daily meditation #2…

daily meditation #2…

light landscape nature sky
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Tune for thisSounds from the Ground “Wicked Flow”

I sat there, in too much obviousness, sometimes when you are trying to meditate, or clear your mind, you try to hard, in fact you try, that is the problem, there is the confine of time, I get it, I am the same, I have this confined space to get into my right mind during my lunch break, I like to think of music as a trigger, to allow my mind to linger and then fade into the background, I did not do a good job of it today, I was thinking about an upcoming wedding, a young cousin, the same age when I fell madly in love without the groundwork I have now to understand and worship the ground, I thought I might dedicate a poem to them, some wisdom, from me, the fool, but certainly weathered and known, of course I will cut a check to them as is custom but I would rather do something memorable outside of candelabras and the usual like… I wrote this, perhaps a start, it was my thought at the moment, in the moment, so, why not…

love is
two stones in a brook
where over
the water
perfectly flows
shared experience
coincided time
fate in a window
of all that could have ever been
in billions of ever gone and since
two stones in a brook
side by side

notes…. I hope it makes sense to them, or maybe the ramblings of an older man who may understand or may be reaching for once what was, and perhaps what will be, once again, I hope

today’s meditation…

today’s meditation…

backlit balance beach cloud
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I am no guru or practitioner of any particular faith, belief system or anything of the sort (but I not one to dismiss those things as I once certainly was), today was one of those days at work where everything just seemed LOUD ! (sorry, about the volume, that is), ever have one of those days where every little sound in your office or work environ was more like a jack hammer for your personal amusement, almost a cacophony produced just for your benefit (or to spite specifically you), the phone, the tapping, the door slamming, the laughing, the phone, terrible personal ring tones, the tapping. the door slamming, the phone – will someone get that! all this escalating in a spiral of audio vertigo… ugh, I think you get my drift, so I had to escape to find some good head space, I sneaked off to my car, popped in some tunes (in this case (“Carbon Life Forms – Mos 6581”), FLAC format – I am a nerd, I know, I guess this is meditation, I close my eyes and try to open my mind to whatever will come, sometimes some gnarly psychedelics, but often I think of water (the ocean), as I am trying to clear my mind, not necessarily get to a “happy place” but more or less let my mind wander and empty and see what fills the space, today it had words…

endless waves
stretched out to the horizon
why is it always these times
when the light has not long,
rises in sines
waves formed in perfect lines
motion in curves
amber orange crests to cover,
endless waves
on shore break
I can feel each one, penetrate
as they dissipate into my feet
bottom sand, blanket sense
I wish to lie here forever
for all time
in this
endless waves, this lullaby,
rise risen riding fading
one by one looped film
as one becomes at once billions
and one becomes one with all
the calm
the heartbeat
drawn pace by phases
dampen the path of mortal ambitions
this celestial shore
endless waves
into the forever more.


notes… as usual this is a first draft, I’d love to say I will get back to it… but I probably won’t. this was a moment, and there it is, or was, or something like that.

simple thoughts on a saturday…

simple thoughts on a saturday…

beach dawn dusk ocean
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the weekend, or for those of us who work 6 days, the one day (sunday) is the weekend, it is for relaxation, the old recharge of the batteries as they say, I like to post some simpler thoughts, usually I go back and look through my notes, but this one literally wrote itself as I pulled into my driveway tonight, I scribbled these lines, I must say I liked them immediately, but I am assuredly biased, no lines that change the world, or even the most clever of sprites, just purity of thought for you to consider (your eyes on this post are appreciated)…


“in the sunrise
I see hope
in the sunset
I see dawn

in the light
I see the way
in the night
I see the dream”

*All thoughts, comments, likes, re-posts, crock pot recipes, vitriolic diatribes and pats on the back are all appreciated.  so what do you really think of this life?

moon poem (as I am known to do…)

moon poem (as I am known to do…)

galaxy stars illustration
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on darkest night, the delight

new moon, no shadows
empathy tips, emptied gallows
dance in to the light
when there is none
rejoice in revelries
within this darkest night
and a fool’s cap let luminary rent
a jester’s smile, rapt with content
or even captured, guile of ill intent,
tip the toe on a razor’s blade
the slightest touch, the nimble cut
on the turn, bloody serenade
all in this performed in taste,
all the players a macabre play
in these, these hours
between and hidden, from the very saint of day,
a lover’s glance, brush of cheeks
sneak a kiss or steeling grief,
embraced, entwined
vines wrapped in blooms like braids
silken hair so fine and frayed
across strands lays to the shore
in tides, moor to the harbor
for the night is yet young
and the dance macabre, under new moon
has just begun, to spin
to spin a yarn, to thread the needle
seduction the seamstress
weave connect, bring two people
as sirens out on the open seas
for better a lure to trap a heart
dashing, upon these hidden rocks
shall wreck upon and apart
gladly takes upon the dance
in this land without a moon
sinking ships blithely find their doom.


notes… I might revisit this one, I write off the cuff but I think I can smooth out some of the rhythm here…. but overall I was happy with the way it spat out of my big dumb maw so I posted it anyway as is.  I don’t torture myself over my work, it ‘happens’ and maybe it isn’t sparkling perfection, I’m just not that guy and have not been for some time now, there are some double meanings in there and about, catch them all ?

and as always, thoughts, prayers, comments, likes, diatribes, and pot pie recipes are always appreciated…

Music ? to go with this… yeah, I got that (scrambles to the back of the shop, you hear rustling, pots and pans crashing, screaming in some foreign language, some TV or Radio blaring)… and then shuffling hurried feet back toward the front…

Trees of Eternity – Sinking Ships

April Fool, that I am…

April Fool, that I am…

photography of clown with green hair
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“I am the April fool
although I left in June
regardless of time and prank
of this I am quite sure
of all the empty times
and all the empty laughs
have left me here in jest
in all but quite alone”

the clown cries alone, I am reminded of the line from Watchmen:

“Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor…I am Pagliacci.

notes… I started this blog one year ago, on April Fool’s day for a reason, I am trying not to be the fool I was for so many years which led me to leave the one I truly loved in a way that broke me in more ways than one, I wrote this poem just now completely in whole cloth, earlier today I was questioning my creative spark, I suppose all writers do, sure, I have been nutty busy with work, 12 hour days back to back but yet I feel I neglect this blog… silly really, I know that in terms of knowing but in terms of reality, maybe not so much, if I wilted away in the next hour into nothing the world would not care, but I should, and that should be my focus going forward, and going forward is the point, I need to drop this yoke of my past, but I am just not past it yet, I worry for her and the life I left, it is not my responsibility nor has it been for some time, but… always the damn ‘but’, I am a fool, people move on and could care less about an ex, but something about our love has hooks in my heart that I have not been able to remove, guilt, shame, regret, all players, hard to shed but I know I have to.  I have grown this past year, so solace in that thought, not enough, I am an impatient lot… I know myself well, but still frustrate myself.

sometimes you pause.

sometimes you pause.

deadbirdnearwork

upon a dead bird

I did not know your name
or your song
or how long
you have been gone

for I missed you my friend
your peak in flight
now laid here
on unmarked ground
to never know
your voice
or of your sound
your sweet repertory
rests in silence now
the wind animates plumes
like half staff flags
placed upon
this earthen tomb

so for this moment
I take pause
wish you safe passage
into that good night.


notes… we have all seen the occasional dead animal here and there, not sure why this struck me to write, it just did, so,  maybe because I walk by this spot everyday to the office door and notice the little local flocks of birds in their home among the local planted landscaping bushes surrounding what becomes my home most of the time to be honest.  You get used to the little one scratching out existence in this urban-ish environment (Hackensack is very commercial and has the most polluted river in the country).  I cherish my little friends, they help center me, on a bad day, I can walk outside among the cigarette butt ‘garden’ and see how nature deals with everything, it just does, with blind ambition, and there might be a lesson there, if I wasn’t some dumb human.

person holding round smiling emoji board photo
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and as always, any thoughts, critical barbs, long diatribes, structural critiques, letters of hate written using the blood of virgins… all is appreciated if not encouraged even.  I do this to hone my craft and myself, and unfortunately I can not escape this form as currently constructed, so I have to rely on outside forces for feedback, as confident as I am I only know mostly everything… (wink)

the comfort of guilt.

the comfort of guilt.

selective focus photography of skeleton
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“my sin is stone
bearing upon my bones
I wish this was a story I read
and not the one I wrote”


notes… sometimes I dwell, I wish I was a dumb moron, a dump truck who could just tilt back and leave a pile of dirt behind, but I am just not wired that way, I wish I was an electrician so I might fix myself… but what else would I screw up in the process?

music?  even on this topic… I am going light and fun here…

Scatterbrain – I’m with Stupid

(pay attention to the words, OK stupid)

a simple thought about, well, everything.

a simple thought about, well, everything.

landscape sky night rocks
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“the theory of everything,
a flash of light
and then the ending”


written 3/19, sometimes I like to distill things into base ingredients, this would be one of those times.

music… to groove by…put on your buds (or better yet pump up the home system to feel the bass in your people space)

Sounds from the Ground – brightwhitelight (full album)

hubris.

hubris.

brown concrete cathedral
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reflection

you warned me
but I came anyway
still unprepared
and by the furies
down the phoenix rain
molten bullets perforate
penetrate my mental armor
leaving searing, smoking, holes
and I thought myself ready
to bear out my soul
false bravado is a fire of cold
fear would have been a sharper advisor
but the time has passed for that
as an empire is in ruins
littered, broken doric plumes, in uneven piles
with no fiddle to play
or gambit to last
I’ve lost, in pyres reflect
here in the hopeless corners
of the darkest men

regrets (about love lost)…

regrets (about love lost)…

broken car vehicle vintage
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I wish I could tell you
how well I have come along
without you,
of a life fulfilled

I wish I could tell you
my decision was wrong,
all those years ago,
half my humanity gone
I pray you have fared better
and forgotten my name

I wish I could tell you
my love still endures
but, the hour is late
and time has passed over this house
I have never forgiven
myself

if only
a decision made with two,
I close my eyes
to conceal all this from my sight
if only I could tell you –
you were ever the only one

one day
I will pass from this earth
I wish only
to be by your side
transformed into light
with you, my eternal love
with you, once and final more


music…

Minus the Bear – Last Kiss

that says it all my friends… (this poem written 3/6, thinking about her… while listening to this song)