P…erhaps a paradigm shift in my thinking is needed, for my future mental health, it seems obvious of course, but aren’t some of the simplest things the hardest to implement to get them un-entangled from the pernicious layers we create as buffers or boundaries, I had two days off this weekend, which, may seem crazy to some, is a rarity for me, and has been for 20+ years now, both days this weekend were nearly flawless, I can’t say I indulged them fully, I love to lounge in lucid dreams, truly, and once you have learned to drive such things the temptation to relax and watch a movie in your mind of your own making is… divine, but I did manage to drag my ass out of bed with enough time to at least enjoy the days, but my favorite time? sitting on my deck, buttressed all about by my bamboo children, all of them sprouting now like mad from a sort of late spring boost (not much rain), there is always that tipping point of panic when I don’t see them growing like mad but they always pull through, so far so good, just sitting on my deck taking the world in, a deer and a tiny babe waltzed on through, paying me no mind, I’m sure they were aware, listening to the breeze play through the towers of trees, I do not have some huge backyard, just enough I suppose where I only see the outcrops of urban-ity creeping in on the edges if I so choose to look, instead I like to focus on the shadows thrown by a single candle thread, dancing in the breeze, even the urban sounds make for a good backdrop, the hum of my A/C unit in my right ear, the hum of my neighbors pool apparatus in my left, the occasional, or pretty usual plane slight-screaming over head, that time of night where it is past sunset, but barely, and there is still enough light to see whatever clouds are still hanging around, no exotic colors, just a nice deep indigo with white whisps around, this is my charging station.
So this morning, after the usual drive in, with the usual jack-assery of many drivers which might illicit rage some days, today just a laugh at the ridiculousness of said jack-assery, I realized a few things… take more days off, a simple enough one. perhaps take my 2 day weekends in the winter months as to maximize the daylight, and conversely try to perhaps schedule earlier days in the more daylight months to take advantage of the longer days and longer sunsets, I think at the pace I am going I am more like burning my batteries out over the winter in both physical and an emotional sense, and then over-charging or over compensating in the warmer months… sure there is also vitamins involved and such (like vitamin D etc.) but this is not that blog, I am talking generally for me, of northern stock here in the USA, I wonder if the constant and yearly fluctuation is the erosion that ages this rock? So maybe I should be more conscious of such simple things, not taking time off for times off sake, or maybe so, but also to align more with the patterns of the seasons to benefit the most of the resources available from mother Earth. Of course I could just win the Powerball and move to an island… I could do that too… but just in case that does not happen, perhaps I need to schedule my schedule into 4 seasons…