(related to my previous post, I just wasn’t done writing it last night, I am happier with the flow now…. perfect? eh, probably not, but when in the moment…)
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“a summer song“ walking in the sun on sand on street on lawn transports me back to youth a child’s time, set the loose, all structure was built on wonder in that first moment we discover a bird a bee a bush a squirrel a jack a clover allowing the developing mind to ponder without the fear that bears us forward I wish I might have stayed a child – just a bit longer or grant the power from within to once again – grow younger, walking in the sun, transformed once more to youth for even for a moment’s pause bask in that most basic truth
musical musing for the evening… maybe not obscure… but man I love this song…
Walking barefoot in the sun, I feel once again young, as if I am looking down at my feet and seeing a child’s body, my body, walking in the sun, a t-shirt and shorts, destinations and appointments give way to innocent desires and pursuits, this feels like the summer I remember in my bones, the warm laziness that calms all membranes, the quelling of all senses, for a moment I utterly bask.
I park my car under a tree, so, things happen in the natural order of things, so I figure I might hose it off as I just had it proper washed on friday, so in the midst of aiming to knock off the bird presents for a moment the hose jerked up, and the breeze picked up, mist sprays into the air almost like slow motion each drop frozen shimmering in the sun, misting me up the legs up my arms and my face, there is immediate revulsion but then a hugely wide smile, there – I am taken into an immediate transfer back in time, I’m a child, with other children, running through a lawn sprinkler on a day just like this, so vivid I can hear and taste the moment, how the water felt on my skin, the belief that we could jump through unwashed or untouched, ‘oh that next jump’, the pure hope of children, such a simple thing, more memorable than some fancy vacation to a posh destination, there is more in slices of life like that than can ever be paid for, the simplicity of a hose attached to a fan sprinkler and the mad dash to jump over them (to be nimbler than jack), such distilled existence, purity of joy and fun with nothing attached to it, no expectations, just the next moment, maybe that is the problem with adulthood, all these outward layers we collect bear us down, in that it is like everything else, you pick up things as you travel, you fill your house, and unless occasion or circumstance demands you to down-size… will you?
I am not saying strip down your clothing until you are a child again, that would be a simplistic thing and I would be a fool doctor to prescribe such a prescription, but maybe take a look around and see what actually benefits and supports your life – and what does not, be that a trinket or a person or a person of trinkets, try to mine down to the things, that are the purest version of your thoughts, you will know them when the shovel hits them, for now I want to go walk in the sun some more, letting my toes explore the lawn, step on an itchy ball or three, let my skin absorb the sun to the point of just sweat, and maybe.. maybe find a sprinkler to jump through (and hopefully not break a leg)
(I escape tonight, with a smile and filled with satisfaction)
they had a string of three albums that was mind blowing, they had big label support but for whatever reason they never broke big, they had a unique sound, unique front man, I’ll never understand why but those that loved them truly did, as usual comments and likes are appreciated, this is all my original content, this is me, some guy in new jersey, the garden state, who does… appreciate any and all eye balls, I am convinced there are people out there wired like me, I am certainly not mainstream, I gave that up a long time ago…
“a prayer for the fallen, for they shall not rise again a moment for the forgotten so we shall know their acts remain to those who came before
to those with which we leave,
a prayer for the fallen,
with these words may you take heed
let now the world’s foundation
build inspiration from their deeds”
notes… I did not plan to write this, I wrote it a few days ago but it seems apt for Memorial Day. I have no military in my family and in fact it seems discouraged (one day I will write a missive about that), what is more noble than sacrificing yourself for others to do nothing (or something) with their freedom? sure, is every soldier a pure soul ? no. but there are those that are literally on the front line battling for our right to blog here on wordpress and other such trivial pursuits (as much as I think art is important, it is, without warriors would we even have the chance to express ourselves ?). I know it is trite to say Freedom is not free… but it is not, I am in the debt of those that came before to give me a life where I can explore the world via my mind and my art, thank you, the unknown, the nameless, the creator (whatever that may be), every free breath is a gift… goddamn I have to remember this.. I have to motivate myself further… life matters… life matters…
notes… technically I wrote this on my porch but it was different from those musings… this is my blog so, I do what I want, If you dig it, I am grateful, if not there is plenty of other grapefruit to ponder.
music... COM TRUISE… that’s all, retro electronica, sounds 80s but yet somehow modern-ish… NJ guy as well so I am partial to that…
the clouds seem to want to have a conversation tonight, I am not sure what about, they seem quite still, shadows painted flat against the blue, not a blue recognizable as a hue you would associate with day, a blue looking over a ledge right before it fades into black, but still perceptibly blue even at almost nine at night, a commercial flight blinking as it moves across the main face, pulsing in and out, passing in and out, just as a car passes by, symmetry in random things, a sign? or just reading the page nature has laid out in front of me…
“I’ll surely miss this one day”
so, I must, with my best intent soak it all in, but then, for a moment I notice the yellow jacket lady has a hitch in her walking steps, and that little detail manages to spirit my attention away, until the subtle shfff shfff scrape shfff shfff scrape fades, no matter how much we stop and look at the world in frame, the world is content to whirl around us never stopping, an unpredictable machine with infinite parts, we announce to the universe that we know the ticks, the gears, the hands, but we are still landlocked on this one planetary earth, as sophisticated as we are… string theory, dark matter, chaos theory, astrophysics, a holographic universe, the multiverse, buckyball (I just wanted to throw that in there because of the name), the god particle (higss boson), all fascinating areas to stretch our limited knowledge wider (and I revel in immersing in all these things as possibility is imagination, dreams into reality essentially), but there is also equal satisfaction in staring at the variance of leaves on a simple single tree, as I am doing now, there is enchantment in looking at what we might ignore in the very daily day but it is it’s own complex network of molecules and matter in a nearly infinite scale, I can get lost in the peaks and valleys in just a tree I planted some years ago with these hands, fascination, watching the subtle twitches from insects or a breeze, mesmerizing, I find myself lost in the moment for a moment or some, another plane breaks through, a train calls out in the distance, as the clouds are fading back into the darkening sky, I forgot by now, what was I going to ask them, what were they going to say ?
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notes… (this is part of my porch project).. I was going to post something else tonight but then I sat outside and as I always say “this wrote itself”, because that is the way the muse works through me, I don’t know if this piece conveys the feeling of peace I felt, if not, well, it was…peaceful, I highly recommend finding a quiet space from the rat race of daily life daily if you can, stripped away of these electronic things (which I equally love to be fair), but just sit there and take it all in, look for details you might have missed…
Excellent (amazing) ambient space music… maybe I should post these links before my posts as music to read the post by? I am writing this listening to this… I imagine traveling as light through space…
“The universe saw fit for you to be alive in this exact moment of all space and all time, although you may never fully comprehend this existence or reason for being, fiercely embrace the truth that you have happened, for that is utterly undeniable.”
ck, no, not su, or fu, ‘c.k’. meaning Courtesy and Kindness… I am not going to go on with some long harangue (excellent word btw) about how there is less of these attributes populating the world today, because:
a) how would I know b) what’s the point anyway?
So (genesis of this), I was driving down the Parkway Sunday to spend the day in a lovely park (Big Brook) and the Parkway is already showing signs of “shore traffic“, that is the typical backup of the South direction in the morning, North in the evening, something you get quite used to being a New Jersey resident, there is an absolute mad dash down the roadway on every weekend starting, well, yesterday I suppose (it is not totally scientific, forgive my dalliance), so I had to deal with this super heavy merge, I try to be judicious with my driving (I am a big believer in alternate merging, I seriously don’t understand those who actively block you, I mean, you are gaining a car length buddy or two at best – wow for you, you won the internet…), so a gentleman (well, I’m not 100% sure really) let me in and I meant to do the courtesy wave, instead, for some reason unbeknownst to me even though I was the one producing the physical gesture, I kind of did a half point up instead of the approved wave form, and I did not see a reply in my rear view, so I hoped that my message was not ill-received, it made me think of a few things, one being the state of courtesy and kindness and my role in that, which is what I started rambling about here…
is there a point to actually doing these sort of things? I won’t make a difference even if I do these things.
Logically it is hard to argue against the above summation. However, I postulate to you (the one reading this) that it is better to strive for better even though we will certainly fall short (especially if you jump off a curb, joke). but more aptly…
“In the face of imminent death I would rather go with a smile than a scowl.”
Maybe this is simplistic, obvious, childlike, stupid, corny (insert your adjective of choice here)… Sure, I get it, but what is the alternative? And is that better off for all those involved (ahem, humanity) in the long run? This brings me to the intention of intent. Deep down we know what we are engaged in when we do it, but does someone else ever do (or do we assume)? Instincts are great but perhaps a pause in mind before an action, or an extra mental step to look down the line would better serve the end. Good intentions do not always have the expected result so use them with care, and like any other tool hone your skill as you grow. Why do people not think practice matters when it comes to courtesy and kindness. I posit that it is like any other thing we choose to do. The first time you stumble or perhaps screw the pooch entirely…. but given time you screw up less, that is the hope at best. Good intentions blended with proper preperation.
I don’t say all this to be preachy or pretend for even a barren nano-second that I embrace these ideals every minute of every day, in fact the fact that I have to expound these thoughts this way may mean they are not my natural inclination, perhaps true, however, I am choosing to look at that impossibly impassable mountain before me and climb anyway, surely, many days I wake and will not have the energy or verve to tackle the task…
but keep my eyes forward focused on the path
And somewhere along this blog road, perhaps, I can drag a few souls in a positive direction, at least, I think and that is my wish, with all of this.
might I keep these words alive
as with a beacon’s light
that faith may guide my mind
and god will temper my hand
(…and with that, good night my friends, exit stage dave)
3/5/3 form considered “modern” for whatever that is worth…
exhaust fumes I am stuck behind concrete truck
a small child on a bicycle of his size
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as I look toward the flower moon my heart yearns for that which I know that which can not last hope and logic are not bedfellows and I have a choice with whom to lie so I beseech you, flower moon to hear my plea grant me rights as I will you the portent to fulfill bring blooms to night under pale reflected light you hold all my eye and wash away make me pure again make me whole again for winter has lingered far long within this soul o’ flower moon
I was pondering what my limits are when it comes to happiness, is there a well, a reservoir, a certain limit to my good nature and how exactly does that work? I thought about how some days my fuse is quite short but others not so much, do we possess…
a quotient of happiness ?
I quite imagine it is like a little jar, with some iridescent red fluid, stocked with a various amount any given day (maybe I grew up playing too many RPGs, fair point), regardless, this is what I visualize in my mind, what a grand thing it would be to know how much happiness I had in stock for the day before I stumbled out on the world, I might mete it out better or more copiously (depending – supply/demand happiness economics 101), this visceral representation in the mind might lend to a more balanced me, after all, especially on Mondays, I certainly could use an IV of good tidings to start the week, but how might I fill this heart container once drained? what if I set out to dream of happiness as I lay down at night? and how might I accomplish such a thing? counting smiling sheep perhaps? having Ed McMahon confirm that I may have already won 10 million dollars? a tropical island? a date with Drew Barrymore? maybe none of those things, maybe the key is just thinking about the subject at all, power through consideration, a mental reminder to recharge the resource for the good of all, I think I will give it a whirl, what’s the harm, although a smile to the next passing car does not seem to return the same… I’ll smile anyway.
apparently I am not the only one to ponder this particular conundrum, as a simple web search brought up the following…
if I only knew what I was getting into! seven steps… and here I thought I was all clever mcDavey with my little flask analogy like Legend of Zelda… hmmph. oh well, whatever the case may be, be happy.
Shades of My Garden 