before I got into my car this morning, for my lovely (read: awful) commute, I paused and thought how empty I feel at the moment, I shouldn’t of course, there is nothing wrong, I have breath, I am alive, things are better than average and much better than most, I wander to ponder on how to not feel such things, I begin to think of symbols that might renew hope in life, the opposite of despair, to live in joy with a dash of exuberance, so I think of symbols I might wear, like those crosses or stars, I wonder if those charms do the trick, if there is even a trick, surely we can not be full of joy and exuberance all of the time, but why not try, at least most of the time, there are far worse goals in life, I struggle to find the symbol I can adorn that will be a reminder when worn, “hey buddy, you are alive, life is good, smile”, or something more poetic and high minded but the refrain will remain the same in end meaning, sometimes I concentrate and imagine I can feel the world’s energy flowing into me, sort of like a reverse fountain of energy, like drawn out magnetic poles, I imagine it can replenish me or allow me to share in all that is good in the world, of course such meditation of thought only lasts for a bit, like all else so not permanent, and I wonder if I am stealing a bit of nature’s thunder like some sort of psychic vampire or something more sinister as I try to siphon the life force from the world, because intention is not always the answer and has consequences beyond, but then I come to consider the whole mind boggling size of the universe and I suppose my little request at the forever elixir is not to much to impose, as we all do at some point, but how will I ever know? I guess one day if there is a ledger, and my deeds are so written, I will have to measure up, seems daunting but who knows what that reality will require, if anything, until then I endeavor to find a wellspring, a source, a way to embrace and exude… joy and exuberance.
Your thoughts, comments, eyes and looks are all appreciated. We are only here a short time, take a breath and always remember that… or at least try…
“might I come to understand the composition of joy like an alchemist to turn the basest of thought to that of golden bliss”
“the exposition of joy”
I had a good amount of time on my hands this morning (quite unexpectedly), as my usually terrible commute was especially more awful this morning (to the Nth degree), for the life of me I do not understand why an accident @ 1:40 in the morning impacts my commute @ 9am… clearly something is off, but anyway, enough with my complaining, as I said I was pondering the world, our earth, the pearl of this solar system as it were, looking out at my not so remarkable field of vision, and just a feeling of calm passed over me, as I watched some random flags flowing on some random bridge bisecting the turnpike, all the infinite things that had to occur in the billions of years of this universe for this moment to become a possibility, is this bliss? No. But what is? I wonder about the material composition of joy (if there is such a thing). We know we have a limited time parking our butts on this sphere but are we aware? What is the DNA of joy? Is it walking outside on a rolling grey day? I say “rolling grey” because that is how the clouds look right now, almost as if we were on the floor of the ocean, looking up, and watching the waves roll over, in some way we are under that ocean even if only atmosphere, the ocean of air, is this accepting fate, feeling my place in this great debate of atoms ? or am I swimming in waters with too much depth, after all I am just sitting here, in my car, on my way to work, the most common of things, but how many would trade places with me? right now? so surely I should have joy, in all this, in all things, regardless of the point, or my feelings, I need to channel this, because what is the alternative?
Notes: this was written back on wednessday, I had off today for the first time in almost two weeks, so, yes I was busy and neglecting my little corner of the multiverse here lately. So anyone who read this, thanks, I hope it helps or inspires or at least makes your third toe itch. thanks.