my industry I know how the payment system works… you can slide/dip your card whenever people!!! do it early and often!)… I am almost broken at this point, having held off this raging beast inside so long the cage that is my brain is exhausted and… damn logic, there is no good outcome from confrontation here, I just have to eat it, and not enjoy it (this gentleman has no idea how close I was to losing it). Was this 5 minutes or an hour? I don’t know if I could testify to the facts after that. So please… when you are in line, do what you can to speed things along, the life you save… may be your own. (and the chipotle corn cakes turned out to be worth the wait, I hate to admit)

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