So, if you are like me (and not a Brit), you may have not heard of Donald Crowhurst, click the link or just take my short version… basically this guy set out to win a prestigious race back in the 60’s to circumnavigate the globe via sailboat without stopping.  We tend to forget that we are not really that far removed from certain things… like black and white TV… only having a few TV channels, the internet (thank the gods) etc etc.  100 years as a capsule is not that much time in the grand scheme of things but in a life it is, but sometimes you have to step back and look at that, take a step out of the stream and test the water, when you are in it – your perception is muddled.  So anyway, to me, the Crowhurst story is fascinating, I really liked the movie “The Mercy” (review here, shameless plug), but the idea is what is endearing, it also seems something that is woven into the psyche of the british isles history (or maybe I am wrong, but it seems that way to me).  So the movie (and story) inspired me… as I have said before my handwriting is hot summer garbage, so… sometimes transcribing said handwriting is, well, frankly a chore as I am unsure of some of the words that I MYSELF wrote, lol… so this was on the shelf for a month-ish or so, until I figured out what the hell I wrote (especially being a longer piece, at least, for me)… and so, here it is:

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“the mercy” 7.30.2018

the mercy; dear wife,

leaving you

sailing out on my own

alone into the wide oceans

travel directions

opposite of hope

the look in your eyes

as I depart from the shore

enough to dash all

upon these rocks

like so many ships before

 

my hope, my only hope

lies within the tides

(buoyed by my pride and savvy)

might I circumnavigate

and find my way back to you, once again

my prayers back to you

riding on these fateful trade-winds

 

you would think

the opportunity to discover new lands, new coasts

the fame, the accolades

would entice

but all I ever yearned for

the way to return home

to common shores

and common hands

and, your love

 

a contemplation, of the sin

my concealment

was from myself, my heart

which led – to this,

this joyless voyage

a race with no end

ill equipped for the raging winds

of infernal ocean storms

battered, beaten, torn

stripped of hope and safety

for so long now

all that remains, just to keep afloat

a dreaming memory

drowning, drowning in this swirling madness

losing the voices

voices I can no longer reach, much less hear

 

(some months later, after more of the more)

 

I can not go forward

I can not turn back

I am drifting, I am lost, stuck, spinning

I can not turn around, to where, to end

lost at sea, forever bound in my circles, wound

shall I succumb sweet wife?

shall I sink ?

shall I drown drown drown

simply, drawing me down

the only one left,

the only boat left

the only one

the lonely – one

(may you find my notes, my plight and forgive me

my sweet wife, my children

I can not brace the world and return to you

“it is finished, IT IS THE MERCY”)

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notes… this is very story specific in the details so I encourage you to learn more, the last line is the final quote in Crowhurst’s log that they found on the boat just floating by itself…

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musical musings…

Mind Funk “Drowning”

this band never got the due they deserve, chill out an listen to it, the bass, the slow build, the rising vocals… crescendo baby, it works… “if you killed the world today …. I wouldn’t miss it” …