cobblestones, speak to feet like stepping stones in lines as streets, perhaps- like a cousin brick, invokes the memories- of horses and spokes when we first lost touch with the ground below
just something that popped in my head… that is how it goes, sometimes it flows, sometimes I am silent, I don’t force it, if you like my stuff, just wait, I come in waves…
I wish I was right in leaving- but everything since says I was wrong.
and yet- the deceiving, the less admission of my own part,
if I only knew everything and as all else now the comparison would be easy.
I was thinking of her, Mirsa, as usual.. I hate myself for hanging on to my past, I love her to this day but wronged her in so many ways… I am flawed… I use actions to prove love, not words, and that is sometimes the wrong path with many people… but goddamn, I am me, I am who I am… but damn I had the most beautiful woman in the world in love with me and fucked it up, yes, there is women who are into me since, but… I dunno… nothing makes the same sense… and nothing is the same, she changed me which is what makes my heart break.
time in palm is gone- before even the sensation- renders on
We are truly in an impossible situation but with no choice but to ride the river. We can fight, we can crumble, we can succumb, we can do anything but… none of it matters in the simple face of time, the game we chose not to play but are inserted regardless… I often wonder if that is what life is after “death”… we just exist outside the flow of time, my best analogy is on a river bank as we watch the world go by, the flow, like a reality TV show and here we site for all non time, our little rapids run a snapshot unable to interact back as the dimension we were in has surely moved on, without even the courtesy of a bus stop, or a heartbeat, we are thrown off that bull with no clowns to surround, and then we stay, once existed we can not be just… erased, that existence stays in the record outside time, even if our very fibers are ripped apart to make another tribe… such is the vicious and just tribunal of time…
as of late I have been observing a skulk of juvenile foxes near my house, sitting out, putting some goodies (berries and nuts) out on this big hunk of rock that sits on my lawn (removed when the foundation of the house had to be built), there were three of them, at once they all seemed identical but as the days (or nights) have worn on they have certainly grown at different rates, and now it seems, after abundant encounters observing them, I am down to one, when night after night I could make a simple call they would come out of the woodwork to check out my offerings, a short span, maybe just a few odd weeks, but time is such a devil, such a tease, things like these seem like they will stretch out forever, but never do, so now, last night, after many a night of not seeing any of my local crew, just one appeared after I waited a bit, from a direction I was not expecting, the last remnant I suppose, the most tiny and scrawny of the bunch, a cautious gate, as if walking not to break tissue paper, each paw light as a feather following the other, foxes have a subtle dance like they are ashamed but of course that is just my human projection on many years of evolution, but just the same, I can only report what my eyes record, the scrawny one grabs up a blackberry and I can hear the merry chomping along, perhaps it has only been a few days long since I saw one, or the three, but pause always feels like an eternity compared to these moments of realized reality, a simple lesson really, about patience, and perspective, and the nature of things, and well, the nature of nature, so I wonder how long this might last, this new resident and this old one, well I suppose then I can only wait until the next setting sun, and see if my friend once more comes, and if so, be grateful for that.