“when will you evaporate?”
I know… the question well,
I can tell, I can’t tell you, her
but.
the thought is there
I wonder if this thought will ever go
or evaporate
for decades now, haunted
in the same regret, the memories,
a book written I memorized by default
but her?
the erased years in the rear
but not for me
visited daily
god damn I hate myself
but yet I am myself the same
god damn I hate this memory, these memories,
my mistake, our mistake,
but I love these memories
to know the where I have been
the perfection of the time, that capsule, that time
the ease of companionship in that relationship
too easy, this seems impossible now
the now, where is she, I hope for her best
and one day to return to her
when this is all over.

(first and only draft, posted as I wrote it just now)

what happens when you screw up the best thing you ever had… and have never been able to get close to that again? I suppose we blaze on… but sometimes we are wrong… she is rarely from my thoughts… I wish things were different then… and more importantly now…