Thoughts from the porch… (stream of consciousness)

Thoughts from the porch… (stream of consciousness)

caught-in between

this was not a day of summer, this was not a day of spring, this is not a day of well, anything… like a dew drop in a spider’s web, a captive but not the intention, I can see the trees swaying to a breeze that seems to be ignoring me, as if I am not here, as if I didn’t matter, or I didn’t get the part to this play, or a ticket to the audience even, like watching a performance in an aquarium, all the action on one side of the glass, not the one I’m on, the sky, no the sky to the ground, the air herself has been grey all day, not a hope, not a peek, not a sliver of anything other than, a stagnant lukewarm humidity hangs like a mildewed coat on a nail in a dingy forgotten corner of the garage, stale, not sure if this is drizzle, or just fog a little more organized, waiting for the break, rain or shine, but none comes, not a promise or even a hint, a rut, somewhere-in between, the day drags as hours run backwards toward dawn, for eve and morn seem one long sordid line, is this lunch or dinner time? am I vain? or a vane of the weather, a bell-weather, drawn into the consciousness of this local universe I call my locale, my home, my square yard carved out, my dome, this globe, a drone, and I am lulled into the zone, so many things to do, of such little importance, but the engine must go on, so I am told, by some soothsayer or taskmaster inside my soul, for even optimism sometimes spills a glass, milk perhaps, not to shed a tear but to prove a point over a pint, lacrimonius harmony, so here I am feeling yet left outside of all but clearly in the web – like a ad-hoc-hammock for those passing through…

notes… the photo is mine, proof positive you need to pause at times, this morning was strange, and the day, as I said, but I allowed my eye, or the world hooked me, to see the webs catching dew just outside my front door, a walk I take at least two times a day or mostly more, so today, I did not look for the spiders, because why? I know they are there by the traps they provide…

the prospect of rain.

the prospect of rain.

Photo by Sourav Mishra on Pexels.com

(a stream of consciousness post)

on the prospect of rain, and mood, and timing, I guess this is like all things, glass half empty, glass half full, deciding which side you are on, as a rule, or as the wind blows they say, ‘they’ who always remain unnamed but seem to have so much sway on the every day being referenced constantly and all, rain – rain in march calling for the coming may, of course the old glory april showers, but today, straddling the boundary between winter and neigh, I am enamored with the prospect of rain, a cleanse, not quite the divinity of a baptism, more like an old school car wash with a bucket and hose, just to wash down this last bit of snow, well, what was once snow, more like a sullied mass of garbage rolled cotton swabs swiped with black shoe polish, maybe the world is always this dirty, just we didn’t notice until the white magnet of snow stuck around on the ground for a week or more, even surviving a temperature soar into the seventies, damn snow, damn snow is stubborn indeed, a seed of the wretched winter itself, a snarling old man in the beat up house down the block by this time in it’s life cycle, without a care, in some withering chair fibers bent and spent, trying to snatch every bit of breath and air until the time has come to move out, in time for a sunny condo to sprout up into the summer dance, yes, I am wishing for rain, on this somewhat dreary day, a grey day, a nice soaking rain, a gateway to that next phase, to see a curbside tide racing toward the corner drain, somedays, most days, I might wish for sun – not today.

slide…

slide…

(a stream of consciousness post)

slide…

the way to calm the mind, we all have our buttons, as much as I try, as much as I know myself, I still slide down that path to frustration and anger, mostly with the way other people deal with world, anathema is the word, and regardless of my self control, of my trying to accept and understand, slide, but how far is the goal I’ve found, this is not a fight you can actually win, you are the culprit within, but there is a tool for your reprisal, realization, to float back and observe the situation, focus on something bright, something other, something light, pause, the proverbial deep breath to brave the storm (as it shall pass).
slide…
so I step outside, literally and figuratively, find something else to focus on, to center on, to bring back myself to center being, and yes, even in this smothering cold winterness of near silence, providence shall provide, if you just look, and not nearly long did I spy, my own private glacier does flow, in front of my eyes, or at least a sculpture made in the random ways of the world, for four billion years this took, and here it is, presented, just for me, to remark inside at the wonder, I know the chemistry, but the random miracal-ity is what overflows within me, joy rising, now my trance, tracing down the droplets as they travel methodically down the form, around the horns, the strange angles, the sound of the drips that make their way to the ground off ends, tapping on the backs of others of their kind they have now found, and those that froze, to become those delicate tips, mocking gravity herself – for now, and all the little rays of light, bouncing in and around, suddenly my slide, the slide… is no where to be found.