3/5/3 form considered “modern” for whatever that is worth…
exhaust fumes I am stuck behind concrete truck
a small child on a bicycle of his size
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as I look toward the flower moon my heart yearns for that which I know that which can not last hope and logic are not bedfellows and I have a choice with whom to lie so I beseech you, flower moon to hear my plea grant me rights as I will you the portent to fulfill bring blooms to night under pale reflected light you hold all my eye and wash away make me pure again make me whole again for winter has lingered far long within this soul o’ flower moon
I was pondering what my limits are when it comes to happiness, is there a well, a reservoir, a certain limit to my good nature and how exactly does that work? I thought about how some days my fuse is quite short but others not so much, do we possess…
a quotient of happiness ?
I quite imagine it is like a little jar, with some iridescent red fluid, stocked with a various amount any given day (maybe I grew up playing too many RPGs, fair point), regardless, this is what I visualize in my mind, what a grand thing it would be to know how much happiness I had in stock for the day before I stumbled out on the world, I might mete it out better or more copiously (depending – supply/demand happiness economics 101), this visceral representation in the mind might lend to a more balanced me, after all, especially on Mondays, I certainly could use an IV of good tidings to start the week, but how might I fill this heart container once drained? what if I set out to dream of happiness as I lay down at night? and how might I accomplish such a thing? counting smiling sheep perhaps? having Ed McMahon confirm that I may have already won 10 million dollars? a tropical island? a date with Drew Barrymore? maybe none of those things, maybe the key is just thinking about the subject at all, power through consideration, a mental reminder to recharge the resource for the good of all, I think I will give it a whirl, what’s the harm, although a smile to the next passing car does not seem to return the same… I’ll smile anyway.
apparently I am not the only one to ponder this particular conundrum, as a simple web search brought up the following…
if I only knew what I was getting into! seven steps… and here I thought I was all clever mcDavey with my little flask analogy like Legend of Zelda… hmmph. oh well, whatever the case may be, be happy.
So here I sit, halfway through May, 70! seventy seems like such a magical number, a threshold, perhaps mental or winter weary, just 24 mere hours ago I thought about penning the misery of a cold “unforgiving” rain, one that seemed keen to rob me of my day off, I can almost taste them now, in spring, days off, the promise of all the things I love to do outdoors crushed by the cruel scheduling of Mother Nature, but at least, for this moment, I can bask in this, especially after the tides of rain of late, my lawn certainly looks greener than I recall, my Japanese maple is invading the walking path to my door, taunting me to dust off my trimmer, my various bamboo plots are literally jumping out of the ground (not always where planned), the smell of a fresh cut lawn hits me, my neighbor has one of those do-it-all riding mowers and pretty much does my whole yard without a word, who am I to contest? our interactions at best are usually just the nod as I drive past in the morning to work, he’s a good guy, a family man, two kids, he and his wife have the same first name, some sort of cultural thing, “han”, I refer to them as Han Duo, and they get the joke, he invites me to his pool sometimes, I usually decline, at least, I have in the past, I see two asian indian girls walking up the street, I have seen them before, I always wonder about people’s stories, one of them is usually wearing some Rutgers schwag, I don’t know much more than that, or what house they are from, I used to know everyone up and down, but things are different now, or so I am told or so I experience, the day moon stands prominent just above the clouds, shaded in the same color of blue somehow, I’m sure there is some scientific explanation, but I’ll just take awe and contemplation as sustenance for now, maybe this is a perfect segment of time
no perceptible wind, seventy degrees, the sun is nearly down and certainly no longer in my sights, insects are not yet quite in season (although there are a few outliers but certainly not sipping mosquitoes), I try and listen to the stillness of it all and wish to internalize the sum, capture it, stow it away for future use, rare are the days that allergies do not cripple my olfactory line, this is one of those times, where I can feel the expression of all my senses full, I do not bemoan my condition, it is a mere penance compared to many before and gone, and even, perhaps, a too familiar friend all these years, my iris are in full bloom which most likely is a sure sign my daffodils are quite gone, I do not have the will to go look at the scene of the natural crime, why kill the mood? even the uneven sound of clamoring garbage bins being dragged out to the curb does not top the bird call competition, common birds but still a remarkable collection, and there is quite the mic battle, but, they seem almost like children trying to get the last word in, before the night, in between light
perhaps that is a better way to think of the dark.
Groovy, hypnotic bass line, kind of like Doors meets the Beatles.
(this is part of my porch series… an ongoing exploration of the same thing at different times but with the same mind, this one, all thoughts, comments, questions and likes are all appreciated, thanks.)
“guardian“ am I an observer in your hall a light embedded in the wall a light post to light your way around the corners to banish shadows so you might step confidently forward and around vigilant in my stay my light always upon you from my place of servitude unnoticed, I bow to you if only to light your way forward for you may be on your way in safe good light my light underfoot
notes… this can be taken a few ways, literal (as a light), a guardian angel, or also someone who works in the background for the betterment of someone else. How you take it is your decision but I wanted to articulate all it meant to me when I wrote it today, in a fever dream, ok, when I was chilling out and listening to the classical station on my TV…
music… maybe my post makes more sense that I was listening to this… (and usually I hate operas)
pasture and lawn reprieve: for now I see verdant swaths risen up from fallow flocks the world has turned to bloom life rides forward toward inevitable doom casting seeds upon the whim land and cone over the ground within carry on, to catch the sun oh dear mother, carry on
notes… written in my car 5/4 (yeah Star Wars day ya geeks…), rewritten tonight (I did make changes), here is the original as written (I want to be honest and show my true process):
pasture and lawn reprieve: for now I see verdant swaths risen up from fallow flocks the world has turned to bloom and life roars forward against that inevitable doom casting seeds upon the whim land and cone over the ground within carry on, to catch the sun oh dear mother, carry on
so the thrust of the poem is the same but I like my changes, it more reflects what I wanted to convey.
I post unfinished work(s) from time to time, I call them my orphans, sometimes you need to fess up to who you are, I am imminently bad at going back and finishing works, they either finish in the moment… or I abandon them, so here are some of those (just dumping them off on a Saturday night), my hope is someone finds some value in them and maybe inspires them to do something, the underlying inspiration was there… but something else caught my eye and they are just…
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1.28.19 “an ode” oh clear blue sky not even a cloud in sight there is nothing to contain just breathe the even still
2.26.19 (meditation) like a technicolor jellyfish spinning and shimmering, pulsing blasting off with the tail stalk of a nuclear bomb bursting upwards at impossible speed into the out reach atmospheric breach
2.27.19 I was born to be with you but I ruined destiny turned my head on fate and I have never fully recovered and so I dwell
3.17.2019 in discussions with my self on the terms of my psyche inner voices around the table adversarial arbitration a split decision
3.19.19 on a beach ghost crabs are afraid of me
4.19.2019 splinters of spiders made can be mended wholly broken glass can not be repaired only reformed
5.6.2019 I search through my feelings and you are always there I search around my home and you are not there, anymore
notes… that’s it, nothing else tonight. Comments are always appreciated because I can always hear my voice but I need to hear yours…
“sight“ I remain unnoticed over here residing in the shadow of a vase for the flowers capture eyes
notes… not everything needs to be draped in the majesty of mystery, but even in the simple things, around the corner we can not see, nor anticipate, wood floors, plain paint walls, there in resides mystery and sprinkles of intrigue in the mundane, simplicity
Dye RE: entry #1 (how I color the world and the world colors me) a construction cone made me smile this morning, driving over the snake hill bridge, manhattan on the horizon (said photo for context), I am just this little piece moving through all this madness, and I visualize that I am a thousand feet above looking at the spectacle below, all the moving parts of this little corner of the world, an intersection of conjunctions, in a quasi-parade, it almost looks like cells bustling about in an artery, all moving in some strange sense of unison, this is the way things have to be, with or without me, I am just this little piece in this clockwork existence, am I even alive? does it even matter? so how can I be upset by the little chatter, the small perceived slights that occur to my particular bubble, people cutting me off, someone doing their makeup almost running me into the median, and I look over at the closed lane, you know, the one causing an inferno of frustration among the local inhabitants, and something just washes over me, relief? release? a combination of the intoxication of belief ? perhaps… I just smiled, and felt free, I wish I could bottle the sensation honestly, so pure, and uplifting, I wish I could reside in that space for awhile longer, the freedom or realization of perception, being out of myself but yet fully aware, and I feel it now just some fifteen minutes past, but yet as I pulled up to my office, I knew it would not last, I tried to hold on, but the familiar pulled down, the doubts and common troubles never left, they just took a seat for a breath, is this what “living in the moment” is? such a vague term I never really pursued to converse with it, but I have to admit, the sense of well being was a sure as the seat I am parked in right now, typing these words.
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post: this morning, after reading an article yesterday, I decided to take a cold shower, well, that is not 100% accurate, I decided to experiment a touch based on the article, the piece dealt with the Wim Hof method, while I am not some yoga/spiritual guru, or adherent to a specific religious belief I am willing to give things a serious listen and the occasional try should it pique my particular interests, since your body dealing with cold is essentially a reflex I thought it might have merit to give it the ole whirl, I mean, after all, a cold shower is not going to kill you, it certainly is not pleasant but many things are not so… what the hell, why not? Let me be the first to say that standing in a really cold shower for two full minutes on it’s face seems like nothing daunting whatsoever, what can I tell you, try it, the response is certainly interesting, your breathing changes dramatically, interesting to see how things happen automatically when you are observing and not just experiencing, I lasted 30 seconds, this is not a contest so I am not gauging results, no medals to be awarded, I am admittedly refreshed this morning, is it just the cold shower? I don’t know but I have to say I feel pretty good today, so I might try it some more.
“has sprung“ my eyes are alight in this may day light so celebrate, and rejoice, my heart bursts blooming in this time of spring so celebrate, the rebirth, my soul is awash in promise planted whispers now call forth from budding branch so celebrate, this time of renewal of growth, of possibility the tide of optimism carried on the wind in the calls of the woods on the grasses of the plains, joyous exposition from within to bear down all walls the explosion of hope upon this earth for this – is spring.
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notes… I am generally a giddy optimist, this would be one of those times, for whatever reason the sun hit my eye the right way, and these words came, as they are, I have been writing more as of late but I don’t have the time to post it all, I’ll get to it, but the funny thing, something I wrote last month seems dated like old milk, maybe because it was in my head fridge for so long it seems mold… life is interesting.
music… going weird on you as usual… this artist is a mix of NIN, techno, chip tunes, metal, and well, all sorts of stuff… so here is a link to the you tube channel:
I saw a black cat cross the path but not the one in front of me a side street still in my view, but I wonder I pause, will my luck fare just the same
notes… I would love to say I am …so… above the odd superstition, but I would be lying, I try to be logical about it but sometimes that is just a scratch you have to itch, perhaps going to lane 12 instead of 13 for EZ-Pass… guilty ! even though I am not a triskaidekaphobiac (truly one of the greatest words in the english vernacular), so this is really a true story in poem form, just me driving home the other night and out of my right eye I spied a black cat (or did I? hmmm?), and somehow this little troll of suspicion of apprehension… of superstition whispered in my ear…
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Music… going with a classic here (and sort of obvious!)
Some Housekeeping notes… I updated my Collections & Series page, linking to my Essays and such, so if you think my poems suck (that’s cool) you can skip to what you like (I am damn accommodating). Also I am in full on Game of Thrones mode on my media page, I tend to write copiously when I am passionate about things. Plus I will review movies/shows you probably never heard of. I have diverse tastes to say the least. So shameless plug #2 (media page!!!). and for the hell of it… more SRV, damn he made that guitar sing, I hope to pull up a chair at his table and have a drink with him when this is all done.