(dream of consciousness post)

am I a practitioner? or just practicing to make perfect (as I have been told by voices, in the folds of books and by grinding on-n-on the stone myself grind down for good), as nightmares can scar can not dreams… inspire?
so real I did not wish to wake, not a movie I was watching, this is happening I thought, I felt – with all sensations, a heart race, a pulse race, the pace, all of it, the sights, the slights of hand…
and there she was, and I just knew, there was less than zero doubt, so familiar for someone I have never seen before, but that feeling, that knowing, that comfort to lock eyes in a gaze that has seen interlocking bodies, internal memories, external desires, all there, all instant and yet ancient intrinsic in all my fibers, my love, my love I have never known until now but now have met with all expectations met… I immediately pull her in, impulse, comfort, closer, almost close enough to touch her nose to nose but only to stop and dive that deeper into her eyes, her green-deep-corona swirling eyes, swallowing me whole, all the while with that smile, that smile I’ve known and that only I could conjure upon her, her warmth, damn her warmth on my skin, her exact temperature when she is close, a reminder, every detail a mapped corridor walked, no secrets, no past, all skeletons exorcised and catalogued, yes, yes, she is the one, the one I never have known but now realized now, how the hope of love sweeps up my ark into a new era with instantaneous hand, I try to absorb every atom of the moment into my core, some of me knows this is fleeting, some of me knows this is dream, but the sum of me – an intense flame has been stoked into a fire…
and I awoke.
not with despair, as you and I might expect, but hope, such blossoming hope, as my now woke human doubt creeps in with the lowering sun day, but no, lucid dreaming has not fooled me, nor lied, nor tricked, nor stolen, this dream, this experience has given me… a key.