origins cruel perception the trick of life am I the culmination of thought of dream my parents decision cosmic reconciliation into being the universe quite decided for I an now
sometimes my view of life takes a turn, or perhaps perspective shifts. is this all a dream? how would I know, how would I really perceive it, and conversely are dreams real, are they reality, we think of something so it does and did exist because of that thought, it did happen, at least somewhere, in some space, in our mind, but yet we may dismiss this as not reality, what is reality, what brought us forth, a thought? perhaps, it is all a circular firing squad from there, a never ending loop, are we in the act of creating merely by imagination, or is imagination the cauldron of truth, of life, all determined by perception, a house looks much different from the inside than from the out, a mountain looks different when staring at the base than when peering from the summit top, and that is a matter of mere feet, not a cosmic mile like looking at earth from the moon or taking a ride on neptune’s 165 year orbit to look around the solar system from another view, these are the things swirling around my brain this day… how about you?
Generally speaking I am a very easy going fellow, an optimist, a lover of life, and frankly I have had a pretty easy life compared to many (and I do need to remind myself of that more often perhaps), but sometimes, life, puts you in situations you KNOW about but don’t want to dwell on or even think about the reality of same… Today, was one of those days. I am keeping the details slightly vague but specific enough so you get the gist of it. I received a call about a certain relative that could not get out of bed (they are getting up there in age), I was on my way to work but of course as dedicated as I am to my job (admittedly probably too much) a family flush does beat a straight job in the poker game of life, well I essentially had to carry them from their bed into the bathroom, and to be blunt their bladder was not listening to their mind (you can fill in the rest, it was not pretty. I can only imagine the embarrassment on their part when you live your whole life and now need help for the basic things), oddly, none of this hit me at the exact time, I think I went into “nurse” mode and just did things instinctively, later on the whole scene had a much greater impact on me and is sort of stirring around in my head (not in a particularly good way), I am trying to process this into the positive realm because I really believe in that… So what’s my point in all this ? To cull your sympathy ? To share what maybe others are going through and not talking about ? Maybe… but I think if I boil everything down it comes to love. Tell those you love that you love them, time is limited, be thankful for life every moment you can, sure, you will fail, I sure as hell do, but I work to make that my goal and walk in that direction (sometimes distracted, sometimes focused), put love out there, sounds almost pollyanna-ish but what’s the alternative ? the older I get the more things seem to come down to the simple things we all inherently know but may not always practice moment to moment, and maybe that is a lesson to… practice… it won’t make perfect but practicing the good will at least focus some positive energy in that direction.
I didn’t think I would write anything today, I am quite mentally exhausted because besides what went on this morning work has been absolutely brutal this week… but more brutal than confronting the aging and dying of loved ones and what that looks like ? nah…
thankful for this life
at first light
the privilege mine
with these eyes
thankful for this life
notes… if you read all this, thank you, stories, comments and vignettes are always appreciated.