Validation:
“The universe saw fit for you to be alive in this exact moment of all space and all time, although you may never fully comprehend this existence or reason for being, fiercely embrace the truth that you have happened, for that is utterly undeniable.”
From time to time these hit me, not the first time, so of course my watch has ended, I won’t go all Aaron Rodgers on you here, I have a media review page for that (if you care to see my opinion about such things), but this blog is about my creative work and working to be a better person (not necessarily in that order or ever clear), this falls more in the creative work category because certainly a TV show is not reality but isn’t all art some reflection of reality? including TV… well, except those reality TV shows… damn I hate those, anyway… here is a little ditty…
for Winter has truly come
all along the smoldering ruins
past the walls of King’s Landing
covered now but not by snow
but by the souls of those once living,
a pride of lions proved no match
for the wrath of a phoenix writhing
forever to unmask
the absolution of power’s binding,
two once bright suns did crash
one if by brick, one if by steel
and within their lover’s arms reveal
love can exceed even that of death
and break the bonds of reasoned men
of course I have to end with this…. and all re-posts, likes, snowballs, spitballs and all sorts of diatribes.. are welcome, if you spent time reading this, thanks, I’ll never know it but perhaps screaming in the wind catches a few ears.
ck, no, not su, or fu, ‘c.k’. meaning Courtesy and Kindness… I am not going to go on with some long harangue (excellent word btw) about how there is less of these attributes populating the world today, because:
a) how would I know
b) what’s the point anyway?
So (genesis of this), I was driving down the Parkway Sunday to spend the day in a lovely park (Big Brook) and the Parkway is already showing signs of “shore traffic“, that is the typical backup of the South direction in the morning, North in the evening, something you get quite used to being a New Jersey resident, there is an absolute mad dash down the roadway on every weekend starting, well, yesterday I suppose (it is not totally scientific, forgive my dalliance), so I had to deal with this super heavy merge, I try to be judicious with my driving (I am a big believer in alternate merging, I seriously don’t understand those who actively block you, I mean, you are gaining a car length buddy or two at best – wow for you, you won the internet…), so a gentleman (well, I’m not 100% sure really) let me in and I meant to do the courtesy wave, instead, for some reason unbeknownst to me even though I was the one producing the physical gesture, I kind of did a half point up instead of the approved wave form, and I did not see a reply in my rear view, so I hoped that my message was not ill-received, it made me think of a few things, one being the state of courtesy and kindness and my role in that, which is what I started rambling about here…
is there a point to actually doing these sort of things?
I won’t make a difference even if I do these things.
Logically it is hard to argue against the above summation. However, I postulate to you (the one reading this) that it is better to strive for better even though we will certainly fall short (especially if you jump off a curb, joke). but more aptly…
“In the face of imminent death I would rather go with a smile than a scowl.”
Maybe this is simplistic, obvious, childlike, stupid, corny (insert your adjective of choice here)… Sure, I get it, but what is the alternative? And is that better off for all those involved (ahem, humanity) in the long run? This brings me to the intention of intent. Deep down we know what we are engaged in when we do it, but does someone else ever do (or do we assume)? Instincts are great but perhaps a pause in mind before an action, or an extra mental step to look down the line would better serve the end. Good intentions do not always have the expected result so use them with care, and like any other tool hone your skill as you grow. Why do people not think practice matters when it comes to courtesy and kindness. I posit that it is like any other thing we choose to do. The first time you stumble or perhaps screw the pooch entirely…. but given time you screw up less, that is the hope at best. Good intentions blended with proper preperation.
I don’t say all this to be preachy or pretend for even a barren nano-second that I embrace these ideals every minute of every day, in fact the fact that I have to expound these thoughts this way may mean they are not my natural inclination, perhaps true, however, I am choosing to look at that impossibly impassable mountain before me and climb anyway, surely, many days I wake and will not have the energy or verve to tackle the task…
but keep my eyes forward focused on the path
And somewhere along this blog road, perhaps, I can drag a few souls in a positive direction, at least, I think and that is my wish, with all of this.
might I keep these words alive
as with a beacon’s light
that faith may guide my mind
and god will temper my hand
(…and with that, good night my friends, exit stage dave)
Music to read by… Fine Art of Friendship (King’s X)
I was pondering what my limits are when it comes to happiness, is there a well, a reservoir, a certain limit to my good nature and how exactly does that work? I thought about how some days my fuse is quite short but others not so much, do we possess…
a quotient of happiness ?
I quite imagine it is like a little jar, with some iridescent red fluid, stocked with a various amount any given day (maybe I grew up playing too many RPGs, fair point), regardless, this is what I visualize in my mind, what a grand thing it would be to know how much happiness I had in stock for the day before I stumbled out on the world, I might mete it out better or more copiously (depending – supply/demand happiness economics 101), this visceral representation in the mind might lend to a more balanced me, after all, especially on Mondays, I certainly could use an IV of good tidings to start the week, but how might I fill this heart container once drained? what if I set out to dream of happiness as I lay down at night? and how might I accomplish such a thing? counting smiling sheep perhaps? having Ed McMahon confirm that I may have already won 10 million dollars? a tropical island? a date with Drew Barrymore? maybe none of those things, maybe the key is just thinking about the subject at all, power through consideration, a mental reminder to recharge the resource for the good of all, I think I will give it a whirl, what’s the harm, although a smile to the next passing car does not seem to return the same… I’ll smile anyway.
apparently I am not the only one to ponder this particular conundrum, as a simple web search brought up the following…
https://www.trackinghappiness.com/happiness-quotient/
if I only knew what I was getting into! seven steps… and here I thought I was all clever mcDavey with my little flask analogy like Legend of Zelda… hmmph. oh well, whatever the case may be, be happy.
So here I sit, halfway through May, 70! seventy seems like such a magical number, a threshold, perhaps mental or winter weary, just 24 mere hours ago I thought about penning the misery of a cold “unforgiving” rain, one that seemed keen to rob me of my day off, I can almost taste them now, in spring, days off, the promise of all the things I love to do outdoors crushed by the cruel scheduling of Mother Nature, but at least, for this moment, I can bask in this, especially after the tides of rain of late, my lawn certainly looks greener than I recall, my Japanese maple is invading the walking path to my door, taunting me to dust off my trimmer, my various bamboo plots are literally jumping out of the ground (not always where planned), the smell of a fresh cut lawn hits me, my neighbor has one of those do-it-all riding mowers and pretty much does my whole yard without a word, who am I to contest? our interactions at best are usually just the nod as I drive past in the morning to work, he’s a good guy, a family man, two kids, he and his wife have the same first name, some sort of cultural thing, “han”, I refer to them as Han Duo, and they get the joke, he invites me to his pool sometimes, I usually decline, at least, I have in the past, I see two asian indian girls walking up the street, I have seen them before, I always wonder about people’s stories, one of them is usually wearing some Rutgers schwag, I don’t know much more than that, or what house they are from, I used to know everyone up and down, but things are different now, or so I am told or so I experience, the day moon stands prominent just above the clouds, shaded in the same color of blue somehow, I’m sure there is some scientific explanation, but I’ll just take awe and contemplation as sustenance for now,
maybe this is a perfect segment of time
no perceptible wind, seventy degrees, the sun is nearly down and certainly no longer in my sights, insects are not yet quite in season (although there are a few outliers but certainly not sipping mosquitoes), I try and listen to the stillness of it all and wish to internalize the sum, capture it, stow it away for future use, rare are the days that allergies do not cripple my olfactory line, this is one of those times, where I can feel the expression of all my senses full, I do not bemoan my condition, it is a mere penance compared to many before and gone, and even, perhaps, a too familiar friend all these years, my iris are in full bloom which most likely is a sure sign my daffodils are quite gone, I do not have the will to go look at the scene of the natural crime, why kill the mood? even the uneven sound of clamoring garbage bins being dragged out to the curb does not top the bird call competition, common birds but still a remarkable collection, and there is quite the mic battle, but, they seem almost like children trying to get the last word in, before the night,
in between light
perhaps that is a better way to think of the dark.
music to read by…
The Claypool Lennon Delirium – Amethyst Realm
Groovy, hypnotic bass line, kind of like Doors meets the Beatles.
(this is part of my porch series… an ongoing exploration of the same thing at different times but with the same mind, this one, all thoughts, comments, questions and likes are all appreciated, thanks.)
pasture and lawn reprieve:
for now I see verdant swaths
risen up from fallow flocks
the world has turned to bloom
life rides forward
toward inevitable doom
casting seeds upon the whim
land and cone over
the ground within
carry on, to catch the sun
oh dear mother, carry on
notes… written in my car 5/4 (yeah Star Wars day ya geeks…), rewritten tonight (I did make changes), here is the original as written (I want to be honest and show my true process):
pasture and lawn reprieve:
for now I see verdant swaths
risen up from fallow flocks
the world has turned to bloom
and life roars forward
against that inevitable doom
casting seeds upon the whim
land and cone over
the ground within
carry on, to catch the sun
oh dear mother, carry on
so the thrust of the poem is the same but I like my changes, it more reflects what I wanted to convey.
I post unfinished work(s) from time to time, I call them my orphans, sometimes you need to fess up to who you are, I am imminently bad at going back and finishing works, they either finish in the moment… or I abandon them, so here are some of those (just dumping them off on a Saturday night), my hope is someone finds some value in them and maybe inspires them to do something, the underlying inspiration was there… but something else caught my eye and they are just…
1.28.19 “an ode”
oh clear blue sky
not even a cloud in sight
there is nothing to contain
just breathe the even still
2.26.19 (meditation)
like a technicolor jellyfish
spinning and shimmering, pulsing
blasting off
with the tail stalk of a nuclear bomb
bursting upwards at impossible speed
into the out reach
atmospheric breach
2.27.19
I was born to be with you
but I ruined destiny
turned my head on fate
and I have never fully recovered
and so I dwell
3.17.2019
in discussions with my self
on the terms of my psyche
inner voices around the table
adversarial
arbitration
a split decision
3.19.19
on a beach
ghost crabs
are afraid
of me
4.19.2019
splinters of spiders made
can be mended
wholly broken glass
can not be repaired
only reformed
5.6.2019
I search through my feelings
and you are always there
I search around my home
and you are not there, anymore
notes… that’s it, nothing else tonight. Comments are always appreciated because I can always hear my voice but I need to hear yours…
might I be a bear
called to hibernate
and have a dream that lasts a season,
during that long slumber
might I wish for something more
to transform
to emerge from that cocoon
a butterfly
and take flight
lighter than air
above the common ground
travel boundless
under basking glow,
but alas, I will awake
as yet still just a bear
and onward call
to river’s edge
on forest tall
notes… I will from time to time write things about being things/animals, trying to find perspective as it were, this is one of those times, hope you enjoy, and throw me a like or nine…
music… one of my faves… ambient with a bit more purpose, I don’t like pegging music like that, this is electronic and more upbeat than the term “ambient” may suggest… I suggest you dig it… and groove my friends…
“sight“
I remain unnoticed
over here
residing
in the shadow
of a vase
for the flowers
capture eyes
notes… not everything needs to be draped in the majesty of mystery, but even in the simple things, around the corner we can not see, nor anticipate, wood floors, plain paint walls, there in resides mystery and sprinkles of intrigue in the mundane, simplicity
music…
Ambient mixed with violins/cellos… very nice… a relaxing ride…
Dye RE: entry #1 (how I color the world and the world colors me)
a construction cone made me smile this morning, driving over the snake hill bridge, manhattan on the horizon (said photo for context), I am just this little piece moving through all this madness, and I visualize that I am a thousand feet above looking at the spectacle below, all the moving parts of this little corner of the world, an intersection of conjunctions, in a quasi-parade, it almost looks like cells bustling about in an artery, all moving in some strange sense of unison, this is the way things have to be, with or without me, I am just this little piece in this clockwork existence, am I even alive? does it even matter? so how can I be upset by the little chatter, the small perceived slights that occur to my particular bubble, people cutting me off, someone doing their makeup almost running me into the median, and I look over at the closed lane, you know, the one causing an inferno of frustration among the local inhabitants, and something just washes over me, relief? release? a combination of the intoxication of belief ? perhaps… I just smiled, and felt free, I wish I could bottle the sensation honestly, so pure, and uplifting, I wish I could reside in that space for awhile longer, the freedom or realization of perception, being out of myself but yet fully aware, and I feel it now just some fifteen minutes past, but yet as I pulled up to my office, I knew it would not last, I tried to hold on, but the familiar pulled down, the doubts and common troubles never left, they just took a seat for a breath, is this what “living in the moment” is? such a vague term I never really pursued to converse with it, but I have to admit, the sense of well being was a sure as the seat I am parked in right now, typing these words.
post: this morning, after reading an article yesterday, I decided to take a cold shower, well, that is not 100% accurate, I decided to experiment a touch based on the article, the piece dealt with the Wim Hof method, while I am not some yoga/spiritual guru, or adherent to a specific religious belief I am willing to give things a serious listen and the occasional try should it pique my particular interests, since your body dealing with cold is essentially a reflex I thought it might have merit to give it the ole whirl, I mean, after all, a cold shower is not going to kill you, it certainly is not pleasant but many things are not so… what the hell, why not? Let me be the first to say that standing in a really cold shower for two full minutes on it’s face seems like nothing daunting whatsoever, what can I tell you, try it, the response is certainly interesting, your breathing changes dramatically, interesting to see how things happen automatically when you are observing and not just experiencing, I lasted 30 seconds, this is not a contest so I am not gauging results, no medals to be awarded, I am admittedly refreshed this morning, is it just the cold shower? I don’t know but I have to say I feel pretty good today, so I might try it some more.
Shades of My Garden 