a reflection on the perfection of eleven… (stream of)

a reflection on the perfection of eleven… (stream of)

Photo by anna on Pexels.com

outside the norm, or the deca-box, a beginning step over such, just higher than the range of given usual merit, a singular number, a backwards forwards road, twins, towers bold by bold, the power of one number can equal two, so unassuming in elegance, not the first or last of the calendar, nor a remarkable time of any days to remember, outside of america, that is, the essence of being outside, the one, or twin ones, in the major arcana ruled by the sun, a lion’s pride, an ego’s ride, the enchantress begs the gifts, and quells the lion’s maw with her own paw, allowing for the spring of heaven to emerge and flow forth, an elven spring, even a broken clock chimes the gateway twice a day – so what call’s us to notice, and delve into eleven and the eleven realms… who knows?

my photo… my view from my desk… on a good day

file this under things you write as they hit you, sitting in my office (photo) peering through the blinds, the soft parade of bright red underbellies like child drawn crayon whales, of clouds passing just over the house across the street, providing a stark contrast to the black-barren limbs of a tree, to the left of me, from here I can not see the asphalt, or debris strewn about on the street, not even the empty bus stop or garbage drop, no my mind is free for a moment to flee to meander within the clouds slowly so slowly sliding south, darker now, darker still, the red has faded to a purple gray, in this space, I could dream to be as free from the every day, one day, floating in the resonance of silence, or so I imagine this to be.

Notes… I am playing with numbers here, look up 11, I am not going to link to everything this time out that I was riffing on, just go to your fave search engine and search “meaning of 11” you might be surprised, or not, or maybe learn a thing or 12….

pause, to take a look…

pause, to take a look…

actual photo by… me.

the sky unfolded above me
out toward the horizon
‘I have had dreams like this’
-thought crossed;
unfurled cotton waves
extended into the burnt orange
just an ordinary man
in an ordinary lot
the world transformed
into living art

notes… even on a rough day, I felt ground down to a stump, back was barking a bit, I was no where special, no where besides this miracle marble, more locally New Jersey south, in an asphalt parking lot, outside a supermarket in a semi-beach town in winter, something inside me said “pause”, the cosmos? god? an ancient ancestor giving a nod? maybe all those… for like our ancient past, I looked to the sky… and was amazed (that photo is what I saw above the usual fray I was mired in)… so, like I always say, take a pause, take it in, you might be dazzled every now and again when the norm is hanging over your head…

the trojan horse, for therefore I am…

the trojan horse, for therefore I am…

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

we are the masters of our own domain, we raise the walls, we setup the defenses, and yet we may be betrayed by our own voices and impulses, maybe this tale is true, men lying in wait inside a glorious now notorious gift, or perhaps it is one of the greatest metaphors of all, troy did not welcome the horse with open arms, so I’m told, or so is written, there were voices of dissent, and those who chose not to listen, so we are troy, perhaps easily repelling an overt invasion, but persuasion, the soft penetration of sophistry, seduction, the art of deception so you hang on your own noose, sounds preposterous, and so it is, on the face, but how many of our proclivities may overrun, maybe they do not open the gates all at once and let the enemy pounce on sudden corpse, but more like insipid poison, gladly taken in with wine filled glass-fulls, glad gulps of our own demise, all in the name of feast and compromise, for are we not beasts that reside in the cultivated fields of temptation, so far removed from plains and migrations, somewhere that lurks, we are not a patchwork of circuits, flesh and blood, no matter what we may think or elevate above the other species, flesh and blood begets the same, as virgil says (or so quoted) “Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes” translated to: ‘I fear greeks, even those bearing gifts’, for greeks are merely the name of that day for the malady lying at their own feet, for many years I have always thought of the story as a great tale of war and beware, but more these days I fear I may have written this chapter on my own lair many a time, eager to hold up a trophy minor victory or none, hold my name up to the sun, or worse boast to fly closer like an icarus run, this all seems so clear, so obvious now, how fallible and foolable this form can be, me, how can I be my brother’s keeper with my own loose gate, so maybe that is the avatar, the symbol, the meme to remind me of fate, a hollow horse or not so hollow horse, to keep me on course and remember that I control the comings and goings of my castle, there is the one enemy out there that will surely flatten my walls, pierce my defenses, steal, no silence my last breath, witness as death plows this whole effort under the ground, but until then, I shall think of the trojan horse and question what I let happen within my own domain as to maximize the health of my inner hearth, heart, sanctum and mind.

notes… and you thought there wasn’t a thrash version of the Beatles classic “Eleanor Rigby”, silly rabbit, thrash is for kids…

the reclamation… ;;;

the reclamation… ;;;

Photo by David Kopacz on Pexels.com

into the dying sun
for there will go I
even the sun must, all sons will die
I turn to hope, to retain

the well is running dry
for mother is recalling her precious resource
reclamation to imbue the cosmic womb
with the life of another
death and incubation are stages, gemini
the well runs deep now
the well is running dry
so I will dig deeper
the work is harder, but familiar
hands harden like wood, with age
nails rotten with dirt – under, itches
as long as there is the energy
the breath to drift in
a beating heart within this chest

a raven stands over a puddle
and for a moment
catches a reflection

a love affair (with coffee)… (__)>

a love affair (with coffee)… (__)>

Photo by Anete Lusina on Pexels.com

I sure love me a cup of joe, or three, but I mostly begrudgingly hold the urge down to two daily, my preferred coffee of convenience is Bustelo, in the K cup (because you know, making a cup of coffee is such a chore), columbian roast is good, espresso roast – a little better, if I am out and about I do like Starbucks, whatever dark roast they have on tap for the day, one stevia, skim, just a dash, for color I think, or maybe I like the cool bloom the milk makes as it mushrooms up from the bottom of the cup, I have little stops by some of my accounts around the NYC/NJ area, gorilla in brooklyn (ok, a bit pretentious but great brew – the maple latte slays), joe coffee in manhattan, haylee’s in wayne nj (RIP), red pipe in forest hills, cafe grumpy in greenpoint (their turmeric lemonade in the summer… oy…), and all sorts of other spots in between, sometimes I get kona from this little stand in hawaii, got turned on to it years ago, kona is the best smelling coffee (just not as strong as some caffeine wise, and heck, sometimes, OK, most of the time I want that kick as well as the robust waves of flavor to savor), reminds me of which, my cup, sitting there on my desk, quite empty, screaming for a fill, or is that my internal coffee fiend prowling the dark sidewalk corners looking for a score, no matter, quarter after 4, time for one last more, of that liquid happiness in a tin cup, my coffee. Things I recommend (not sponsors or pay links, you get my advice for free…)

notes… hey ! I like your thoughts, your comments, your mind, your eyes… heck, all of it… so thanks for the look the read, the moment, I am like that chocolate box Forest Gump was obsessed with… you never know…. and that is what you should expect…. internet gurus be damned, this is me, deal.

in a moment’s glance, there is grace.

in a moment’s glance, there is grace.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

kiss of a sunset
to quiet the gears that grind
I shall remember

behind a grand tree
light slides in the afternoon
I take a deep breath

kiss of a sunset
absorbs all my creation
palms cleansed by water

and shall I count now
each of these unto my lips
for never lasting

notes… OK… sometimes I snuggle up to haiku… basho is awesome I must admit, I am usually mr. freeform but sometimes something triggers that itch of the japanese verse variety… work was dragging… I could feel it drowning me (my fault), looked out the window, the sun was setting (early this time of year) right behind a big old tree and some buildings, and it gave me pause… and a reprieve, silver linings indeed…

mundane… … …

mundane… … …

Photo by Brooke Lewis on Pexels.com

new year drive

up that same stretch
the same pavement
different constructions signs perhaps
the same general perception
some time has passed
enough to grow a beard, maybe
slightly longer than that
there is a different feel
yet the birds still sway
back and forth over the meadowlands
over the roadway
like giant hollow swings
billboards, toll booths
wet with new year rain
the same
the same as last year’s rain
as far as I can tell –
I await for a thread of sunshine

notes: this is a feel thing, this was my first day back at the office in a month, since I had covid and since my father passed, you almost expect the world to be different, you feel different, you look at things differently, but everything else, feels the same or acts that way, so I wanted this work to be… mundane…

in honor of my father…

in honor of my father…

Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

in the presence of the sons
in the presence of the brothers
a long witness, my mother
a wife for five half score and two;
all of us here, under the all-mighty eye of g-d
to return this vessel
these building blocks
into the earth herself
for today –
I buried my father.

I did not inter love, nor thoughts
nor a lifetime of memories –
for even death, can not purge those
safe, in the deepest corridors of our hearts

those standing, those left
those knowing
for a piece of him resides within you all, now
rejoice in this, take solace in this
in time you will know this to be a guiding lantern
to purge any darkness

so I wish him farewell, for now
until we will meet again
in some other place
a dimension we do not quite yet comprehend
of this I am certain
a calm of peace has settled in
within these thoughts

goodbye, my father, for I will see you again
and thank you for the gifts you left for me
the ones you taught, in imperfection
in perfect humanity
I say goodbye to you, my father
with love – your son, always- your son.

notes… this post is one of my toughest on a personal level (obviously), I thought about not posting it, but this is what hit me @ 4am this morning, I rolled out of my non sleeping bed and wrote these words, before the funeral, the nervous energy I had was overwhelming, or was it dread? I do not know, I have not lost someone so close to me, as I have said in the past I have been lucky to be so untouched by the craven hand of death, but not so, and I knew it was coming at some point… but nothing prepares you for the reality, the customs, the going through, the physical steps to the grave site, the hole, a literal hole with a casket, the dirt in a dominant pile, the cold grip of it all, as if this was a fantasy burial, the sky was mostly blue, there was a cold wind, we were in woodbridge nj but might as well have been in the middle of anywhere, vast and wind swept, I could not speak, I thought it would take forever but as over too soon, but there is nothing you can do, except release and accept helplessness, and just turn back to those you love…