repentant fire…

repentant fire…

I wonder, is this me, well, yes, of course it is inner voice, but more speaking outward, why can I just not forget (shake?) the past, like filing a book in a library, filed by some number, in a drawer, on some shelf, in some shadow, certainly still in my house but somewhere in a corner, instead of what feels like shackles, self imposed or otherwise, I know the logic, I know the KNOW.. you know? I know I am supposed to forget, time heals all wounds? no, time just is a measure of inches from the time, feet, miles, but does it matter if the coordinates are still there? and the feeling, so many times as I have felt before, like a pilot, in a form, all these years, I’m older now, so many years, have I really changed? what is 10 years anymore… or 20? this used car, an efficient model to be sure, but mileage is mileage regardless of care, and accidents unforeseen, or your fault, well, that is part of being on this road, isn’t it? you can buff out the dents but the memory still lies underneath in the metal, can’t get a trade in, at least not yet, even a focus on glorious drives along the coast, on a perfect day, sky – an absolute blue, sun warming but not burning, feeling the temperature gradient rising in your forearm skin, and hands, and your smile, who knows if this was even real or imagined at times, but waves, and tides, maybe the moon is my master, even though my science mind knows it is gravity, or something more, celestial, sinister, banal, scintillating, neither… or none, just me in my little ark sailing into my own unknown, but never able to truly escape the land that bore me, seeds planted, foundations raised, all a part of who I am today… I wish there might be targeted repentant fire I could engage.

shipwrecks…

shipwrecks…

we walk around in our space, that seems to encompass so much… space, but yet, even these continents, pale in comparison to the lands, that are under the oceans, beneath our radar, truths, stories, societies, all buried or hidden there, a not so subtle graveyard, a flowing cemetery of the document of life for the history of this world, I wonder how many, how many shipwrecks there are, how many lives, how many souls, some wonder about the riches, but gold glitters in any form, gold does not have a tale to tell except the hands that from which it fell, how many of these untold fireside chat charcoals lie buried beneath, or just undiscovered, sitting alone in the current or among piles of others on top of others in layers of layers, sparks that ended with no fire but had heat, bells no longer rung, voices leapt into the mist that laps the shore with the forgotten tongues, voices buried deep from which nothing comes, the (bio) luminescence of the human form, etched on a plank with a stone, or a blade, a bauble, a vase, an urn once filled with oil or wine, or barrels of molasses, or whiskey, or just a simple metal worked totem of luck tucked in a pocket forgotten, waiting to be found again, to sing, to write a book, or a verse, to fill in a blank, to answer a question, to pose new ones, to set the record straight, or just place a piece of a puzzle that much closer…
all in the sands, silts, and shifting tides, the whole of outer space lies in the matter of the ocean waters, a land, we can not see immediately, a land, much vaster than the horizon we look out upon to reach, the deep, and shallows even, have swallowed so many people, so many seasons, a vast library lies there, waiting for us to discover, all we need to do, is put our toe in the water…

the house.

the house.

the house lights brighten
the curtain parts-
here, in the fifth opera house,
of pleasure and play
of all the land
of all the provinces, gathered
this, the palace of laughter
the full heart of performance
as the celestial procession
orbits around
this heavenly sun
projecting with Such radiation
until all is burned
and the fuels of fame-
are gone

admittedly I am playing with some astrology here…
doubt.

doubt.

a servant
of my own inner evictions
the tenant
of the superintendent of my soul;
I say a prayer for the least
not believing that I might be
just this-

notes… sometimes I neglect this and let you think for yourself… and you should… but the second line is something I do on purpose (or my mind does) that takes an “expected” and makes it something else, so to me it calls two things at once, usually the phrase would be “inner convictions” so I wanted to turn that over internally… because we are all the wardens of our own prisons, truly, but where does the freedom come in… there is always boundaries… but where and when… I don’t have it all figured out, but that is what I want you to think about (and other things, but that was just the first two lines)…