the photo is from the intersection (well, slightly before it) of E 127th st and First Ave in NYC… OK, Anne Leibovitz I am not… but I thought it looked cool and throwing my phone up in an instant isn’t exactly my forte (or a good way to get a composed shot obviously)… but the double lights looked interesting and artsy, so you know, I went for it… But back to my original thought, again, I am always banging the drum we take things around for granted that are certainly strange or cool.. or whatever, one of those things is a park. I have always wanted to steal the sign of this park (as you pass it when you get onto the FDR north from many points in NYC)… well, the park is called (and I ain’t kidding)
now… I understand the sentiment as crack was a plague on inner cities in the 80s… but the execution of the sentiment is utterly amusing to me, and to put said slogan on an official looking park sign is just begging for theft (of same). There is no way some kid playing at crack park even knows what the hell crack is… this is a great example of how the current time (at the time) seems so damn important and permanent… but yet is so fleeting like the spring snow of dandelions blowing through in a window of weeks, and then gone, all life is like that, how do we reconcile that? I’m not sure, I am trying, my mind is grinding on it, to act in the now but also act for the then… we all have the strength within but man it is tiring, I think… especially wrapped up in our daily lives, work, family, love… where does it end? but it does. how do we fit it all in, the more important stuff?
“scattered” 6.3.18
I am ashes
I am shadow
collected dust
disturbed
by the slightest breeze,
I am fallow
a shadow,
wait, I realize
a shadow is caused by substance,
therefore
I must be
no longer
in fact
I am no more
I’m scattered
to the four.
music.. long form tonight folks. to say I am a gamer is sort of a weird thing, I grew up on original NES and arcade stuff, so… I still have all my original systems and love MAME… there is a band that actually plays the soundtracks of classics (I can argue THE classics) while someone plays them… so it hits all my nerd chords to a tee… retro gaming – check, geekdom – check, guitar – check…
I didn’t work my usual marathon today (I didn’t exactly have an easy day mind you) but, I met back up with someone I trained (at a store) two years ago, it was like a time machine, she had that on me, total surprise, she’s young, it is not a thing like that, but sometimes you just run into someone who reminds you of the fire of life, this was one of those moments, in Harlem of all places (when we previously met in Valley Cottage), life is strange, and all circles, maybe I should be more… observant and active in it. Sometimes you just connect with a certain person, for whatever reason, enjoy the moment, they are special, we had that fun and now the universe brought us back together… so damn strange…
That said.. here is some simple thoughts…
8/13/2018
where were you
when you were gone
but more to the heart –
where are you now?
8/13/2018
you are
all the more
I could ever
ask for
NOTE: sort of my groove on Haiku… feel wise.
I have posted this one before, but so what, this is what I am jamming to, you’ll get over it..
Sometimes work saps the sap of life out of me (just jam the damn syrup spigot in my back already)… 2 days into the week and nearly 24 hours of work hours logged can do that, so I am beat like that plastic bag on the highway that keeps getting passed (unmercifully) car to car, under tires, sometimes head on, I feel like I am tumbling out of control head over heels into traffic (why am I programmed to work so damn hard?)… and like that bag I am no good for my (immediate) environment, I want to defuse myself and live… but life is not that simple as my typed words, years of behavior do not unravel and re-learn themselves in the blink of a blog, “it’s a process” … ugg, that almost makes me sick thinking it let alone typing it, but what else can I do ? 360 in a day doesn’t happen, we all love the certain and known (I am surely no exception), but try and step back, well… do step back, sure it will be a bit late most of the time, but not all the time, at least, that is where I am at, I can only speak for me, this one voice, this one vessel filled with all the unique and common experiences, how do we think like anyone else? how can we? is trying enough? or is failing better? Just throwing things, cuffs off and all, just throwing things bouncing my inner walls…
Note: my posts are totally organic (except the poetry when date stamped), tonight I am totally exhausted but writing… it brought me some semblance, I thought about writing nothing, but… the muse took over, so the lesson, move over rover and let the muse take over….
Although my job can be thoroughly frustrating (often) I must admit (begrudgingly) that it does afford me the opportunity to discover/explore/experience all the locales of the local locale (whew, that’s a mouthful), I guess more simply I am thrust into neighborhoods not too far from where I grew up (well, grew up in the physical sense), and said neighborhoods can be interesting little beakers of human experiment. Today I was stuck, ahem, ‘assigned’ to a store in (googling the section where Dykman street is… hold on…) the Inwood section. The history is pretty interesting if you read the Wiki… but there is definitely some gentrification going on here, right around the corner from the store (and storefronts which are clearly Dominican/Puerto Rican) is a little street that is a little booshie… (go to the street side view)… very different from Broadway proper (almost the bronx)… trust me, this will be the new Williamsburg imo (not necessarily a bad thing)… just a little exposition on a neighborhood that will explode, I mean, damn it is right on the Hudson river, easy access to the G-Dub… cmon now…
Anyway, just past the store is this intersection… don’t blame me, blame the city planners…(map) (you might have to click on “larger map”), it is funny that it is a dead end where they meet… let me know if you spot what I spotted… (wink)
and I will be back there tomorrow, so I hope to explore the neighborhood further, but man the pizza (Sicilian) sucked @ tony’s but my co-worker Alex (who is all Rican … Dominican and Puerto mix!) said “what did you expect in a Dominican neighborhood”… damn I am white and stupid… I should stick to the local licks.
continuing my series of just parking my big white butt outside and looking at the small window of the world I can see here in new jersey suburbia. I am a little behind so I am posting two posts that represent two weeks, I am posting tonight’s first (and last week’s just under) because if feels more vital to me, I am trying to carve out the time to post on time, in my head I have a plan but the world seems to disagree with me… often, but I will endeavor to keep doing this project, sort of like the “picture a day” thing people do online, it is revealing, I hope this experiment turns out worth it, if not, well, then it doesn’t… but I am certainly more optimist than not so, with that all said…
9.16.18 (porch series)
this is one of those fall nights
where everything seems the way described in books
the temperature has fallen into comfort
into just cool enough
especially on the back of the memory of an angry blistering summer
(but that even now seems so faraway
weeks wipe memories faster than time can build candles on a cake);
leaves have two lives now
clinging to branches or littering the floor
all from verdant green move to vivid spectrum now
swatches of the dead adorn
but no rebirth can occur without the purge, I know,
this same hour in which I write, is much later now
the ancients association of death with night
the night that approaches and slowly suffocates the daylight
day by day swallowed night by night longer into winter, a descent,
all life is strangled to slumber
each phase of the passing days
subtracts a piece of the orchestra
summer full bloom is certainly a symphony
(or cacophony for some)
but now the year moves to loom on ever still
the lights burn out from the peak fire of life
leaves fall, insects lose their songs
the rain will become hard blocks
but – I should remain in now
not dwell on such dire things
even if I might be quite used to them
why faster should I wish their arrival
for now – enjoy, this nearly flawless night
something of which I might wish I could capture
in a moving minute moment picture
wrapped up in ball of cloth, stuffed in my pocket,
so I might take it out and wrap around
to block out
the whatever “importance” is swirling about,
and come back, to now
sitting here under the hazy crescent moon
drawing deep breaths
exhaling –
to become a component of this night
under the hazy tender glow
of a crescent moon.
9.10.2018 (porch series)
in an instant, seemingly
the summer has given way
already the silent stalk of winter
inhabits the shadows
the rain, once soothing, once relief
now speaks of longer nights
and trades in the rumors of the coming cold
fall it seems is just a balance beam
between, walking along artfully to an inevitable end
the cycle which began will but start again
as is all things
but this is a different matter
to try and capture the unfolding
to observe the obvious march
towards winter’s holding
do I delight? or mourn?
but as yet I know reborn
but there must be, that firstlast kiss of death –
the step that must come before the stairs
before we can resurrect.
Music… dramatic, with classical instruments and modern ones… you might notice patterns, I might call them taste…
not that I ever have a full weekend (rarely), I work 6 days a week (my choice I am not complaining…. ok, a little…), but I still like to think of the relief of the idea of a weekend… the idea sounds so damn nice… but if you follow me you see that I like to post some simpler things on the weekend, or funny things, not everything I post has to be an exposition to impress you or anyone, I aim to entertain to those who like my particular brand of thought (I post almost all my work, good, bad or indifferent), that’s all, as I usually say “with that said…”… so with that said…
“untitled” 4/26/18
hello day moon
I’m told you must signify something
just another thursday
I might imagine
if clouds are mountain tops
you are the king
but not mine
“untitled” 4/26/18
amber ember remember
blazing fire burning hotter,
forget,
why do I keep locked back
to ponder wonder hover,
the past is ash
yet I still grasp
the soot, stains my fingers
the scent, of expired fire
that once was
where now – there is none
“struggle” 4/28/18
cherry blossoms fallen
first line of defense
dandelions spawned
infantry
buds bustle and deploy
out on limbs
but winter always loses
so why try?
like all else
struggle
for every ounce of life
“untitled” 4/28/18
a sunset
how many more sunsets
will I see
how many more
alone
all around
this world is sprouting green
but yet my heart remains mourning
in winter’s captivity
musical amusical a musical, going really classic (legendary imo) on you all…
Do you watch some of the silly tags that come across on the “reader” page here… I do, and sometimes the combos are quite amusing (well, to this jersey boy anyway), just logged in and saw this…
Seems like a flow chart of my life .. Craft Beer (check), go to the psychologist (check), in my happy place (check)… ahhh….. that’s all just a silly post as I am sometimes just a silly goose (this being one of those times if you did not notice)
notes… I think this one is pretty straight on, I was picking at the underlying scab of the ugliness of humanity and money…. am I above it ? I wish I could say I am totally a pauper who lives the life of a monk, but here I am on my $3K laptop posting about greed… as if I am better than anyone (which I am certainly not), stripping yourself of the material is a process, after all, I’m just a material girl… in a material world…
music… again I will wander into the obscure, I can pretty much guaranty you never heard this… but it is pre-korn NIN type stuff, they fizzled out but this song had it all imo… (and no it is not death metal, clean vocals but it is heavy at times…)
Just some rambling last thoughts (or things I forgot as I write my posts whole-cloth from memory on the spot)…
Anna remarked during the show how she does not like to talk (just perform) which sort of is ironic for a lead singer (at least I thought so, but she was in a talkative mood this particular evening – she talked about how they like to tell stories with their songs and origins of the various lyrics, definitely a different vibe than “this is a song about a girl” or whatever…). More importantly she said that the new album is pretty much done (and a new song was ready to be debuted… soon! yay ! If I remember correctly she said the new tune was very complicated so they couldn’t play it yet live. Which makes sense if you know any professional musicians, doing things in a studio is one thing but then learning the new stuff cold to play live is quite the different animal all-together.) Did I mention she plays a friggin’ hurdy gurdy ? That thing looks like it weighs a ton. From a show perspective I thought it was pretty cool that she would hop on the thing (it was on a stand) but then hop off to sing lead / engage the audience. She also broke out a flute… man she makes me feel like a lazy musical bum!
My staked out position happened to be next to 2 black guys (and their girlpal), I only say that because for whatever reason there just generally is not a lot of black people at metal/rock shows. In fact one of the guys remarked “hey, we are the 2 token black people here”… which I found amusing (if you like South Park, think of Token). It got me thinking back to a show I was at ages ago for the BRC (Black Rock Coalition) in NYC. The BRC is pretty interesting I recommend you check them out (for once I would say their Wiki page is pretty accurate). Of course my favorite all time singer is Doug Pinnick and he always wondered about why there is so few black artists/fans in the genre as well (as you could argue that rock and roll itself (and by extension metal) is derived from essentially black music – I don’t want to go to far into the weeds on this right now, maybe another time we’ll have that discussion).
So just a final overview/review… (in case I missed it), this band are total pros man, very tight and obviously well rehearsed, I have seen plenty of “big” bands in my day be a little sloppy or not pay as much attention to detail (lazy from success maybe?).. but Cellar Darling ? nah, they nail it… sure, they have a limited catalog admittedly but I have a good eye (and ear) for these things.
Unfortunately I could not stick around after the show but the band was hanging out interacting with the fans at the merch table… damn, it would be nice to be independently wealthy… but I will settle for mildly comfortable for now…