the unwitting knot, how not to, a guide perhaps…

the unwitting knot, how not to, a guide perhaps…

gray trunk green leaf tree beside body of water
Photo by Daniel Watson on Pexels.com

we choose the daily spiritual nutrients we pull up from our roots and feed into our trunks… and when these avenues of nourishment are polluted does it not travel into the the outer leaves on display for those eyes that might come upon our grove, does the reflection in our bark reveal the underpinnings coursing through our veins, for the truly vane may think not, but certainly, what we choose to allow into our inner sanctum at once becomes the base of the exterior statement, so what’s the point tree boy you might ask? fair enough, I was off for a week, as a treat scrap thrown floorward down to me from the table of my work overlords, reality changes so quickly, how quickly I succumb to a routine of lounging, feet up, admiring the view out by the lake, or just the mountains in general, no where to be, no appointments, just the minor distraction as to where to dine that evening, or just sit and ponder some more, and more, I try to encapsulate those moments, take them in, take them back with me to that other reality, this monday’s reality, all anew with my shiny relaxed post vacation armor, confident I will not be beaten back by the hordes of circumstance I anticipate will befell me, what cruel beasts of work reality await me, what madness has been waiting not so patiently by my cubicle to ambush me, and in all this, I find myself, feeling the creeping anxiety, clawing it’s way slowly up my back, wrapping in an around my spine, squeezing. squeezing life, air from my recline, pulling the shades down so I might no longer see sunny memory, in this, that moment, I realized I was quite twisting myself, I was tying my own knot, or tying myself into a knot, allowing these thoughts to intercede and invade when they would have no place if I was a good gatekeeper, apparently not, I wind up thinking myself into situations of confrontations that haven’t happened, but yet the ojeda of same remains, my vacation shield only lasted a day… pretty sad state of affairs, but maybe the goggles have born me a little new sight, I grab a full on  handle of my own dumb self, looking at myself from outward bounds, I am letting this all happen, sure the external pressures are real but I am the one who lets them in to root and cause destruction, am I in some ultimate battle for the soul of the universe here? surely not… surely not… so why then am I the hands tying this very knot…

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