I can not remember all choirs of turns that lead to all, this
nothingness
I will rebuild, but something less
as this, has levied a toll
more than these words may address
notes… I am an optimist and realist both… so sometimes I need to reflect. I have made plenty of mistakes in my life, I hope to find happiness and also realize that the opportunities of youth are not there anymore, but yet there is hope, there is always hope, at least that is what I tell myself, I just hope that those I have wronged can forgive me, as I can not forgive myself. I try to believe that regret or the past does not matter. But the past is what is written, it is there, it is done, it can never not be… and that is what bothers me most. I know I can not change it… I can only change going forward, but it does not alleviate the past… and should it ?
Of course the ole tradition of making resolutions… much older than you might think in a blink, the early traces are back to Babylon (more of a right of honoring the harvest) but our tradition is most likely traced back to Janus (a two faced god… well, in a good way) whom could look back at the past year and into the new one (and sacrifices were made hence to ensure the year to come). But resolutions… like the breath of wind upon the prairie, gone in nary a second as the dreamy bubble of the holiday expires and we climb back into our normal star ship of life (and blast off forgetting). So, dispatch with resolutions. If you want something done in your life commit to a revolution. That is a plan of action in the place of words. The latin is “revolutio” quite literally meaning a turn around and if that is what you seek – seek revolution! If your tool is resolutions they will wind up as bits of fast food wrappers on the side of the highway of life in a few moments by. Revolution takes effort, planning, put through and then… more effort. Revolutions are never won and done, they are messy, they are looked back upon with gilded guides but in the moment – nothing glorified as such – but the end result is what matters most.
You want to make a change? Commit to a revolution in the scope of the next revolution of our planet around the sun, that new year, from this then old one. Not so far now we will already have come, the countdown begun has the first shot rung?
in a flowerpot
admire all the beauty
even in the dirt
(OK, I went the haiku way which I usually don’t but when it writes itself, what am I to do ?)
there is nothing new about this year, it is another day, another chance, the ritual has value (renewal if you hold it true), but time, time, the actual thing “time” could care less if you are in summer bliss or winter hiding, remember this. Take a breath, really, take a moment and (STOP) look at the most mundane of things and see the miracles residing there. All the things that conspired in the course of history just for you to read these words (and me to write them) is an amazingly insane concoction… is it all just random? maybe. maybe not. I do not propose to know what creates these things but they are there if you look, it may be all science, and that is fine by me, either way the amazing exists right under our noses, our everyday snouts, if we care to look.
A two-fer this morning, plus a poem, yours for only $19.95 in 192 installments! new and improved! just set it … and forget it! So sit back on your my pillow and if you spill something don’t worry about it, just sham wow it ! if you’re hungry just chop some nuts and if you want a relaxing boat ride I have just the solution… now, without further nonsense my entries to my actual collection…
reason for being 12.29.2018 in the AM walking out to my car for work
I noticed the flap of red overlap of a local newspaper plastic sleeve in my driveway bend up and over this morning in the breeze, if I was not there to witness who might be, so was this event just for me? a universe wink? something to ponder? or nothing at all (aside from a racing mind)? the immensity of what had to transpire in the universe (to this point) to just have this simple, seemingly meaningless moment of my notice is beyond calculation, barely in the grasp of comprehension and surely more complex than humanity may ever know, but there it was, a moment just for me to see in a world of all happening and motion, of lives starting, ending and being, of the earth spinning, the sun breathing radiation upon our goldilox home, the sheer perfection of the amalgamation of circumstance, in a blink and I move on, to the mundane spectacular that is this daily life. (but listen closely, for a moment, just a fraction I bet, time stopped and froze, for that pose my eye composed in just that very precious second in between all seconds, I did not chose this, it chose me, and in that exists the birth of miracles, if you stop to notice).
Photo by mali maeder on Pexels.com
winter flowers (driving to work)
not that today should be (or is) any different than the next (or previous), but decidedly I feel a different vibe going on, driving to work this morning the sky feels more alive, the winter sun’s emissaries bursting in lines out through the unmanned outposts of barren branches, casting long shadows across the road (right to left) showcasing cars upon the median wall in a procession of shadows like the projection of a carousel at night, the light adding a shimmer to the leftovers on the asphalt from yesterday’s never ending deluge, somehow things seem better, warmer, surely not in truth by empirical data (my usual cozy), but in feel, who am I to argue, but rather observe and revel, something about the winter sunlight beams as the earth’s pores broadcast open wide and soak them all in, the clouds all in place in one layer, sitting there aligned as a blueprint laid on top of the blue by a steady hand, many times I ponder that which is beyond this atmosphere, out there, but today… I am perfectly grounded within that laid out in front and behind, this morning drive, I can’t quite put my finger on it, but maybe that has been my problem sometimes, sometimes it is better to sit back and take it all in, smell the roses, even in winter when flowers are rarer but not unknown.
for winter flowers are rarer to see blooms on stark precious domain a lifeboat rises in the barren sea when all hope has left for none winter blooms in the faded sun
Never my favorite song (but other KX fans love it to death) but this video shows the devotion of the fans and what it is like to be at a show… the band does not even have to sing (have you been a part of anything like this? I have over the years, mostly Over My Head), by the way Dug is almost 70 (the lead singer), seriously, they have been killing it out there as one of the most original bands since the 1980s, here is the original version just for comparison. Ty Tabor is the reason I picked up a guitar (before Eric Johnson blew my mind, and SRV). Jerry ? A NJ guy so what can I say, I’m partial…
and as always, likes, follows and thoughts (comments) are always appreciated.
not from the stars do I think judgement comes
as the sky changes by forces rung
but as I examine the sky tonight
I notice one missing, a closing light
as in stars we might not know
the light we see or how old
but eventually with distance lens
even the brightest must meet an end
and all folds back to cosmic dust
to return to life on the cusp
and once again form another
from the same constructive endeavor
but only once ever a star is born
never the same as it was before
materials remain but have no soul
for that we turn our inner eyes
to find love, the eternal sign
notes… strange to think we are stars, but surely we are, more important than the hollywood ilk, we are surely cosmic beings in construction, and all this we have built around us,the distractions from all that, these little things that are chains of amino acids walking led to candy crush? who knew… do I overthink things? probably… but I am fascinated by how we got here, the process is almost overwhelming to ponder (almost… 🙂
the first line is a call out to some guy named Shakespeare (specifically sonnet 14), I like the old classic stodgy poets as such, just my thing, I enjoy the ring of their cadence (Milton, Shelley, Byron, Dylan to name a few). just my thing.
so, the wave has begun
the first domino has fallen
a generation has come
to begin an end.
I have seen the wave coming
off on the horizon
everything seems so far off
in the inevitable ocean
but so soon crashing upon the shore
this is the way of things
for we are mere pillars
rock fashioned of sand
drawn down and back into the surf
from which we once rose
in and out the flow
just life
for us to suppose
and follow, as if we have a choice
but we pretend
to have some modicum of control
ever looking at the horizon
and the coming waves
as they come for me
surely, some day
might I be aware
and enjoy the warm rays
bright bouquets to grace the peaks
one more time
upon the waves
that carry my soul away
to some other place
I hope
to some other place
I pray
notes… as I stated in an earlier post, I have been spared death more than most, but that will not be so anymore, and I sense it, I hope I have the strength to relent it and continue on, in the pattern of such things it becomes difficult to reconcile self worth, or more plainly my life’s worth upon this earth, there is no accomplishment any of us can make that will satisfy my view of the world, so I just have to fall back on faith, and fate, and the two combined will be my future, I know what that is but do I accept it ? do I quit? or do I fight and meet the same outcome? these are the thoughts that cross my mind. There is so much to life, so much, that needs to be the focus but I must admit, I struggle.
Shades of My Garden 