Contemplation from the porch.

Contemplation from the porch.

close up photo of street lamps
Photo by Muffin on Pexels.com

the lull of white suburban noise.
I contemplate the sameness of my street, for me all this has always been here, but surely this hallmark will be gone, strange to think of dinosaurs, beasts, and all manner of creatures traipsing about this space where I sit now, concrete foundation in this tamed landscape, or so for now, soft sounds amplify in space like this, a neighbor walking mistaken for some demon lurking just out of my sight’s reach, until a bright yellow breaker rolls into view, and I concentrate on their steps, how uneven they are against the lose layer of debris that resides on top of the asphalt, the non perfection of form, scrapes of humanity, I could call this a soft cool breeze tonight, but somehow it is lighter than that, almost just the subtle presence of air settling down, not enough to provoke thoughts of cold, or flight back into my hole, still waiting for the spring, patience, I know, but still it wears thin on me, the dull low roar of commercial flight reminds me I am not far from the airport, I could go anywhere right now, but where would I go? where would I be? I have trouble accurately describing the sound of passing cars driving by, I know the technical side, tires on pavement in rotation against the ground, some seem calm, others rushed, as I try to make out the muffled music during the brief encounter, or to build a story about a neighbor filling a jar full of momentary assumptions flavored by flash judgements, based on a car, driving by, in only this matter of time of my arbitrary observation, a neighbor, I only know because their house is on the same block, a stranger, in any other contextual lock, the same person walking comes back from the other direction, on the sidewalk this time, not sure why, variety I suppose or no thought to it whatsoever, my direct neighbor across the street gets delivery, no signs on the car so I can only speculate, they had a little girl, she used to play outside, I have not seen her in a few years, how little we know about those in just the next house living whole lives next to ours, I wonder what lurks in the shadows and dark spots and corners, but in all honesty, there is nothing here that can harm me for real, this tame banal suburbia, the lull of white noise, the sleepy outdoor gaze of a jersey night


illuminated city at night
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notes part of my Porch series, tonight spring crept in, I even heard some children plotting games from the yard in back of mine, just waiting until the spring shakes back and forth like my dog after a bath except spring is looking to shake off the cold yoke of winter, which certainly is stubborn this year.  all thoughts, comments, questions, and quiche recipes are appreciated.

a simple thought about, well, everything.

a simple thought about, well, everything.

landscape sky night rocks
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“the theory of everything,
a flash of light
and then the ending”


written 3/19, sometimes I like to distill things into base ingredients, this would be one of those times.

music… to groove by…put on your buds (or better yet pump up the home system to feel the bass in your people space)

Sounds from the Ground – brightwhitelight (full album)

regrets (about love lost)…

regrets (about love lost)…

broken car vehicle vintage
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I wish I could tell you
how well I have come along
without you,
of a life fulfilled

I wish I could tell you
my decision was wrong,
all those years ago,
half my humanity gone
I pray you have fared better
and forgotten my name

I wish I could tell you
my love still endures
but, the hour is late
and time has passed over this house
I have never forgiven
myself

if only
a decision made with two,
I close my eyes
to conceal all this from my sight
if only I could tell you –
you were ever the only one

one day
I will pass from this earth
I wish only
to be by your side
transformed into light
with you, my eternal love
with you, once and final more


music…

Minus the Bear – Last Kiss

that says it all my friends… (this poem written 3/6, thinking about her… while listening to this song)

some simple thoughts today.

some simple thoughts today.

garden sunset sunrise lens flare
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A rare saturday off for me, I must admit I slept in (I love laying in bed listening to binaural beats as nature rages outside whipping across the bamboo I planted making such a specific sound), I am a big believer in recharging batteries of the self, especially since I work 6 days a week and more than 9 hours a day usually, what sucks is friday peeked @ 70 degrees but today? not so much… barely 40’s, what a tease, but it was warm enough this afternoon to sit outside, let the dog roll around in the yard (man she hates to be clean), and sit and just let the breeze wash over me, let the sun warm me enough to be out there, watch the birds, try to sound locate the calls of the familiar ones, and for once I just did voice memos into my phone, so here they are….

“those pure of heart
but grave of experience
are doomed to make mistakes”

“tangled wind chimes
only sound
in the strongest winds”

“the songbirds call
against the coming of the night
for soon they will be silent”


notes… like my last post these are haiku to me, at least in spirit, I clearly have no control of the muse, she comes to me in all forms, I admit I have fear I will lose the talent to write, there are times I think what the hell will I write next? and some panic there, but the muse, so far has been fair and keeps delivering the mail to this address.

music (says a me)…

Cellar Darling – Death

so I am totally partial to Anna’s vocals… after seeing this band live I was just sold down the river as a silly fanboy…

driving and dreading…

driving and dreading…

concrete tunnel in forest
Photo by Ray Bilcliff on Pexels.com

Driving home last night, something I do all the time, ahem, obviously… but the sky was so that the road was framed in, and spring, not quite here has lent a bent to the trees (or perhaps the way they were cut to avoid the power lines), so for some reason the trees seemed to be menacing, hanging over the road almost ready to strike, or more accurately swallow me whole, as the daylight dimmed and I drove towards oblivion I scribbled this in my journal (and as usual this is barely edited, damn I can barely read my own handwriting sometimes so I have to guess)…

a tree broken back over arching the roadway
branches like ten thousand black talons
in a witches’ bent
lifeless, dangling, a photograph – a trap!
driving this street
mind racing
a gauntlet of these gaunt creeps
lining both sides
all seems closing in
the horizon light contracting to a point
I am cornered.
like ichabod in that hollow
on that bridge
cornered
by what this night may bring


music to accompany (I know, worst band name ever but…)

My Dying Bride – The Cry of Mankind

note the ongoing synth throughout, like a heartbeat in the melancholy, to me this mixes ambient/electronica with doom metal, but yet there is layers… brilliant. the video is pretty dull but the tune rules…

From the porch…

From the porch…

(my continued series), this is from the deck, but same difference (idea)…


just sitting out on the deck, even the dog just wants to pause and admire, the warming sun just enough to hold off the waning chill, birds return, it seems, by the hour now, their quorum raises suspicions that winter is indeed receding, the birds chorus sounds less like a symphony and more like contests about who gets the top bunk, snow still clings in the subtle shadows of trees and houses, binding to nooks where the sun’s growing confidence has quite not yet reached, clinging to the months long tundra ground in biting desperation, to remain in solid form and not simply melt away into nothing, soon their cousin rain will come and convert all the followers as such, we, these earth dwellers, can not actually feel the tilt (although we have calculated the trajectory), as we are very tethered in our hemisphere, but we can know the hints of the foreshadowing, the days are stretching, mildly but noticeably, and even my dog would agree, bask in the sun, watch the world change around you, here comes the spring.

(oh and by the way, that’s samantha aka sam, the dog, a rescue black lab from puerto rico, before hurricane maria, she is around 10 now (a sort of guess) and surely would be dead if not adopted prior to the hurricane which we never hear about anymore)

Time for a quickie (or three)…

Time for a quickie (or three)…

asphalt buildings city city lights
Photo by Steven Arenas on Pexels.com

Short works that is (what were you thinking?), today was my typical horrendous commute but the sky was this orange/pink linear gradient into blue (and I had my tunes so I was certainly more chipper than my fellow travelers,  I often concoct stories in my mind based on their cars and posture to pass the grind), I took some photos out of my dash with my phone but at the moment my motivation to post said photos has waned and passed, so take my word for it, an absolutely lovely hue rising above the tangled concrete mess (almost taunting), some windows open, blowing smoke, the lovely gas containers of Elizabeth (which you may have seen in the Soprano’s intro), I have worked 9 days straight and somehow I feel like I lost an hour somewhere, not sure, but anyway, here are a couple of simpler more singular numbers, enjoy…


single seagull soaring over head
destination unknown
perhaps the shore
she does not tell
how will I ever know?


I have never found anyone else
because I have always been looking for you.


perhaps this is all we are meant to see
all encompassed in a living dream
for on our death
we truly wake
on to the eternal scene.


notes… wrote these back in November, not that you care but I always like to post when I wrote something, not sure if it matters in the scheme of things (OK, it doesn’t) but damn me and my promises (I might have tweaked a note or two here and there)…

musical recommendation ? (and I thought you might not ask….)

Solar Fields – Altered Second Movement

Groovy ambient, more active than passive and lots of bass… I find it great to get work done, pushing out the noise of the world to bang on the inner sanctum of intellect, but hey, that’s just me, let’s grab a beer

a couple simple spitballs…

a couple simple spitballs…

purple petaled flower on white surface
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Sometimes I like to be plain and simple, this would be one of those times, could I write some confusing lines and be all mysterious? sure… but I’m just not that guy much anymore…

the rose that blooms
still blooms
when you’re not there

the rose that blooms
still blooms
when you are gone


driving scene

minor hills
covered in snow
like a postcard
from above


notes… (ah I just can’t resist dissection, that’s just me, get used to it) poem 1 is sort of a different take on the old “if a tree falls in the forest thing“, maybe it didn’t start out that way but after it wrote itself that is the way I felt about it, poem 2 was literally just some lines that popped into my head as I was driving to work, both these were written 2/15 and are exactly as I wrote them (no edits), I am usually an in the moment guy (well, in terms of my writing)… man alive I should really make myself be that way in everyday life and interactions… I am trying, I am on the path, I want to be outside my birdbox (i.e. without blinders on)… am I so strange in this aspect?  I often wonder.

Catch Phrases (motivational aphorisms?)

Catch Phrases (motivational aphorisms?)

landscape nature night relaxation
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I decided to hop on the GSP this morning instead of the Turnpike because my route to said roadways takes me directly over them so I can actually see the levels of hell I might be descending into (Edison is quite advantageous a place to live, in that regard), by rule I almost always avoid the GSP weekdays, well, rules have exceptions but sometimes they are also rooted in pretty darn good experience, but (oh the but…), I threw that logic out the window seeing as the Turnpike looked more like the Meadowlands (er… Met Life stadium) the day of a Giants game (yes, I am a fan…), anyhoo, so I wound up in some mind numbing traffic (I know, I know, I complain about traffic all the time), so instead of getting my road rage on (for no apparent reason or recourse honestly) I popped on some Eric Johnson (Tones specifically) to soothe my soul (and make me forget my current annoying predicament), I find Eric’s playing full of the joy of life, so, for whatever reason, the muse came down from whatever cloud and handed me these, some phrases and thoughts, feel free to share as long as you remember where you got them…

“live life in amazement
  love life in amazement”

(edit 3/7 – love life through engagement), pick whichever version you prefer…

“for some, winter never ends
for them, I can only pray”

“there is no currency lost in dreaming”

“I find myself looking for metaphors in rusty guard rails
maybe I am trying to hard”


notes.. don’t they look so much more impressive in quotes… anyway here is some more Eric Johnson, he is coming to town at the end of the month as part of the Experience Hendrix tour which also features perhaps the most underrated rock vocalist ever, Doug Pinnick, anyway…

Eric Johnson – Song for George (acoustic)

and as always, thanks for the eyeballs…

Even in the teeth of winter…

Even in the teeth of winter…

seashore during nighttime
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I could post about the new Game of Thrones trailer (OK, I am totally amped for that) but this is not that post, winter is not coming… in fact it is fading but surely going out with a roar here in the garden state, however among the storms we are trying to dodge, and snow that surely makes my morning commute an absolute slog – there are signs, this morning I heard it, the song of spring, the birds that had gone are back again, not in full force, perhaps just an expeditionary crew to lay the ground work for the re-population of the summerlands, I have come quite familiar with the sparse chirps of winter (cardinals mostly and finches well), this morning there was more singing in the choir (I stopped to pause) even with the temperature dropping, the sun seemed stronger, or perhaps my eyes have learned to harvest yield more of the weaker rays, either way, this morning was different, and so was last night, the day is starting to stave off the night, the endless battle swings  in our favor…

somehow the night sky
somehow retains the blue
as if midday or the afternoon
the clouds viewing by in celluloid panes
mirrored on the fresh snow upon the ground below
melted, slightly
until this night drops more
and breath rises
still stark limbs, still out-reached
still searching for a conclusion
weighed down in corners with tufts of white
instead of leaf
and yet the sky seems bright
a trick of my mind perhaps
and no moon yet in sight
somehow – the night sky, tonight