notes… sometimes life is not all puppies and unicorns, I am human after all, I try to always look on the bright side, but sometimes night happens. (and yes i wrote this in June, I don’t always post as I write, sometimes I wait for a moment that is right, for me)
notes… sometimes I just write things that hurt me to the core, because truth can be brutal, but it is truth, I may hate it, I may hate myself for my own self, for losing her, it is easy to look back, it is not easy to not regret the fact.
As is my habit (not the nun uniform), I like to post some simpler thoughts on the weekend, just some snippets, notes, scraps of thoughts (little tidbits and crumbs from my journals over the months), so…
“shine” 5/30/18
as the sun shines, I know your smile
your eyes, I am lost at sea
sinking into your midst
into bliss
washed up on the shore
the sun warms, once more
grains of sand
I succumb
into the dream
of your love.
6.8.18
empty park bench
lonely shadow
empty park
sorrow
not a squirrel nor a bird
just the wind
shuffling through the trees
alone with my thoughts
carry my words of love to her
please…
“time blinks” 7.10.2018
my precious time
is gone
spent
and to be honest
I do not know
where it has gone
or where it went
“morning joe” 7.10.2018
singular
expression
caffeine
injection
to percolate
a sleepy soul
I will go out of the box for a minute (as I am wont to do…) with a movie recomendation… real old school goofy 80’s comedy that I think is vastly overlooked (the where’s the beef lady is in it !!!! cmon now! – almost as cool as the parts is parts commercial)…
stick with it, it is funny… cheesy? 80s?? yeah… all that… but trust me and thanks for reading if you are reading this. all comments/thoughts/vile epithets are appreciated.
the poem of course, is historically one of the greatest in history… all poets aspire to write such wall crumbling words, we need to internalize same and live our lives this way. Do I do it ? No.. I aspire to it. These are wonderful words and an amazing example of why word art matters. We must remember that art does matter but also the sentiment of truth anchors the best of art. The truth being that we have this little slice of time to be relevant, to be actually US, to be ourselves, we will blink and be gone… we only have this little time, instead of living many of us are wrapped up in nothing (myself included).. how do we escape this pattern and LIVE as free people, free from perception, allegation, the chains of oppression of society and the expectations of same. If you are expecting answers, I am sorry, I am seeking them as well.
I didn’t work my usual marathon today (I didn’t exactly have an easy day mind you) but, I met back up with someone I trained (at a store) two years ago, it was like a time machine, she had that on me, total surprise, she’s young, it is not a thing like that, but sometimes you just run into someone who reminds you of the fire of life, this was one of those moments, in Harlem of all places (when we previously met in Valley Cottage), life is strange, and all circles, maybe I should be more… observant and active in it. Sometimes you just connect with a certain person, for whatever reason, enjoy the moment, they are special, we had that fun and now the universe brought us back together… so damn strange…
That said.. here is some simple thoughts…
8/13/2018
where were you
when you were gone
but more to the heart –
where are you now?
8/13/2018
you are
all the more
I could ever
ask for
NOTE: sort of my groove on Haiku… feel wise.
I have posted this one before, but so what, this is what I am jamming to, you’ll get over it..
Sometimes work saps the sap of life out of me (just jam the damn syrup spigot in my back already)… 2 days into the week and nearly 24 hours of work hours logged can do that, so I am beat like that plastic bag on the highway that keeps getting passed (unmercifully) car to car, under tires, sometimes head on, I feel like I am tumbling out of control head over heels into traffic (why am I programmed to work so damn hard?)… and like that bag I am no good for my (immediate) environment, I want to defuse myself and live… but life is not that simple as my typed words, years of behavior do not unravel and re-learn themselves in the blink of a blog, “it’s a process” … ugg, that almost makes me sick thinking it let alone typing it, but what else can I do ? 360 in a day doesn’t happen, we all love the certain and known (I am surely no exception), but try and step back, well… do step back, sure it will be a bit late most of the time, but not all the time, at least, that is where I am at, I can only speak for me, this one voice, this one vessel filled with all the unique and common experiences, how do we think like anyone else? how can we? is trying enough? or is failing better? Just throwing things, cuffs off and all, just throwing things bouncing my inner walls…
Note: my posts are totally organic (except the poetry when date stamped), tonight I am totally exhausted but writing… it brought me some semblance, I thought about writing nothing, but… the muse took over, so the lesson, move over rover and let the muse take over….
Shades of My Garden 