when was the last time I felt
a woman’s lips upon my own
as almost forgot
I see movies and jealousy ensues
but do I pursue
this in my every day life
do I assume
this will come to me.

the smartest of us may be the dumbest of the heart.

I have been single for… damn 30 years now, I have dated but I have also insulated… I do not feel worthy of a mate as I am a fail, and I realize we all are but I don’t want to subject someone else to that, I see it, I realize it, but I also live it… I see I am wrong but feel empowered to let it go on because we all die alone, I don’t know… I don’t know… it fucks me up, I see the inevitable but I also feel empty but strong… I deserve to be happy and mostly am but not complete… how the fuck do you communicate that to someone else who wants to be a part of that and their that… if that makes sense… just venting, it matters not it matters not at all… I wish it did… but what the fuck do I know… tons now.. but it will all be lost in 50 years or so after I am gone.. so why the fuck… is the question.