the timing of your life.

the timing of your life.

man walking on the empty street
Photo by Alex Fu on Pexels.com

ever wonder about the time of your life, I mean, when you happened to be born or not, sure, not much choice involved, I’ll grant you that, but there is always the wonder about living in other times in history future and past, we have approximations or even good (solid) ideas about what that means, at least in theory, in words in books, but not the day to day, moment to moment, breath to breath experience of those actual lives, what we take for granted would be miraculous to those in the past, and conversely those looking back at blogs and us might scoff, ‘written words… on a screen, tell me more grandpa!’, for whatever reason my mind drifted just now, tonight, as I was packing up my car for work tomorrow, I walked outside (as my car is not parked inside silly), the night is quiet, humid, hanging low, kind of ominous and pressing down like extra gravity, the street light, the actual light seems suspended in the air before finally exhausted reaching my eyes, and that leads me to wonder how the streets must have looked in time of just flame lamps, the time before electricity transformed this land (and the irony is not lost on me that I live in Edison, mind you, we have a big light bulb monument just around the bend), so, those flaming lamps, imagine all the time having to deal with fire and fuel instead of outlets, fire seems like such a dangerous thing at times, and is, but during that then it was the daily tool for all things, especially to fight off the night, how much darker things were then, most of us do not live that daily reality, fire is more a cute thing now when it is not a menace burning something down, a fireplace is a nice seasonal convenience my entire life during the winter holidays, or a fire on the beach leaving embers rising into the sky for late night memories and revelry, or out on a mountain trail cooking up breakfast on the peak of one of the Catskills, but just the replacement for a flip of a switch in everyday convenience? of course I could opine all that about ‘simpler times’ and the like, but every technology has it’s own idiosyncrasies in their moment of shine, every society looks back and raises a snobby nose at the more ‘primitive’ times, even if we are surely ever becoming someone else’s primitives by design, back to my musing vision…

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the time of gas powered (or kerosene) street lamps, in a way romantic, yes, in my mind I hear the sounds of horse drawn carriages, that perfect rhythm of hoofs up and down wooden wheels turning and churning, I think of moist cobblestone with a night sheen at certain angles, uneven roads that translate even the most comfortable ride into some level of bobble head motion, we live in a world of static shadows, as our electric street lights are now pinnacles of consistent stability, save for those broken ones or the ones that flicker like twitching fireflies, those old gas lights, dancing flames, shadows twirling with demons, owls asking questions openly, light cast on doubting watching eyes, all things to the imagination, perhaps I am romanticizing, or have seen too many horror movies set at the turn of the previous century, when I think of those old flame lit streets I think of London, and Jack the Ripper, strange how a kid from New Jersey has such a singular view and vision, but it is what I think about in singular fashion, and the night, this night triggered the notion, so I go back inside, to my regular life, to resume all that consumes, so I might retreat back into my own time.

lost.love.letters.

lost.love.letters.

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the dampness in my heart
has been replaced
by a restless cough
born, of barren ash
once blood did flow
a river of hope
life in – pump by pump
deadened – to a still birth
a trickle down
you are gone, my love
and so I evolve
into the ground

notes… sometimes I get caught in themes or a mode of thought, the world could be celebrating but I exist in my own head, as we all do, sometimes retreat feels like the obvious option, but yet I persist in moving forward with anchors of the past, so I must have hope in there somewhere in all the despair, there is always hope, I search for the light, and I often fail but I aim for the light, I do.

lost.love.letters.

lost.love.letters.

photo of a pathway in a forest
Photo by Artem Saranin on Pexels.com

a prayer for her,
for let the ground
upon which her feet may rest
be bound in all the world’s blessing,
may light so shine and guide her way
forever to seek safe passage
until that day when I might be
with her once more in passing


notes… and indeed I do miss her, and long for our coming together, if it may ever happen as it once did, I can only imagine….

detached … but yet not.

detached … but yet not.

abstract architectural design architecture building
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

ladders and stairs
paths and ways
tread and wear
I strain my eyes
carefully to examine
the face made of porcelain
all the while I am the puppeteer
holding my own tender strings,
from orbit, lines are lessons
in person, rifts to dear ledges
the more the experience loads
in the fading light ticking
grows – the burden of the coming,
for a mere message
bobs up and down
between the shores
a millennia
maybe more
sailing unto distant lands
a note from the world
unfurled
in a stranger’s hand,
might I be a comet and visit
all vectors, sectors
the domains of light
and the space between
until, at last
my tail glows unseen,
a candle in a courtyard
with a slight wind bent
aged eyes slow close tired
as the flame is utterly – spent.

simplicity.accurate.

simplicity.accurate.

two silver colored rings on beige surface
Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com

to death,
so thee I wed
the inevitable
my betrothed

notes: haiku feel, at least that was my feel on it, one of those that  ‘wrote itself’ as I say, well, because it did, the universe was in charge, I was just driving to work this morning, contemplating another useless day earning a buck so I could fund better ones, listening to some tunes, but since traffic has been light(er) I can not jot down my thoughts, so I kept reciting this like a mantra until I got to the office and could write this down, so maybe it resonates more with me, if so, that’s cool, but I leave it up to you…

the ocean (a poem riff)

the ocean (a poem riff)

male tourist walking along empty beach and admiring view on ocean
Photo by ROMAN ODINTSOV on Pexels.com

wading along the shore
looking for shells
not sure what I might find
or what I am looking for

in sand the footsteps stretch
soft sandy trail
tracing my path
so others may know

my passage fades
within the writhing tide
memories erased
within the compass of time

and the moment-

I will turn
into those waves
to be swallowed
from whence I came

triggers.

triggers.

close up photography of green leaf plant
Photo by Javon Swaby on Pexels.com

those trinkets that cause an instant memory jog or jump, instant time travel backwards to a specific happenstance or thought, these, are triggers.
here we are in the throes of summer, no, no, that doesn’t sound right, the grip of summer, no, neither, that isn’t quite it, does not convey the feel at all,
“here we are traversing the winding path through the baking jungle of summer”
(OK, I can live with that one).
summer rain. a trigger, in a couple of ways, let me explain if you will lend me your time.
the first- driving, driving home on the parkway, windows down (which in itself is part of the freedom of summer anyway), the pavement has been beaten flat with bombardment, rays of sunshine flagellating on the surface for all the day, the visual aspect of heat belly dances along the surface in the distance distorting the air itself, all the while this solar energy is soaking into the black sponge supporting all means of traffic, and then the break, a dark grey breach rolls in, like an instant the rain is unleashed but yet still with the sun not quite out of sight so the light bounces off the rain, showering the earth in a million rainbow shards, the mixture is almost confusing to the mind, rain and sun combined? how can this be, even today my jaded mind is always surprised by this, this I have seen one thousand times at least, then it hits me, this strange smell, intoxicating even if it should not be, there is this strange combination of asphalt, oil, dirt, grime and what not that is released into the atmosphere as the rain quenches audibly the scorched plains before me, almost like a garage but some how, dare I say, refreshing? I know, it may sound strange, but it is the instant trigger of summer road trip, maybe being stuck in a car for hours dulls the senses and this strange invasion of odor somehow seduces reason into being non reason, but that smell, somehow, invigorating, a sunny rain in the summer on a hot road.

rain drops
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

the second– and I will stick with the theme, the little dots begin to overlap on the steps, faster now they overstep the next trying to outdo the first and last, until there is a thunderous downpour top to bottom straight down, the land has been wishing for this all day, green once wilted all around is starting to spring into shape and take a sip, no a gulp, no the rain is running in and out of their mouths of capacity overflow, finding new lakes and pools in the sidewalks bent, rolling in mini flash floods aside the curbs, the house gutters come alive like instant log flumes, there is so much rain in the air it commandeers the air itself, there is a smell to it, a presence of palpable odor, a musty mist of sorts, as if a drop has hit the hot earth and exploded into your direction like an aerosol bomb , over and again, the suspended rain is what fills your mouth and lungs now, you feel the bend and bough of the grass as the bath flashes over and relieves the yolk of the combined heat of the day, you can feel the oppression being washed away, I feel the same, you almost get used to the blanket of humidity, the heavy air on your shoulders, combined with a pharaoh of intense sun, there seems to no reprieve, sweat nearly keeps the beast at bay but in itself provides very little relief, but that rain, a cleansing time, off comes my hat to look skyward and let the drops wash the sweat from my face, is there ever a more clean feeling, than this? all time falls, I feel like a pure radiant soul in a waterfall…

Pot Luck Saturday! (hodgepodge, that would be a good name for a dog, I have to remember that…)

Pot Luck Saturday! (hodgepodge, that would be a good name for a dog, I have to remember that…)

first on the agenda… here is what I meant by this post, although this pic does not do it justice, this was what I was going for/saw except way more perfect….

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Second order of business, find beauty where you may, seek it out, look for it all around you… so try this…

So… enlarge them, are these mountains? or a mountain lake… drone shots… or?

Third order of business, I ran across this in a note tucked away on my home PC in some obscure folder I forgot, something I wrote in a haste, and totally forgot about it, but I like it, it is kind of a mea culpa about me screwing up relationships… a simple thing, a sentiment, a true thing, my thing, so, I own it…

“I did not kill
two birds with a stone
I merely altered fate
and now we fly alone”

notes…. thanks to any and all looks, your time is measured and gone, as is mine. My hope is I expand your mind with my own and the opposite is the draw, my friends. and yeah I also do movie/media reviews if you didn’t totally dig into my blog…

thoughts… from the porch… (got carpe?)

thoughts… from the porch… (got carpe?)

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the clouds seem strangely organized this evening (them over there, actual picture from my perspective, not some thing I pulled off the web as per usual, that’s Edison NJ sky proper right there), anyway, like I said, the sky was… like a peaceful battalion on a march in the same direction, an intersection, to a point, a pincer formation, all aligning, driving, aimed at the horizon falling, rows drawn and lined, movement deliberate by the minute they climb, chasing in slow motion that last nourishing drop of day’s light, as am I, ‘put down the phone’ I chide my own self to pry away, there was a time that bottomless whirlpool crutch never existed, ‘was I bored then?’, I can not remember all the minutia of the occupied minutes of how such time was spent, time, this time, take the time, perhaps ‘carpe diem’ is too big a bite, so seize a moment clutched fruit from a vine, trek from there, that point, a starting line, imagine being one of those clouds, not in a storm, in a picture frame perfect setting such as this now, moving above the troubles and baubles of the world so far below, cruising over the open seas, eyes to soak in all the globe memories, islands – that only tales visit, mountain tops – without the climb, rivers – that crack continents in half, and lakes – that are children of the very seas themselves, and then, even your back, your back brushing up against the very cosmos – and yet, still tethered to this earth, a line of life from your birth to the land, a product of the cycle of all life, floating water boats sailing the sky, so seize the moment, a moment, and become lost in an instant, become the words that create the stories in all that surrounds you, seize the moment.

notes… almost forgot, my Thoughts from the Porch is a thing, well, at least for me, and those who read me (waving furiously hello at you all, thanks), and to those uninitiated, this is an exercise in freeform, what? well, my version of stream of consciousness, I sit out on my porch and  let the flow go, no, not like that, that would get me arrested man, I mean thought flow, letting the world come to me, or the reverse, or the muse uses me as she sees fit…. something like that… but as I like to say, thanks for the looks, the time, the dime, the comments (good or otherwise), and recipes involving really hot chiles

tonight, a pause.

tonight, a pause.

yurt in spacious valley in summer evening
Photo by ArtHouse Studio on Pexels.com

tonight, out walking the dogs, I looked up, and discovered – the sky was a dream, maybe a combination even, all the right mix to sweep me off to paradise duty free, the heat of the day has sighed and gone off to sleep, the oppressive mass of humidity has retreated to some other port, I thought to myself “I wish I had all the money in the world to see this all the time”, the irony, here I was, viewing for free, noticing the same thing, not a perfectly clear sky, no, not a glowing soft moon, no, just enough stars for constellation fishing, a large swath of perfectly white clouds thrown across like cotton candy as a wind sock, with caves and nooks, all little pockets and playgrounds for the gods, a blue sky, yes, a blue sky at night, not the stunning azure of day mind you, more towards dark but still blue indeed, what I imagine the middle of the ocean looks like when no one is looking (but I suppose I will never know), the dogs seem oblivious, but they have access to a whole olfactory world I do not, my nose is free enough of allergies tonight to enjoy the subtle pine notes of the evergreens, a hint of treated water smell as my neighbor’s sprinklers go off and some wayward spray is blown my way, how can even a perfect picture encompass all this? the sights, the sounds, the smells, the experience, at least perhaps the photo can be a reminder, of these little slices, the devices left for us to discover, all laid out before us, to simply look… skyward and be thankful we are here.