her name-
for ramparts fold
no matter
time or mortar
an open portal
guilt, I can hold
regret, I can hold
but absence
has no answer
no comfort
no quarter
I suppose
until that end.
I pray she is at that door
for one more, conversation.
it is love that holds it all together people… so much else melts away when you embrace that… the trick is staying in the room, and I have surely not mastered that, even after all these years… but the goal is a good one to go for…
as I know- (although this seems magical)
moonlight comes from the sun
hiding in the night
foreshadowed in your eyes
I could gaze there forever
and in that embraced moment
find sudden eternity
if only for a time,
my love.
the things we know, the things we assume… we all know so little even advanced in years and drenched with experiences, we are all but babes in the sun of one of an untold amount of stars.
the condition
showing up
for much the same
no, for much the same
exactly, I say
well, nearly so
the surprises are…
mundane
and germane
in the same vein as, well
but find the joy
in a simple sky
a sliver of sun
a crescent moon
against the blue
or any such clue
as to the wonder
that still
and always
is there
to view
(if only but to open your eyes)
sometimes the simplest forms work little miracles… if you let them.
I can tell you some things, there is many beautiful places in this world, some are obvious, some are more obscure, most are in the eye of the observer, some are right under your nose… but… to find myself here, waking up each morning for a week, and this is my view… 200 feet up from the Chesapeake Bay, the western shores in Calvert County, Maryland… sigh… tomorrow I return to “normal” life… but in my mind, I have this time, I have these photos, videos and memories… I wish, like a red bull, it was something I could swill from a bottle, this escape, this moment, I try and supplement them with the local wonders in New Jersey (and there are plenty … but…)… I am grateful to have these times… for over 15 years now I have been coming here…
once a year, I come to this place, indulge me for a moment… I rent a log cabin built over 100 years ago (by hand), a family lived in it and raised a couple generations here, they all moved away but rent the place out, now… this was before Air BNB was a thing… yes, there was rentals of people’s homes before Air BNB… this place, it has all the baubles left in place, except photos… so it.. sort of makes you feel a part of it… child hood projects, photos of the house and town… a log cabin, in a private community started by scientists (literally) almost 100 years ago… perched on the cliffs overlooking the Chesapeake Bay… glory, if I may say… and even though I have been coming here 15 or so years.. there is a night sky like this… now tell me, is this not magical? (locale: Scientist Cliffs, MD)
give me a thousand lines-
of code
to find a comma
out of place,
give me a woman
a smile, a kiss
and I will find
I lost my place
waiting at the last train
stop.
I never quite paid attention
to schedules
now
but-
I notice the light
fashioned as a fired old lantern
but
not
how is this
the last light
I might
strolling amongst the rows
in the garden of god
so go I
flowers capture the eye
and the pollinator’s attentions
but
there are meadows of grasses
perhaps not unexpected
the lesser children also have their place
just as diverse with grace as the show ponies may
for a dandelion roars in much the same way
we all have our favorites… I love bamboo, noted, but there has been some cool grasses that have floated in to my yard… and I let it happen, because, they are not “weeds” they are just other plants… why fight the local nature of things? it is crazy to me. I am slowly converting my lawn to non-lawn. Doing the whole lawn grass thing is a waste of resource and money honestly. I would rather see some cool local grasses mixed in with landscape elements like rocks I dug myself… now… I am NOT telling you to do the same, my neighbor loves him some lawn, he practically pets it daily… that is fine, but… for me… I don’t see it anymore, it was a 50s/60s ideal to have the perfect lawn. Now.. I am not an advocate for out of control garbage lawn… do the work, it is rewarding (at least to me)… Some weeds are good because… they aint weeds. Crab Grass can suck my ass… just saying.. but damn it can grow in anything…
when I look in that place
in my heart
you are still there
somehow, a permanent resident
I can not seem to evict
regardless of circumstance
or years, or decades (now)-
I have taken up other residence
in this neighborhood, but…
for such a house was built
on the most solid of things
and yet the most fleeting I’ve found,
a place where the hearth burns bright
with dreams
and hope
but the true heart that beats, forever
in that distance of past-
is love.
I used to fear
but now I know
that will truly be death to part
for that hearth to finally grow cold.
of course I am playing with the vows of marriage in the last refrain, to be honest we never considered it, we didn’t need it… we were bound to each other immediately. So many years ago… yes, call me a fool or whatever… I am the only one who has to live with me and I judge myself more harshly than you ever could. but the thoughts and memories persist.. people say they see their whole life flash in front of them, with her I saw my life, and ending on a porch with her looking out on a field, we always loved to plant things, and sculk around plant nurseries… my hand in hers, hers in mine, just complete comfort, no words spoken, just the sound of the wind and the subtle warming of the sun on our old bodies… I saw that the minute I met her… and screwed it all up, nothing has been the same since. I am an eternal optimist… so… I hope to find someone, I have tried, I feel available… but it has failed, at least for now, I feel responsible for turning two lives…
Shades of My Garden 