observations from the porch…

observations from the porch…

(my series is over a year old now, I’m so proud, well, I was glad to survive the winter, and still write through it, to be fair it was an easy winter by all standards)

beautiful beauty blue bright
Photo by James Wheeler on Pexels.com

I must readily admit that the visuals this evening, are… well… not particularly inspiring, my neighbor must have guests as cars line the street announcing there is a party at that location, there is no raucous sounds, and this is not some holiday I know of, perhaps a birthday or anniversary I suppose, what dominates my eyes is the lines, the data and power lines running perpendicular and parallel held up with power poles planted, the human string section of technology, like sign posts of humanity, at least the buds on trees have begun to poke, so easy to spot upon what seems fruitless spines for ages now, but not much else is stirring, so I decide to concentrate on what is.
I close my eyes and this does provide, a requiem of sound…

in this meeting place, where certainly man has dominion, but forever, nature waits, quite benevolent in a sense but still base elemental, waiting for the slip of one little finger, holding back from the dam, through that crack will purge the world of man again, for the dam is forever cracking, we just take solace in our dominance no matter how ultimately precarious.
robins engaged in an endless twitter battle, at times I think I can distill some meaning, perhaps glean a sentiment or two, but I am a reaching fool, for there is no rosetta stone for these fellows, the distant train horn sounds distant but I actually know exactly where the crossing is, the horn does not recall the slick silver boxes of now, it is bathed in nostalgia, or perhaps the filter of my mind, the sound is more of dreams, or movies, an eruption of steam bellows rise, and that gutteral scream of a great whistle, the veritable choo choo, the supreme romance in that, of leaving the station,
either being left behind or now onward to your destination.

simple thoughts on a saturday…

simple thoughts on a saturday…

beach dawn dusk ocean
Photo by Sebastian Voortman on Pexels.com

the weekend, or for those of us who work 6 days, the one day (sunday) is the weekend, it is for relaxation, the old recharge of the batteries as they say, I like to post some simpler thoughts, usually I go back and look through my notes, but this one literally wrote itself as I pulled into my driveway tonight, I scribbled these lines, I must say I liked them immediately, but I am assuredly biased, no lines that change the world, or even the most clever of sprites, just purity of thought for you to consider (your eyes on this post are appreciated)…


“in the sunrise
I see hope
in the sunset
I see dawn

in the light
I see the way
in the night
I see the dream”

*All thoughts, comments, likes, re-posts, crock pot recipes, vitriolic diatribes and pats on the back are all appreciated.  so what do you really think of this life?

Driving Home Meditation (thoughts)

Driving Home Meditation (thoughts)

shallow focus photography of water droplets
Photo by Artem Saranin on Pexels.com

This april shower feels more like a november rain, the gentle rapping of manicured fingertips sounding on my windshield, not a down pour by any means, just enough rain to confuse my intermittent wiper instincts, back and forth, back and… forth, forth, back, I settle in medium, I scan the radio digital dial, rise my eyes north and traffic is negotiating with a halt, I keep my foot set to brake, I settle on the classical channel, on comes a violin concerto by mozart, it does not seem to matter which one, tail lights flare and glow, diffused and suspended in this wet prism, organized embers from a thousand volcanoes sizzle just above ground level, and the world seems, to…, slow down, like a well made movie, the musical score underneath sets the tone, the rotating yellow beacon of the tow truck reaches across three lanes, like a lighthouse that has arrived too late, I feel calm, then passing past the scene ups the pace, perhaps this music has me held in a trance, my thoughts drift and float away from the sea of red angry eyes, in fact, they seem more now like a string of xmas lights curling around this asphalt pine,
and inevitably my thoughts wander, to her, wondering what she is doing, if she is merely ok, knowing I can do nothing about it either way, a helplessness not ameliorated by my own guilt or shame of actions, I am cursed with a superb memory, I recall most all things, words, deeds, moments, the feel, that moment the morning I left, that gentle kiss to your forehead, the day my hope became terminal, these are my own monuments hewn by my hands, my own doing, whether that is good, bad or mightily indifferent, matters not in this hour or ever, sometimes the punch of this inflicts an illicit reaction of tears, sometimes a wry smile, sometimes a sheer bathing in the warmth of light, of joy, of rejoicing, I realize, for some never get the chances I have had, I know this, but the road I have chosen certainly has taken a toll and the miles long, long ago.   You are still and will always be the most beautiful woman in the world to me, even if the chance to say so has been lost to time.
(concerto ends, radio host interjects with some not so clever quip)
another accident over there, in the express lane, another tow truck on the right shoulder, amber lights spinning, I am back to the real world, driving home, under a sky with no stars, a bleak mess I think, and then… it stirs,
“but I have to believe, I must believe
– there is hope in all things,
I am alive.”


Notes… I wrote this like many things, in my head while driving, literally on the go literature (reciting the lines and ideas in my head like a mantra), scribbled down in my journal at the clark rest stop, in the rain, and somehow it made me feel a little more sane, at least for a time.  There is always hope… I hope.

music… time to chill out/meditate and turn up the bass ! check it…

Sounds from the Ground – Marshmello

*all thoughts, comments, criticism, questions (and spanish rice recipes)… are ALL appreciated my friends, thanks for the look either way even if you think I suck, I can only be me G…

moon poem (as I am known to do…)

moon poem (as I am known to do…)

galaxy stars illustration
Photo by Free Nature Stock on Pexels.com

on darkest night, the delight

new moon, no shadows
empathy tips, emptied gallows
dance in to the light
when there is none
rejoice in revelries
within this darkest night
and a fool’s cap let luminary rent
a jester’s smile, rapt with content
or even captured, guile of ill intent,
tip the toe on a razor’s blade
the slightest touch, the nimble cut
on the turn, bloody serenade
all in this performed in taste,
all the players a macabre play
in these, these hours
between and hidden, from the very saint of day,
a lover’s glance, brush of cheeks
sneak a kiss or steeling grief,
embraced, entwined
vines wrapped in blooms like braids
silken hair so fine and frayed
across strands lays to the shore
in tides, moor to the harbor
for the night is yet young
and the dance macabre, under new moon
has just begun, to spin
to spin a yarn, to thread the needle
seduction the seamstress
weave connect, bring two people
as sirens out on the open seas
for better a lure to trap a heart
dashing, upon these hidden rocks
shall wreck upon and apart
gladly takes upon the dance
in this land without a moon
sinking ships blithely find their doom.


notes… I might revisit this one, I write off the cuff but I think I can smooth out some of the rhythm here…. but overall I was happy with the way it spat out of my big dumb maw so I posted it anyway as is.  I don’t torture myself over my work, it ‘happens’ and maybe it isn’t sparkling perfection, I’m just not that guy and have not been for some time now, there are some double meanings in there and about, catch them all ?

and as always, thoughts, prayers, comments, likes, diatribes, and pot pie recipes are always appreciated…

Music ? to go with this… yeah, I got that (scrambles to the back of the shop, you hear rustling, pots and pans crashing, screaming in some foreign language, some TV or Radio blaring)… and then shuffling hurried feet back toward the front…

Trees of Eternity – Sinking Ships

April Fool, that I am…

April Fool, that I am…

photography of clown with green hair
Photo by Genaro Servín on Pexels.com

“I am the April fool
although I left in June
regardless of time and prank
of this I am quite sure
of all the empty times
and all the empty laughs
have left me here in jest
in all but quite alone”

the clown cries alone, I am reminded of the line from Watchmen:

“Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor…I am Pagliacci.

notes… I started this blog one year ago, on April Fool’s day for a reason, I am trying not to be the fool I was for so many years which led me to leave the one I truly loved in a way that broke me in more ways than one, I wrote this poem just now completely in whole cloth, earlier today I was questioning my creative spark, I suppose all writers do, sure, I have been nutty busy with work, 12 hour days back to back but yet I feel I neglect this blog… silly really, I know that in terms of knowing but in terms of reality, maybe not so much, if I wilted away in the next hour into nothing the world would not care, but I should, and that should be my focus going forward, and going forward is the point, I need to drop this yoke of my past, but I am just not past it yet, I worry for her and the life I left, it is not my responsibility nor has it been for some time, but… always the damn ‘but’, I am a fool, people move on and could care less about an ex, but something about our love has hooks in my heart that I have not been able to remove, guilt, shame, regret, all players, hard to shed but I know I have to.  I have grown this past year, so solace in that thought, not enough, I am an impatient lot… I know myself well, but still frustrate myself.

Variations on a theme (find the interesting in the mundane)

Variations on a theme (find the interesting in the mundane)

Just the side street next to my office, a day moon, a night moon (happened to be one of the blood moons we had this year), and… the street light masquerading as a moon in my view.  I find some pleasure in the aesthetic of mundane things, ‘finding beauty wherever I may go’ has become sort of a motto for me, or a mantra, or a mental exercise that really helps, walk outside, regardless of how urban your situation, there are birds, squirrels, bugs and all sorts of life making a go of it with no self reflection getting in the way, I am jealous of this purity and aim to inject it into my daily reality, it’s simple – to say but like all else the bones are in the execution of same.

driving around the ole town…

driving around the ole town…

barb wires barrier billboard building
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

available for lease
I remember this place
I always meant to stop in
but never did,
cause and consequence.


notes… things change, this much we know, but do we? We feel like we are going to live forever, that all existence is now because of our presence, perhaps that is the spark of life deep down?  I wrote this passing by this farmer”s market/garden store I have driven by thousands of times on route 27 in Edison, I guess I didn’t learn my lesson, after all the Parsonage Diner just down the street is now a Rite Aid for some time… I can remember so many nights rolling up on that dinner at some ungodly hour after a night of doing quite ungodly things, sure, Jersey is the land of diners, we have an over representation, but this was OUR diner, kind of the last landmark, the shore, the safety point of going home, the edge of the neighborhood after excursions into New Brunswick or Princeton or beyond… what’s the point? ah… you get it.

the comfort of guilt.

the comfort of guilt.

selective focus photography of skeleton
Photo by Chris Mitchell on Pexels.com

“my sin is stone
bearing upon my bones
I wish this was a story I read
and not the one I wrote”


notes… sometimes I dwell, I wish I was a dumb moron, a dump truck who could just tilt back and leave a pile of dirt behind, but I am just not wired that way, I wish I was an electrician so I might fix myself… but what else would I screw up in the process?

music?  even on this topic… I am going light and fun here…

Scatterbrain – I’m with Stupid

(pay attention to the words, OK stupid)

regrets (about love lost)…

regrets (about love lost)…

broken car vehicle vintage
Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com

I wish I could tell you
how well I have come along
without you,
of a life fulfilled

I wish I could tell you
my decision was wrong,
all those years ago,
half my humanity gone
I pray you have fared better
and forgotten my name

I wish I could tell you
my love still endures
but, the hour is late
and time has passed over this house
I have never forgiven
myself

if only
a decision made with two,
I close my eyes
to conceal all this from my sight
if only I could tell you –
you were ever the only one

one day
I will pass from this earth
I wish only
to be by your side
transformed into light
with you, my eternal love
with you, once and final more


music…

Minus the Bear – Last Kiss

that says it all my friends… (this poem written 3/6, thinking about her… while listening to this song)

some simple thoughts today.

some simple thoughts today.

garden sunset sunrise lens flare
Photo by Anders Kristensen on Pexels.com

A rare saturday off for me, I must admit I slept in (I love laying in bed listening to binaural beats as nature rages outside whipping across the bamboo I planted making such a specific sound), I am a big believer in recharging batteries of the self, especially since I work 6 days a week and more than 9 hours a day usually, what sucks is friday peeked @ 70 degrees but today? not so much… barely 40’s, what a tease, but it was warm enough this afternoon to sit outside, let the dog roll around in the yard (man she hates to be clean), and sit and just let the breeze wash over me, let the sun warm me enough to be out there, watch the birds, try to sound locate the calls of the familiar ones, and for once I just did voice memos into my phone, so here they are….

“those pure of heart
but grave of experience
are doomed to make mistakes”

“tangled wind chimes
only sound
in the strongest winds”

“the songbirds call
against the coming of the night
for soon they will be silent”


notes… like my last post these are haiku to me, at least in spirit, I clearly have no control of the muse, she comes to me in all forms, I admit I have fear I will lose the talent to write, there are times I think what the hell will I write next? and some panic there, but the muse, so far has been fair and keeps delivering the mail to this address.

music (says a me)…

Cellar Darling – Death

so I am totally partial to Anna’s vocals… after seeing this band live I was just sold down the river as a silly fanboy…