when I look in that place
in my heart
you are still there
somehow, a permanent resident
I can not seem to evict
regardless of circumstance
or years, or decades (now)-
I have taken up other residence
in this neighborhood, but…

for such a house was built
on the most solid of things
and yet the most fleeting I’ve found,
a place where the hearth burns bright
with dreams
and hope
but the true heart that beats, forever
in that distance of past-
is love.

I used to fear
but now I know
that will truly be death to part
for that hearth to finally grow cold.

of course I am playing with the vows of marriage in the last refrain, to be honest we never considered it, we didn’t need it… we were bound to each other immediately. So many years ago… yes, call me a fool or whatever… I am the only one who has to live with me and I judge myself more harshly than you ever could. but the thoughts and memories persist.. people say they see their whole life flash in front of them, with her I saw my life, and ending on a porch with her looking out on a field, we always loved to plant things, and sculk around plant nurseries… my hand in hers, hers in mine, just complete comfort, no words spoken, just the sound of the wind and the subtle warming of the sun on our old bodies… I saw that the minute I met her… and screwed it all up, nothing has been the same since. I am an eternal optimist… so… I hope to find someone, I have tried, I feel available… but it has failed, at least for now, I feel responsible for turning two lives…