barriers. walls. bulwarks. ramparts.
we all have them to one degree or another, we also have the means to overwhelm these defenses or allow the same, knowing and preventing are not necessarily siblings raised in the same house however, but I guess that is the experience of dodging enemy bullets over and over, feeling the weight of the yoke on your neck, over and over, dealing with a situation once and same again, over and over, perhaps this dulls the blade, lessens the bite, but a wound may still suffice from a skirmish in the realm, is so ingrained the aim to win? stitched into the fibers of our cells, the stubbornness to not bow a head and shake the hand of surrender when the goal of victory is no longer at hand (or within reason from the onset), the cost of a fight may not be worth the investment, but when to realize this and give up the prize, even if the prize is pride, or just non-self awareness, even still, this little revelation written is seemingly lost in instantaneous combustion at times, what to do? feel up and down your arms, or hands, feel the scars, where they have been, failure has helped out a fair share of cartographers, but writing a map and reading one are also two different crafts, and mastery of one may only leave the glass half full (I am an optimist, after all), so store this away, in some not so secret place, and when the time arrives, open the document case, unfurl the map of where you have been, and perhaps it will inform you of where you are going, roads, mountains, ravines, swamps, all manner of peril or perhaps golden fields swaying in the glistening summer sun – all these, let the darkness of times be the fuel to your guiding light. (hint: you will fail, but the opportunity to disavow your shortcomings will rise again and again like the sea on the shoreline, so breath, because this is the way the world has always been, for everyone greatly before you, and those long after).

I chose this song because my demon (or one of them) is traffic… literal crosstown traffic… I was working on fulton street this week in Manhattan (that is NYC to those not in the know)… $14.75 for the holland tunnel toll, $46.50 to park all day… the traffic is free though, every, and I do mean every cross street trying to get near the holland tunnel was jammed and this was not a busy week… so yeah, crosstown traffic, my head was pounding, I was feeling claustrophobic, I wanted to just hold down and honk my horn or raise my hands like moses and part the red sea… traffic is one of my triggers, I know it, I fight it, I try like hell to not let it bother me… the people just walking in front of your car, the people not moving up when there is space… even typing this now it is winding me up… and I know I can not do anything about it, I have to take a deep breath and accept it.. but damnit it… my nature, nature… I am getting better about it…based on experience and outcome… but… but..