More thoughts from my porch…

More thoughts from my porch…

garden sunset sunrise lens flare
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I finally made a page for this “series” or whatever it may be, my attempt at just creating my art as it is on the fly, on spot, on my porch. But here is what I wrote tonight (well, last night since I am schedule posting this for the morning , remember I will never tell you something is new if I post it if it is not, I will always post my dates of writing same, that is just me because I am really trying to post me, or at least the best approximation thereof), when I post older stuff, you will know, does it matter in the long run ? probably not, but I am me and I will be Mr. Me all the damn time.


9.2.2018 “from the porch” (series)

so here I am once again

the hour is late august

no, early september

(although they speak a version of the same language)

ambitious leaves

are now beginning to fall

either precocious –

or tired of the season summer

and her beating heat,

I find myself staring

at the leaves of my japanese maple

knowing, but yet wondering

if they are even alive

in this still non breeze

this quiet of not quite night

I don’t even see any tremble,

trees barely seem alive

unless they are pushed and persuaded

their growth, seems to happen

in a different time

quit different, than the flow of mine,

hard to comprehend, understand

or wrap around my head, my mind,

I try to think of some clever metaphor

for trees,

my roots welling up, bolstering the pillar, of my trunk

branching out

the leaves, how ever do they fulfill

the sun, driving the hunger

burning the oil of chlorophyll,

but I wonder, what are my leaves?

obviously I am the core, the tree itself

trunk and branch

always there, in all seasons, even winter bare,

so what are my leaves?

are they feelings? people?

but what in my life do I have all

and then – none more,

so I suppose this is a failed metaphor,

failure, we’ve all worn the shawl

failure, even in words sounds so dire

but yet, should be as natural as the breathing air,

all the many species

that have come to past

and those that survived

not by a straight line

with a dollop of luck

or just a plain old long shot,

so flip failure on heads

on tails

you might just find

hope, even on summer’s end.


on the eve of labor day” (porch series) 9.2.2018

I witness the world sleep walking

even the clouds seem crawling across skyward dreams

only one cricket seems to care with lonely declare

the once raging blaze of the fireflies in peak – is dying out

only a few embers remain here and about

the temperature has not yet quite broken

but soon enough will

yet in a way I still mourn

yet knowing you will return once more

but for me, this means one less,

a few leaves have already leapt to begin their slumber

once high above, now they are grounded

and I know it is more than mere gravity –

Newton my friend

who can think of the “g” word

without picturing an apple striking your head,

just a month ago

a rumor of snow would smack absurd

but now –

an inevitable sound

the rusty old plows

scraping down the street,

huddled inside

as our hemisphere

tilts from the sun

good bye my summer

may I be here for your return.

Howl at the moon…

Howl at the moon…

silhouette of tree branch under white cloudy skies during nighttime
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The allure of the moon is quite separate from the actual fact of the moon… (scientifically speaking that is)… I almost feel cheated by the knowledge of what it is, imagine looking at the ancient skies with ancient eyes… and the wonder therein, but then again we still know so little of everything (even if we think we know so much, so so smart we are – being here just a blink of cosmic time).  But the moon is still an AMAZING thing even when defined… this lonely rock orbiting us as we orbit the sun… think about how we compartmentalize that as fact but it should be… a wonder, a miracle, an amazing testament to the amazement of the universe at large (even in this one galaxy in billions).  So, take pause, look up at our loyal friend, and remember what is actually going on hence, this massive rock (compared to our tiny frames) bound to us by an unseen force (I mean … think about that for a second, do you question gravity ?).. All this because I decided to post a moon poem I wrote a few months ago… the more I write, the more I wonder what guides my hand sometimes, if you would ask I would say I am agnostic, if I would ask I would say I am looking but evidence points to something, I wish I had the answer – so I continue searching.


5/22/18

half moon

what is your intent

half lit

obscured in mist

 

hazy moon

what do you portend

what is in store

if my fate is read

 

ascending moon

rising high

shape shifting shadows

traces of eyes –

watching

 

hypnotic moon

you mesmerize

how long I stare

at this nightly sky

waiting

as you pass on by

a lonely witness

to my life.


close up of woman working
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notes… pretty self explanatory on this one, I was not going to post about this topic, I had some weird ideas I didn’t float, I was going to post about posting posthumously (I mean, who would know if you lined it up/scheduled your posts?), I also had an idea to throw out about starting a blog called “My Way” where people could post videos of their daily commutes (if it doesn’t exist already that is, your commute(s) say things about the places you live in I think, I think it would be a cool experiment, so if you steal the idea – at least credit me)… driving home tonight was horrendous, ok, it should have been awful but I was in such a good place mentally (honestly probably thanks to this outlet), I totally forgot about the upcoming American holiday Labor Day and took the GSP… oy, what a  mistake, but I pulled out of myself a little piece of realization, put on some good tunes and just smiled through the whole thing, getting pissed or angry would have solved zilch, traffic is what it is, so I took a deep breath and just sucked it in, I tried to people watch and see who was mad, who was going to the shore (ahem, everyone), or who was just doing whatever.  I got some dirty looks, honked at (as if I could go through the car in front of me), and the full array of reactions you might imagine.  I can’t say I would react this way every time… but, I should because we have to realize what is important in life, what matters, what we can control and what we can not, I implore you to do the same, so the world is a touch more tame, you will fail, so will I, I would love to tell you how perfect I am and how to live your life, but that’s garbahhje (as I would say with my Jersey accent), make an effort, in your own way (find your own way),  and thank you for reading… my way.


concert musique partition cle
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Musical accompaniment … ? some moon stuff (of course)

HumanMeshDance – Wet Moon

Black Moon – Cellar Darling

The first track is some deep ambient… from perhaps what I consider the best ambient album I have ever heard (so far)… maybe it was the time of my life, I don’t know, it resonates with me.  So turn it up or pop on the head phones / buds and chill (let your mind wander)…

the second track… well, I am going to see them in less than 2 weeks in Brooklyn and I am totally friggin geeked out about it… one of my new favorite bands  but a singer whom I absolutely absolutely love.. and she plays the hurdy gurdy like no one’s biz.

Loneliness.

Loneliness.

man sitting and closing eyes on teal bench
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an interesting article I came upon… (article)…  I guess I am a loner hypochondriac … if there is such a thing, the article rang some bells in my dome, made me think, and maybe you, reading this… just food for thought, I am on my own journey but it is pure hubris to think I am the only one who has thought all I think or some of it at least, at some point, at some actual dna thing we are all the same… it is so big, why am I trying to figure it out.. because… well, that is how I am wired, to figure stuff out regardless of the daunting nature, maybe it is silly and stupid… and exhausting, but, this is my only life… it is all I know, how do you change… that ?

just a note (8/27), I post things like this because my brain is always on and grinding on things, I would not consider suicide (have I in the past? sure, but not an option anymore)… the only circumstance I could foresee is a debilitating disease that takes away this – me, my ability to be this silly little demon that we call David, if I had months to live and those months would be on a hideous slide where I would be losing myself to disease if only to extend my life a few weeks ?  that is the only time I would consider it, I do love life, not every second, I am trying, because as I say, the alternative sucks, I wish I could carry with me a little pill of calm, not some drug but the actual thing, you know it when you feel it, I felt it tonight driving home from the store, I had to hop on the Parkway for a couple of exits and all the shore traffic was just gnarled to the core, but I had a sly smile, it probably pissed off those around, I just dialed in some music (cellar darling, my current obsession, going to see them live in a couple of weeks!), and just popped in that pill of calm, looked at the sky, the setting sun, and I felt it… calm.  Now the trick will be to do that when the burner is on my ass, and work is in full swing, I had no where to be so I was in no rush, but what is so damn important anyway ?  maturity and calm… I am working on it.

Gravity is a toll road.

Gravity is a toll road.

person holding a chalk in front of the chalk board
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Often I think about how we fill our minds up with ‘stuff‘ (thank you George Carlin)… How easy it was to be in the blissful cross-hairs of youth.  Innocence is just one of those things that can not be put back into the bottle (as much as we may try).  I used to feel a sad pity for those with special needs but now at times I am jealous (to an extent as a mental exercise) that they can exist in the perpetual bliss of unawareness.  Sure, I would not be who I am if I was not self aware… but the pull of that other option, the temptation is certainly there.  Self awareness and in my case overly active brain is tiring at times… maybe that is why when I am on vacation I prefer a lonely beach so I can pretend that the waves are washing away all the crust the world has built up upon my hull…  but it takes a toll… how much? We will never know.  But if you do… I would love the answer, please tell me so… so I can truly rest before the true (final) rest.  But I suppose, like everyone I will just be out there sailing the seas of thought seeking islands of legend… and then one day running aground near some nameless forgotten port, sinking, absorbed into the shifting sands at the bottom of the ocean of time, my particles to become the building blocks for some other creation… be it animated or not, a crab perhaps but I would hope for more…. but like all else I am not in control of such things.


simple observation” 6.10.18

children playing

children’s smiles

making up games

rules are loose

shoelaces

made up races

I miss the whimsy of youth


notes on the poem: I wrote this in a rest area on the GSP… (like many things), a couple and their kids had unloaded out onto the picnic area… and just… the kids did what kids do, making games of the world, amazing, I miss that.


musical accompaniment…

for whatever reason… this piece came to my mind:

Jean Sibelius – Symphony no 5 in E flat op 82

I like the peaks and falls, and the quiet parts…

Sabre-tooth.

Sabre-tooth.

human skull with white background
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extinction” 6.3.18

I am the last sabre-tooth

in a human mind

I survived

the great collide

yucatan

and so far survived,

the rise of man


notes… a mix of metaphor and some science thrown in for good measure, in a way I am juxtaposing the great extinction of the dinosaurs against the coming extinction… well, of us? or everything else?  something to think about…  (although I know the earth will be fine, she will silently outlive us all.. rise and fall… maybe even another whole genus of hominids (or talking upright donkeys with wings – pegassus ?) will rise after we are wiped out by ourselves or something else)


da’ music… I am going to go softball and toss an obvious one here…

Megadeth – Countdown to Extinction

pretty light fare even for them … and for me… but I don’t always need to listen to songs that blister my brain with blast beats… well, at least part of the time it seems.

Voyager (3)

Voyager (3)

A continuation of my Voyager series (1, 2)… and now 3!  Of course there is not an actual 3rd mission but I had to number these to avoid confusion among the handful of people actually reading them…and myself honestly.  They all have a common thread but different flavor (I hope).  Maybe I am like voyager throwing things out into the universe to see what I see… throwing my own golden disc into the vast expanse of the internet perhaps finding an alien I can teach my language… or maybe I just like to write, or somewhere in between the two probably is the domain of the truth, at least for now… and without further adieu…

electric lamp over black background
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voyager 3” 7.2.2018

a faint –

distant

memory

ever traveling further

every moment every second every hour

a thin beam of light suspends dust

through the seam of a midnight door

a whisper slithers down the hall

barely audible

I strain to hear

I might remember

how I came upon this place

in darkness

this cold space

a litany of stars

but none are close

none are warm

all are far


notes… I am specifically commenting on Voyager 1 here… It is in interstellar space now (see my original post to learn about all that).  So… it takes 17 hours (more now) to receive a message from Voyager 1 so hence the ‘strain to hear’ reference… and the line ‘a thin beam of light suspends dust’ is a specific reference to this photo… Our planet… from the perspective of Voyager after it left the solar system…  humbling, to say the very least.  This little satellite that could is now in between stars… which illustrates the sheer vastness of space, hence the rest of the poem, maybe some people think I should not explain things or whatever… but these are very specific references I am playing with here that I want the reader to understand… now I am leaving huge gaps in metaphors as well… so this poem has other levels (like personal) but I want people to understand the core of the feeling as it energized me to write the piece(s).


so… some more trippy ambient avant garde stuff ? sure… I got that in spades folks.

Tetsu Inoue “World Receiver”